I always figured LJ is the place where you can express yourself on good and bad days. Plus I wouldn't want you to lie about how things are really going. :(
I am sorry you're going through such hellish issues. I wish I could help out somehow, but all I can do is 'read' and listen. If you keep talking it out here, then perhaps one of us will 'see' a way or so to help, or at least provide a bit of relief.
no subject
I know it's a cliche but troubles shared are troubles halved.
no subject
no subject
no subject