Paul Ryan: the dickwich neighbor.

Going through FactCheck.org about the recent speeches at the recent Republican and Democratic conventions.

I expect exaggerations and hot air at these things.

I didn't expect Bill Clinton to provide more solid facts than anyone -- especially the Republican candidate, who gave no facts at all but instead rambled in a Mad Men fantasy land -- and then have them all check out.

Accuracy and facts at a convention? Good heavens! What's this world coming to?

The rest was normal, normal, normal, no facts, normal ... until I got to Paul Ryan.

What struck me about the fact check report on Paul Ryan is that he's a shit. No, really. This guy's a total asshole. He accuses the president of the stuff Ryan himself is responsible for.

Paul Ryan's the guy you don't want as a neighbor. The guy who puts his boat on your side of the property line, killing your grass. Then, once he's finally moved it, calls the neighborhood association to complain about your dead grass. Paul Ryan's a dickwich.

The candidates: who would they be in a Zombie Apocalypse?

Who would the candidates be in a zombie apocalypse?

Joe Biden would be the guy who raids the federal armory and kicks open the doors to the local supermarket, waving everyone in to take food while he stands guard. You know the one -- the first guy to figure out that the old rules don't apply.

President Obama would be the guy you find at the local church (that's been turned into a hospital). He's introduced as "the doc" and he's wearing an expensive blood-stained shirt as he directs people inside. Once the doors are re-barricaded, you discover he's a lawyer who retooled himself to fit the need of the moment when the first doctor got killed.

Mitt Romney's the smug socialite who, when the chips were down, shot his neighbors to make sure he himself would have enough food. Everyone is warned to stay away from his house, and folks have to wrestle with their consciences when the zombies head his way: do you warn the selfish bastard? Do you help him? He wouldn't help you.

Paul Ryan's the zombie. He's first guy who got killed. You watched him be a vicious boss, a liar, and an arrogant jerk. When he died you didn't regret it. But now he's a zombie and he's even worse.