(no subject)
Aug. 22nd, 2004 12:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icarusBuddhist stuff.
Well, I usually explain Buddhist stuff as I post, but... I'm really tired tonight. So, Buddhist stuff with no explanations of what the hell I'm talking about:
I've only 58,000 mandala offerings left to do, and then I will have finished ngundro. At a steady rate, that would take about 7-8 weeks.
Khenpo Tsultrim Gyatso is coming in November giving a whole bunch of teachings that are waaaaaaay over my head (but likely over everyone else's heads as well, except for those who've done three-year retreat). The requirement for his previous teachings has been that you've participated in a particular series of classes, and throughly studied the Progressive Stages of Meditation on Emptiness (I've studied it, but thoroughly? No). But this time his requirement is to have ngundro complete.
Of course, the main requirement for any high level of teaching is a clean relationship with your guru.
The thing is, Ponlop Rinpoche asked me to do Vajrasattva. A daily practice of two hours a day. Which I haven't done when I dumped his dharma center because of problems with the men there (two men fighting over me, another asshole I dated that turned really sour, another acting inappropriately - grop-y hands - and another sending me inappropriate stalker-ish emails). Ponlop Rinpoche will be at those teachings since Khenpo is his main teacher. I've been out of contact with Ponlop Rinpoche for two years.
*sighs*
So now I'm paralyzed which to do. The right thing to do is Vajrasattva. But I've done Vajrasatta. Tons and tons of Vajrasatta. I did Vajrasattva for 5 1/2 months in sealed retreat. *sighs heavier* The best thing to do is both (ha-ha, like I'll do five hours of practice a day while I'm working full time).
I forever get into these stymied situations -- and then I don't do anything.
Yes. I know part of why Lamas tell you to do things you don't want to do is to cut through obstacles to uh, like, listening?
I am not soliciting advice unless you know the definition of term "ngundro" and it's implications for practice, and have done at least 100,000 Vajrasattva yourself.
Well, I usually explain Buddhist stuff as I post, but... I'm really tired tonight. So, Buddhist stuff with no explanations of what the hell I'm talking about:
I've only 58,000 mandala offerings left to do, and then I will have finished ngundro. At a steady rate, that would take about 7-8 weeks.
Khenpo Tsultrim Gyatso is coming in November giving a whole bunch of teachings that are waaaaaaay over my head (but likely over everyone else's heads as well, except for those who've done three-year retreat). The requirement for his previous teachings has been that you've participated in a particular series of classes, and throughly studied the Progressive Stages of Meditation on Emptiness (I've studied it, but thoroughly? No). But this time his requirement is to have ngundro complete.
Of course, the main requirement for any high level of teaching is a clean relationship with your guru.
The thing is, Ponlop Rinpoche asked me to do Vajrasattva. A daily practice of two hours a day. Which I haven't done when I dumped his dharma center because of problems with the men there (two men fighting over me, another asshole I dated that turned really sour, another acting inappropriately - grop-y hands - and another sending me inappropriate stalker-ish emails). Ponlop Rinpoche will be at those teachings since Khenpo is his main teacher. I've been out of contact with Ponlop Rinpoche for two years.
*sighs*
So now I'm paralyzed which to do. The right thing to do is Vajrasattva. But I've done Vajrasatta. Tons and tons of Vajrasatta. I did Vajrasattva for 5 1/2 months in sealed retreat. *sighs heavier* The best thing to do is both (ha-ha, like I'll do five hours of practice a day while I'm working full time).
I forever get into these stymied situations -- and then I don't do anything.
Yes. I know part of why Lamas tell you to do things you don't want to do is to cut through obstacles to uh, like, listening?
I am not soliciting advice unless you know the definition of term "ngundro" and it's implications for practice, and have done at least 100,000 Vajrasattva yourself.
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-22 01:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-22 09:39 am (UTC)Let me see if I understand the situation at ALL without the technical details: You're involved in completing a time-consuming spiritual practice. You want to complete it by a certain date, because a teacher you want to hear has said that he's giving his next teaching for people who have completed this.
This teacher is also the main teacher of someone you used to study with, and so is sort of a boss' boss to you in this? And the person you used to study with will be there.
The person you used to study with -- almost "old boss" -- asked you to do something else time-consuming, apparently because it would be good for you, and you haven't been doing it (and here's where my interpretation of your words comes in) both because it's time-consuming, and because you're not really motivated to do so since you stopped studying with him under what sound like perfectly wretched circumstances.
And you're feeling like you don't want to see the old teacher, because you're not doing the time-consuming thing he suggested -- is that it? Is it also residual discomfort because the other people who were studying with him when you were treated you poorly, and maybe that reflects on him, some, and somehow I'm getting an odd feeling that he'd disclaim any responsibility for the inappropriate behavior of the people he was supposed to be helping get enlightened?
This is not advice. This is merely me trying to figure out what the heck you're talking about.
Five hours a day of spiritual stuff on top of working full time sounds like intense dedication to me, certainly.
Good luck with your dilemma.