Stunning pratfall

My uncle: "Hey, did you hear about that astrology thing? That the astrology signs might be changing?"

Me, stumbling with large box with two lamps, still in my boots, snow on the floor: "Yeah, I think I read something about that."

My uncle: "Does this mean I'm not a Scorpio anymore?"

Me, picking up my Starbucks cocoa, hmm, wonder if it's still warm: "Mmm, no."

My uncle: "Because I don't want to be a Scorpio."

My aunt: "He wants to be something different."

Me, at the top of the stairs, turning back a little confused: "Then you're definitely a Scorpio, because they all want to be diiiif--!"

FWOOP! Bounce! Bump!

Me: "Ow."

Chocolate everywhere, my aunt and uncle come running. I'm flat on my back on the landing. And... I hurt. Took me a minute to realize that it wasn't (somehow) my uncle's fault, that I'd slipped on some snow.

Think my boss was warm and understanding about my not being at work today?

Of course not. While she's willing to give me a ride home in the worst weather, she's also the one who, when I told her I had pink eye (with twenty-four hours notice I wouldn't be in) said, "But what about my schedule!?" Then cut my hours the following week.

Pages missing from the Boss Manual.

My boss is missing a few pages from the Boss Manual. There's a section under Sick/Injured Employees (page 22):

Employee: "I can't come in today."

Boss, recommended action --

Step one: express concern for the employee (fake it). "Oh dear, I hope you're okay."
Step two: segue into finding out the seriousness of the employee's condition (ask for details because employees do lie) and see if they can come in.
Step three: if employee appears reticent and their condition does not seem serious, express your need for them.
Step four: if they employee still can't come, tell them how much they'll be missed. (Yes, guilt works.)
Step five: if the employee still can't come, ask if there are any specific responsibilities that need to be taken care of in their absence. Many employees are more than happy to arrange their responsibilities, saving you the trouble. Then you don't have to a) find out what they are, and b) work out how to handle them yourself. The employee knows his/her job best.

What not to do --

Do not yell at the employee. Then they won't care if they've inconvenienced you. You've handed them justification.
Do not assume you know what the employee's condition is before you've asked (very embarrassing if you order them to work due to sleeping in, only to discover that they've been in a car accident).
Especially do not yell at the employee before you've asked what the employee's condition is. Said car accident becomes doubly embarrassing.
Do not try to make your problems the employee's problem. "What do I do to cover your [X] duties?!" makes you sound inept. In fact, it is the manager's responsibility to handle employee emergencies and sick time. This is why managers are paid more than employees. Your employees know this.

So if you have an hourly employee who has not come in, or who has called in sick: breathe. Put on your best phony smile. And remember that you get benefits, and they don't.



This message is brought to you by an employee who fell down a flight of stairs, and had her manager do everything wrong this morning. Which she has done both times I've been sick the last 15 months. I've left out her phone call waking up my mother (I don't live at my mother's and my boss knows this) and her showing up at my door this evening, letting out my indoor cats as I sagged to floor in pain after trying to chase them down, because that was a one of a kind experience.