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icarusThe Review Meme
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switchknife suggested I post her review meme for people who might not have read my other stories. Okey-dokey.
Hold onto your hats. These are some pretty darn thorough reviews. Especially the first one. They may be too thorough and completely spoil the story, and, note, I left in some of the complaints. It's good for me.
FIC: Beg Me For It & Sex, Drugs and Death Eater Rock, Ron/Draco, RATED NC-17
REVIEW: Hi! I was so impressed by your two fics I felt that you deserved a better response than a three-paragraph posting on the list. There were so many interesting and unusual aspects to your work that I couldn't help but comment!
I just *loved* "Beg me for it". From the title, I almost skipped it because it sounded like it might be your standard lite-BSM fic (nothing wrong with that, it's just a little overdone). Thank goodness I didn't!
*That Tricky Redhead*
Your Ron voice is fantastic. And you're so right - the lightness and humour in his voice was the only way to make what he witnessed palatable. What interested me was that in the second fic, which switches to a third person narrative, you still retained a lot of the attributes of his speech - the short sentences, simple words and structures, and the sense of humour. Not sure whether that means that you are an expert at adopting your character's natural voice, or whether your own personal voice is a bit like Ron's to begin with. Either way, I'm very impressed!
And your Ron is so wonderful! I'm not a Ron fan, which is why I hit the floor whenever someone manages to write him as both credible and interesting. I think you had your Draco make the point that he was simple, but that didn't mean he wasn't clever, and that's a perfect summary. He's a pretty faithful extension of canon!Ron, too: the simplicity, the big heart, the slight air of clumsiness. The only things missing were his quick temper and his tendency to sulk - I think your Ron was a bit more laid back than the canon version, but who's to say he hasn't grown up a little since fourth year?
I love the way your Ron draws the reader in by talking direct to them with little self-effacing comments like "One bright spot was lunch with Percy every day. Did you know he had a sense of humour?" or "I can be honest here, can't I? I'm a little sappy when it comes to sex, too." Just beautiful! It makes the story so lively and easy to read.
*Your Inner Bloke*
My daily lament is that slash characters are just too girly. Every time I read Lucius Malfoy proclaiming "No, let's not fuck, I'd like to snuggle for a while" I beat my head on the desk.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for writing some slash that is credible and original and so damn *simple* in its execution (no-one saw stars, no-one felt they'd been broken into pieces and put back together again ...) that it put a huge grin on my face!
You definitely have an Inner Bloke! (or perhaps an Outer Bloke - one doesn't wish to presume!) Goodness, a sex scene where boys go straight for the cock - where was all the kissing and licking I normally have to wade through?? I really loved that first night in Ron's bed. The "I'm straight as an arrow but I'd like to fuck this one guy" is so often done unconvincingly in slash, but I completely believed your Ron. I liked his honesty - going from "I was totally disgusted" to "I still wank to that image in the shower." Oh, such elegant simplicity!
And on the subject of wanking - well done on your many mentions of that. Very bloke. I also liked Ron's musings in the second part about whether to have sex before dinner or after. Oh, you do this bloke thing so effortlessly, and it's so refreshing!
*Brave New World*
I love the post-war world you've created. Lucius Malfoy was the best Minister of Magic we'd ever had. What a controversial first line! But you go on to justify that, and I was totally convinced! I particularly like the bonding between Lucius and Percy - a really clever twist.
And the colosseum where you have Draco tortured - how horrible but how believable, from the sign above his head to the clown pissing on him. That sort of cruelty is actually more realistic than Death Eater behaviour in canon, I think, and that has great dramatic effect. But you didn't glory in the pain - thank you for that. You just described what was necessary to your story and left it at that. Again, impressed.
I think you analyse Ron and Percy's status as collaborators cleverly. I have to say, that word (and it's a great word, loaded with meaning from past wars) didn't even occur to me until Draco used it. I had just presumed Ron and Percy were doing what they had to in order to live. But of course, you're right, and I love Ron's disgust when he sees the dark side of Voldemort's regime. I'm delighted by the irony of Draco being the one to call Ron a collaborator.
*The Second Part*
The second part didn't impress me *quite* so much. I hope you don't mind a small criticism amongst all this praise - I found it too long. Up until the moment where Ron and Draco leave to go to Percy's flat, it's basically one long sequence without a great deal of action. Sure, there's great character detail, humour, and the sex is hot, but there were moments when descriptions of Draco putting on makeup started to drag for me.
In the first part, you skip around in time a bit more, which means you focus more on the imporant moments rather than describing one long stretch of time. For instance, I thought this segue was particularly dexterous - both funny, clever and short: "I did give him a blow job. Later. He said I sucked at it." So I *know* you can do concise. I just would have liked to see more of it in the second part!
When you were hot, though, god you were hot! Of course, SaturdayNightFever!Draco has been done before. But yours is different and better. I lapped up every word of the description, and if I tried to praise my favourite bits, I'd have to paste in the whole excerpt. You may have made me a shoulder fetishist!!
The drugs were a good way to make Draco relaxed and affectionate without having to warp his character - very clever. And I laughed at the irony of him trading in black market Muggle goods!
And the end of Part 2, oh that warmed my heart! I love Percy to death, but I don't think his canon character has the depth to sustain his own fics, so I'm overjoyed when someone gives him a decent cameo. And this Percy has all the bossiness of his canon incarnation, but also the loyal Weasley heart. I like the understated way he accepts Ron's plan. Like so much of this fic, it's simple, but artfully set up and totally charming.
Oh, really, I could go on forever and quote virtually the entire fic! I love your little snippets of wisdom - like "You see, the main trick of delegating is not to get people to do what they want already - that's not hard. Draco came here to kill Lucius Malfoy. I knew that. The real trick is to motivate people to do it *your* way." There were so many funny moments I couldn't limit my favourites even to ten.
You seem to have such control over your subject matter. I think that, for all it looks like a simple tale, this is really an accomplished piece and far more complex than it looks. Your characters are vibrant, and you make them exciting without betraying canon. And the crowning glory is your central character, this fabulously entertaining, clever/simple and good-hearted Ron. I'm even starting to love him a little ...
It won't surprise you to know that I *really* want to see more! Congratulations, and thank you.
Kit - Kit, via email.
FIC: Hey You, Ron/Draco, Percy, RATED R
REVIEW: Dear Icarus,
I intended to send a long, worshiping review for 'Death Eater Rock' but then read the review you received for it and thought: "Everything I wanted to say - except better!" and felt too far in awe to continue.
Also, I'm probably lazy. ~grins~
In any case, have just finished 'Hey You' (with much anticipation and while working ~grins~) and knew that even if I couldn't meet the standards of a quality review, I should do the virtual equivalent of worship.
If you can't guess, I loved 'Hey You'. More so (and this shocked me) then "Beg Me For It" and "Death Eater Rock". I believe the reason why is that although "Beg Me For It" was far - well, hotter - and "Death Eater Rock" much more kinky - "Hey You" not only progresses the plot further but delves into the characters themselves rather than just their sexuality.
I speak of course about Percy. Even in canon, Percy's an enigma. He's a Weasley - theoretically one of the 'good guys'. At the same time, he's pompous, beaurocratic, and theoretically at least, shallow. Most fanfic writers who write Percy in-character have him as either a side character (barely there) or as one of the 'bad guys'. The few who do write him as 'one of the good guys' (and boy that's such a bad way of describing it) end up delving into out-of-characterisations. Or spend a very long time explaining why Percy might be shallow, pompous, paper-work heavy and exactly the way he is - yet still 'nice' (or they let him shag Oliver Wood - which seems to always put him into a good mood ^_^).
Writing Percy in-character has gotten even harder since OoTP appeared. Most writers can't seem to concile good!Percy with what we saw in OoTP - and those who can are few and far between.
The Percy you wrote in "Death Eater Rock" was good - it built on what we knew from "Goblet of Fire" (which admitedly, was a thin layer of facts, scenes and the odd bustle ^_^). What you've produced in "Hey You" built on that and produced something awe inspiring.
You've managed the seemingly impossible. Percy is in character - wonderfully so: from the deserts through to the meetings, the paperwork and the extra priviledges. He's Percy Weasley and not the cardboard cutout or close approximation fandom usual produces.
And yet - at the same time, he's human. You took what JKR revealed in OoTP and fitted it into "Hey You" - building onto it and then weaving it back into your stories in some of the best storyline writing I've seen in a very long time.
The image of Percy on his knees in his office, scattered chocolates around him stayed with me long after I finished reading. More than that, your view of Percy - scared for Ron, frightened for his life and still thinking about paperwork and work in general - remains as well.
I'm sure this is going to affect how I write Percy Weasley from now on but then all good stories will do that ~grins~.
And - well, I guess that's the end of my review except for the expected: "When, oh when will the next part be out?" (but you can ignore the question until after some suitable time after releasing "Hey You" has passed ^_^).
yours
Tien Riu - Tien Riu, here.
FIC: A Moment of Sin, Snape/?, RATED R
REVIEW: I love this story. And I can hardly believe we have so few Sev fans on this site that you have, so far, but one review here. Or perhaps everyone who would review has already reviewed this after reading it somewhere else. But not I, not yet.
I love this little bit of a night in a normal wizard's life--at least, he wants it to be that, but who he is seems to preclude it. And it is normal only to the point that man and wizard alike will go looking for someone to pay for sex when they feel driven to it. But all along the way, Sev keeps tripping over his own life, and his own personality: his paranoia, in how he searches out his intended one-night stand; his perfidy, in how he deals with the go between; his impassiveness, letting the go-between wander off in confusion (possibly headed into a bog) from a Dark spell he cast; then we have his perfectionism, in how he constructs his glamour to not be glamourous. Right down to the end, when he seals a magical contract with a kiss, and it's one of his own students: "Seventh year. Last class, every Wednesday." And Sev's personal integrity--and persnickety nature--impells him to show himself through his glamour, so no nuance of this contract is avoidable.
But I think the best thing about this story is that in the end, when Sev laughed, so did I. Only, I laughed because I knew the answer to his question about himself--how does he manage to get tangled into these things? Because that's Sev, and that's his life.
Thanks very much. :) - ChaseHunts, here.
FIC: Primer to the Dark Arts, Harry/Ron, Harry/Snape, RATED R or NC-17, depending on which version you read.
REVIEW: Bloody fucking brilliant, really.
Having managed to give myself food poisoning and thus consigning myself to a night at home while the rest of my friends enjoyed a VIP room at a rather popular bar, I found myself beyond bored and quite lacking any desire to write.
I stumbled onto your 'Primer to the Dark Arts'.
It was a wonderful read. I laughed aloud at points (and I assure you, this does not happen often), and ignored phone calls at others - I didn't want to be interrupted. So forgive me if my review is rambling and incoherent; I'm just going to give impressions.
I have never been particularly fond of student/teacher ships - not because I object to them; I don't, in the least. It's just that it's never seemed very realistic, to me, that any Hogwart's teacher would bend the rules so far as to have relations (or just plain 'ole sex) with a student. Yet you managed to find a way to get around this in a somewhat realistic manner.
Now, granted, it's obvious that this would never happen. Just as H/D will never happen (which is what I'm currently writing). The trick is to find authors who are actually interested in trying to make the circimstances that bring the slashers together understandable/believable. You've done this. Congrats to you.
Furthermore, you made Snape somewhat likeable without compromising his character. He is a nasty, secretive person. You've translated that into a character that possesses those qualities, but is also amusing and capable of passion (whether that be sex or something with a more emotional aspect). I liked that Harry didn't change Snape too much - I can't see Severus compromising his teaching in order to please anyone.
On to rants. I hate it when things are left hanging! I wanted to know more about the love potion, the quicksilver, Snape's relationship with Torvold, the reasoning behind bringing Harry to Snape Manor. And yet... I find that I rather like that you left some of this open to interpretation. You gave some things away, but manage to keep the mystery (i.e. Ron asking Harry about the love potion in the last scene, and Harry's response).
- Slight break. I paused to read 'Beg Me For It'. Amusing, well written - and that's saying something, because I generally don't read first person passages. -
I wish you'd spent a little more time on Ron and Hermione, but that is mostly due to my personal preference for some knowledge of secondary characters. It would only have added to the story; it didn't detract from it.
Regardless, I applaud (and am jealous of) your talent; you're a great writer. Should you ever need feedback on a new piece, please let me know - I can't think that you could write anything I wouldn't enjoy reading.
Lyla - Lyla Lorrin, via email.
FIC: Guy Talk, Harry/Surprise, RATED R
REVIEW: I read that a week or so ago, and re-read it just now, and it was still as hilarious as the first time. In a way, the Gryffindors' conversation rang true of adolescent boys in the height of puberty in a way very few slash fics do. Just... *credible*.
Well, being spoilered by 'Primer to the Dark Arts' and several of your other fics, twist didn't come as a surprise, but the way you wrote them in this was *so* very brilliant. So eager to get into the secrets of the others, the blowjob-obsession *snicker*, and then his panicked/over-explanatory reaction. Wonderful, and so incredibly IC. You can write credible, likable boys in a way very few others can.
Harry was delightful as well, from that brilliant start (quote cut for spoilers).
to his apology/explanation/possessive declaration of love at the end: (quote cut for spoilers).
Very sweet, and understandable.
And poor sheltererd Neville really knocked me off my chair a couple of times: (quote cut for spoilers).
Dear gods, yes, the mere idea is scary.
This was a really wonderful story, which more than deserved being niffled - hysterical, realistic and with a serious undertone at the end. Beautiful work. - Hijja, here.
Okay. That'll do.
Icarus
switchknife suggested I post her review meme for people who might not have read my other stories. Okey-dokey.Hold onto your hats. These are some pretty darn thorough reviews. Especially the first one. They may be too thorough and completely spoil the story, and, note, I left in some of the complaints. It's good for me.
FIC: Beg Me For It & Sex, Drugs and Death Eater Rock, Ron/Draco, RATED NC-17
REVIEW: Hi! I was so impressed by your two fics I felt that you deserved a better response than a three-paragraph posting on the list. There were so many interesting and unusual aspects to your work that I couldn't help but comment!
I just *loved* "Beg me for it". From the title, I almost skipped it because it sounded like it might be your standard lite-BSM fic (nothing wrong with that, it's just a little overdone). Thank goodness I didn't!
*That Tricky Redhead*
Your Ron voice is fantastic. And you're so right - the lightness and humour in his voice was the only way to make what he witnessed palatable. What interested me was that in the second fic, which switches to a third person narrative, you still retained a lot of the attributes of his speech - the short sentences, simple words and structures, and the sense of humour. Not sure whether that means that you are an expert at adopting your character's natural voice, or whether your own personal voice is a bit like Ron's to begin with. Either way, I'm very impressed!
And your Ron is so wonderful! I'm not a Ron fan, which is why I hit the floor whenever someone manages to write him as both credible and interesting. I think you had your Draco make the point that he was simple, but that didn't mean he wasn't clever, and that's a perfect summary. He's a pretty faithful extension of canon!Ron, too: the simplicity, the big heart, the slight air of clumsiness. The only things missing were his quick temper and his tendency to sulk - I think your Ron was a bit more laid back than the canon version, but who's to say he hasn't grown up a little since fourth year?
I love the way your Ron draws the reader in by talking direct to them with little self-effacing comments like "One bright spot was lunch with Percy every day. Did you know he had a sense of humour?" or "I can be honest here, can't I? I'm a little sappy when it comes to sex, too." Just beautiful! It makes the story so lively and easy to read.
*Your Inner Bloke*
My daily lament is that slash characters are just too girly. Every time I read Lucius Malfoy proclaiming "No, let's not fuck, I'd like to snuggle for a while" I beat my head on the desk.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for writing some slash that is credible and original and so damn *simple* in its execution (no-one saw stars, no-one felt they'd been broken into pieces and put back together again ...) that it put a huge grin on my face!
You definitely have an Inner Bloke! (or perhaps an Outer Bloke - one doesn't wish to presume!) Goodness, a sex scene where boys go straight for the cock - where was all the kissing and licking I normally have to wade through?? I really loved that first night in Ron's bed. The "I'm straight as an arrow but I'd like to fuck this one guy" is so often done unconvincingly in slash, but I completely believed your Ron. I liked his honesty - going from "I was totally disgusted" to "I still wank to that image in the shower." Oh, such elegant simplicity!
And on the subject of wanking - well done on your many mentions of that. Very bloke. I also liked Ron's musings in the second part about whether to have sex before dinner or after. Oh, you do this bloke thing so effortlessly, and it's so refreshing!
*Brave New World*
I love the post-war world you've created. Lucius Malfoy was the best Minister of Magic we'd ever had. What a controversial first line! But you go on to justify that, and I was totally convinced! I particularly like the bonding between Lucius and Percy - a really clever twist.
And the colosseum where you have Draco tortured - how horrible but how believable, from the sign above his head to the clown pissing on him. That sort of cruelty is actually more realistic than Death Eater behaviour in canon, I think, and that has great dramatic effect. But you didn't glory in the pain - thank you for that. You just described what was necessary to your story and left it at that. Again, impressed.
I think you analyse Ron and Percy's status as collaborators cleverly. I have to say, that word (and it's a great word, loaded with meaning from past wars) didn't even occur to me until Draco used it. I had just presumed Ron and Percy were doing what they had to in order to live. But of course, you're right, and I love Ron's disgust when he sees the dark side of Voldemort's regime. I'm delighted by the irony of Draco being the one to call Ron a collaborator.
*The Second Part*
The second part didn't impress me *quite* so much. I hope you don't mind a small criticism amongst all this praise - I found it too long. Up until the moment where Ron and Draco leave to go to Percy's flat, it's basically one long sequence without a great deal of action. Sure, there's great character detail, humour, and the sex is hot, but there were moments when descriptions of Draco putting on makeup started to drag for me.
In the first part, you skip around in time a bit more, which means you focus more on the imporant moments rather than describing one long stretch of time. For instance, I thought this segue was particularly dexterous - both funny, clever and short: "I did give him a blow job. Later. He said I sucked at it." So I *know* you can do concise. I just would have liked to see more of it in the second part!
When you were hot, though, god you were hot! Of course, SaturdayNightFever!Draco has been done before. But yours is different and better. I lapped up every word of the description, and if I tried to praise my favourite bits, I'd have to paste in the whole excerpt. You may have made me a shoulder fetishist!!
The drugs were a good way to make Draco relaxed and affectionate without having to warp his character - very clever. And I laughed at the irony of him trading in black market Muggle goods!
And the end of Part 2, oh that warmed my heart! I love Percy to death, but I don't think his canon character has the depth to sustain his own fics, so I'm overjoyed when someone gives him a decent cameo. And this Percy has all the bossiness of his canon incarnation, but also the loyal Weasley heart. I like the understated way he accepts Ron's plan. Like so much of this fic, it's simple, but artfully set up and totally charming.
Oh, really, I could go on forever and quote virtually the entire fic! I love your little snippets of wisdom - like "You see, the main trick of delegating is not to get people to do what they want already - that's not hard. Draco came here to kill Lucius Malfoy. I knew that. The real trick is to motivate people to do it *your* way." There were so many funny moments I couldn't limit my favourites even to ten.
You seem to have such control over your subject matter. I think that, for all it looks like a simple tale, this is really an accomplished piece and far more complex than it looks. Your characters are vibrant, and you make them exciting without betraying canon. And the crowning glory is your central character, this fabulously entertaining, clever/simple and good-hearted Ron. I'm even starting to love him a little ...
It won't surprise you to know that I *really* want to see more! Congratulations, and thank you.
Kit - Kit, via email.
FIC: Hey You, Ron/Draco, Percy, RATED R
REVIEW: Dear Icarus,
I intended to send a long, worshiping review for 'Death Eater Rock' but then read the review you received for it and thought: "Everything I wanted to say - except better!" and felt too far in awe to continue.
Also, I'm probably lazy. ~grins~
In any case, have just finished 'Hey You' (with much anticipation and while working ~grins~) and knew that even if I couldn't meet the standards of a quality review, I should do the virtual equivalent of worship.
If you can't guess, I loved 'Hey You'. More so (and this shocked me) then "Beg Me For It" and "Death Eater Rock". I believe the reason why is that although "Beg Me For It" was far - well, hotter - and "Death Eater Rock" much more kinky - "Hey You" not only progresses the plot further but delves into the characters themselves rather than just their sexuality.
I speak of course about Percy. Even in canon, Percy's an enigma. He's a Weasley - theoretically one of the 'good guys'. At the same time, he's pompous, beaurocratic, and theoretically at least, shallow. Most fanfic writers who write Percy in-character have him as either a side character (barely there) or as one of the 'bad guys'. The few who do write him as 'one of the good guys' (and boy that's such a bad way of describing it) end up delving into out-of-characterisations. Or spend a very long time explaining why Percy might be shallow, pompous, paper-work heavy and exactly the way he is - yet still 'nice' (or they let him shag Oliver Wood - which seems to always put him into a good mood ^_^).
Writing Percy in-character has gotten even harder since OoTP appeared. Most writers can't seem to concile good!Percy with what we saw in OoTP - and those who can are few and far between.
The Percy you wrote in "Death Eater Rock" was good - it built on what we knew from "Goblet of Fire" (which admitedly, was a thin layer of facts, scenes and the odd bustle ^_^). What you've produced in "Hey You" built on that and produced something awe inspiring.
You've managed the seemingly impossible. Percy is in character - wonderfully so: from the deserts through to the meetings, the paperwork and the extra priviledges. He's Percy Weasley and not the cardboard cutout or close approximation fandom usual produces.
And yet - at the same time, he's human. You took what JKR revealed in OoTP and fitted it into "Hey You" - building onto it and then weaving it back into your stories in some of the best storyline writing I've seen in a very long time.
The image of Percy on his knees in his office, scattered chocolates around him stayed with me long after I finished reading. More than that, your view of Percy - scared for Ron, frightened for his life and still thinking about paperwork and work in general - remains as well.
I'm sure this is going to affect how I write Percy Weasley from now on but then all good stories will do that ~grins~.
And - well, I guess that's the end of my review except for the expected: "When, oh when will the next part be out?" (but you can ignore the question until after some suitable time after releasing "Hey You" has passed ^_^).
yours
Tien Riu - Tien Riu, here.
FIC: A Moment of Sin, Snape/?, RATED R
REVIEW: I love this story. And I can hardly believe we have so few Sev fans on this site that you have, so far, but one review here. Or perhaps everyone who would review has already reviewed this after reading it somewhere else. But not I, not yet.
I love this little bit of a night in a normal wizard's life--at least, he wants it to be that, but who he is seems to preclude it. And it is normal only to the point that man and wizard alike will go looking for someone to pay for sex when they feel driven to it. But all along the way, Sev keeps tripping over his own life, and his own personality: his paranoia, in how he searches out his intended one-night stand; his perfidy, in how he deals with the go between; his impassiveness, letting the go-between wander off in confusion (possibly headed into a bog) from a Dark spell he cast; then we have his perfectionism, in how he constructs his glamour to not be glamourous. Right down to the end, when he seals a magical contract with a kiss, and it's one of his own students: "Seventh year. Last class, every Wednesday." And Sev's personal integrity--and persnickety nature--impells him to show himself through his glamour, so no nuance of this contract is avoidable.
But I think the best thing about this story is that in the end, when Sev laughed, so did I. Only, I laughed because I knew the answer to his question about himself--how does he manage to get tangled into these things? Because that's Sev, and that's his life.
Thanks very much. :) - ChaseHunts, here.
FIC: Primer to the Dark Arts, Harry/Ron, Harry/Snape, RATED R or NC-17, depending on which version you read.
REVIEW: Bloody fucking brilliant, really.
Having managed to give myself food poisoning and thus consigning myself to a night at home while the rest of my friends enjoyed a VIP room at a rather popular bar, I found myself beyond bored and quite lacking any desire to write.
I stumbled onto your 'Primer to the Dark Arts'.
It was a wonderful read. I laughed aloud at points (and I assure you, this does not happen often), and ignored phone calls at others - I didn't want to be interrupted. So forgive me if my review is rambling and incoherent; I'm just going to give impressions.
I have never been particularly fond of student/teacher ships - not because I object to them; I don't, in the least. It's just that it's never seemed very realistic, to me, that any Hogwart's teacher would bend the rules so far as to have relations (or just plain 'ole sex) with a student. Yet you managed to find a way to get around this in a somewhat realistic manner.
Now, granted, it's obvious that this would never happen. Just as H/D will never happen (which is what I'm currently writing). The trick is to find authors who are actually interested in trying to make the circimstances that bring the slashers together understandable/believable. You've done this. Congrats to you.
Furthermore, you made Snape somewhat likeable without compromising his character. He is a nasty, secretive person. You've translated that into a character that possesses those qualities, but is also amusing and capable of passion (whether that be sex or something with a more emotional aspect). I liked that Harry didn't change Snape too much - I can't see Severus compromising his teaching in order to please anyone.
On to rants. I hate it when things are left hanging! I wanted to know more about the love potion, the quicksilver, Snape's relationship with Torvold, the reasoning behind bringing Harry to Snape Manor. And yet... I find that I rather like that you left some of this open to interpretation. You gave some things away, but manage to keep the mystery (i.e. Ron asking Harry about the love potion in the last scene, and Harry's response).
- Slight break. I paused to read 'Beg Me For It'. Amusing, well written - and that's saying something, because I generally don't read first person passages. -
I wish you'd spent a little more time on Ron and Hermione, but that is mostly due to my personal preference for some knowledge of secondary characters. It would only have added to the story; it didn't detract from it.
Regardless, I applaud (and am jealous of) your talent; you're a great writer. Should you ever need feedback on a new piece, please let me know - I can't think that you could write anything I wouldn't enjoy reading.
Lyla - Lyla Lorrin, via email.
FIC: Guy Talk, Harry/Surprise, RATED R
REVIEW: I read that a week or so ago, and re-read it just now, and it was still as hilarious as the first time. In a way, the Gryffindors' conversation rang true of adolescent boys in the height of puberty in a way very few slash fics do. Just... *credible*.
Well, being spoilered by 'Primer to the Dark Arts' and several of your other fics, twist didn't come as a surprise, but the way you wrote them in this was *so* very brilliant. So eager to get into the secrets of the others, the blowjob-obsession *snicker*, and then his panicked/over-explanatory reaction. Wonderful, and so incredibly IC. You can write credible, likable boys in a way very few others can.
Harry was delightful as well, from that brilliant start (quote cut for spoilers).
to his apology/explanation/possessive declaration of love at the end: (quote cut for spoilers).
Very sweet, and understandable.
And poor sheltererd Neville really knocked me off my chair a couple of times: (quote cut for spoilers).
Dear gods, yes, the mere idea is scary.
This was a really wonderful story, which more than deserved being niffled - hysterical, realistic and with a serious undertone at the end. Beautiful work. - Hijja, here.
Okay. That'll do.
Icarus
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no subject
Date: 2004-01-10 12:09 pm (UTC)LOL @ the ending:
Severus laughed and laughed. It did his Slytherin heart good.
I had read this before and enjoyed the pairing. I'd love to have a sequel, but then I guess the story really doesn't need one. Still, that's a rareslash pairing, so if you did a sequel or a stand-alone, I'd heart you greatly.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-10 08:29 pm (UTC)I never intended 'A Moment of Sin' to be other than a one-shot, but I accidentally posted it as a chaptered story on Fiction Alley. A number of people asked for more, and I do have some background, etc., typed. But there hasn't been a pull to continue the story really, as the denouement hasn't leapt out at me.
Icarus
thanks for pointing me to this followup story
Date: 2004-01-10 08:59 pm (UTC)Well, of course I would love to know how Severus extricated Terry from his dangerous life. But I won't nag you. Just know that there's someone who would squee over more Terry in any form.
Re: thanks for pointing me to this followup story
Date: 2004-01-10 09:45 pm (UTC)It's funny, but his personality is very clear to me. He's outgoing and gregarious, has dark curly hair and a rather ordinary, cheerful, boy-next-door face. He's smart, somewhat irreverent and will joke to distract people from what's serious, all the while watching them carefully -- and with curiosity. His disarming manner causes people to underestimate him constantly.
It was a big surprise to a lot of people when he was put in Ravenclaw instead of Hufflepuff or maybe Gryffindor (maybe).
In fact the only thing the Sorting Hat debated was whether he should go in Slytherin or Ravenclaw. It decided he was more interested in knowing things for their own sake than to benefit himself. He wasn't quite ambitious enough for Slytherin, though he would do well there because of his uncanny ability to fool people and keep secrets.
His detached curiosity allows him to sort of float through tough circumstances and keep his sense of humour. He's still fresh after all he's been through. He's fascinated by corrupt bullshit and finds the seedy side of life rather entertaining ("wow, people really think like that? Weird!").
Icarus
Re: thanks for pointing me to this followup story
Date: 2004-01-10 11:45 pm (UTC)