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May. 30th, 2003 06:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icarusYou know you have a story people like when quotes from it start appearing in their signatures.
mystic7
Second Year
Registered: Jan 2003
Posts: 126
Online
__________________
MY Fics-READ 'EM!
Official Wand Waxer at The SS Guns and Handcuffs*Official Secret Snog Session Coordinator at The HMS Pumpkin Pie*Official Pet Groomer on The HMS Wolfstar*Official Book Stacker at The SS Leather and Libraries*Official Bed Warmer on The HMS Forget-Me-Not*
"Roll a-round the Astronomy To-wer... Get-ting nak-ed in the show-er... the blouse is off -- not far to go... It's time to see if she will blow! "
Guy Talk-By Icarus
Hi! I was so impressed by your two fics I felt that you deserved a better response than a three-paragraph posting on the list. There were so many interesting and unusual aspects to your work that I couldn't help but comment!
I just *loved* "Beg me for it". From the title, I almost skipped it because it sounded like it might be your standard lite-BSM fic (nothing wrong with that, it's just a little overdone). Thank goodness I didn't!
*That Tricky Redhead*
Your Ron voice is fantastic. And you're so right - the lightness and humour in his voice was the only way to make what he witnessed palatable. What interested me was that in the second fic, which switches to a third person narrative, you still retained a lot of the attributes of his speech - the short sentences, simple words and structures, and the sense of humour. Not sure whether that means that you are an expert at adopting your character's natural voice, or whether your own personal voice is a bit like Ron's to begin with. Either way, I'm very impressed!
And your Ron is so wonderful! I'm not a Ron fan, which is why I hit the floor whenever someone manages to write him as both credible and interesting. I think you had your Draco make the point that he was simple, but that didn't mean he wasn't clever, and that's a perfect summary. He's a pretty faithful extension of canon!Ron, too: the simplicity, the big heart, the slight air of clumsiness. The only things missing were his quick temper and his tendency to sulk - I think your Ron was a bit more laid back than the canon version, but who's to say he hasn't grown up a little since fourth year?
I love the way your Ron draws the reader in by talking direct to them with little self-effacing comments like "One bright spot was lunch with Percy every day. Did you know he had a sense of humour?" or "I can be honest here, can't I? I'm a little sappy when it comes to sex, too." Just beautiful! It makes the story so lively and easy to read.
*Your Inner Bloke*
My daily lament is that slash characters are just too girly. Every time I read Lucius Malfoy proclaiming "No, let's not fuck, I'd like to snuggle for a while" I beat my head on the desk.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for writing some slash that is credible and original and so damn *simple* in its execution (no-one saw stars, no-one felt they'd been broken into pieces and put back together again ...) that it put a huge grin on my face!
You definitely have an Inner Bloke! (or perhaps an Outer Bloke - one doesn't wish to presume!) Goodness, a sex scene where boys go straight for the cock - where was all the kissing and licking I normally have to wade through?? I really loved that first night in Ron's bed. The "I'm straight as an arrow but I'd like to fuck this one guy" is so often done unconvincingly in slash, but I completely believed your Ron. I liked his honesty - going from "I was totally disgusted" to "I still wank to that image in the shower." Oh, such elegant simplicity!
And on the subject of wanking - well done on your many mentions of that. Very bloke. I also liked Ron's musings in the second part about whether to have sex before dinner or after. Oh, you do this bloke thing so effortlessly, and it's so refreshing!
*Brave New World*
I love the post-war world you've created. Lucius Malfoy was the best Minister of Magic we'd ever had. What a controversial first line! But you go on to justify that, and I was totally convinced! I particularly like the bonding between Lucius and Percy - a really clever twist.
And the colosseum where you have Draco tortured - how horrible but how believable, from the sign above his head to the clown pissing on him. That sort of cruelty is actually more realistic than Death Eater behaviour in canon, I think, and that has great dramatic effect. But you didn't glory in the pain - thank you for that. You just described what was necessary to your story and left it at that. Again, impressed.
I think you analyse Ron and Percy's status as collaborators cleverly. I have to say, that word (and it's a great word, loaded with meaning from past wars) didn't even occur to me until Draco used it. I had just presumed Ron and Percy were doing what they had to in order to live. But of course, you're right, and I love Ron's disgust when he sees the dark side of Voldemort's regime. I'm delighted by the irony of Draco being the one to call Ron a collaborator.
*The Second Part*
The second part didn't impress me *quite* so much. I hope you don't mind a small criticism amongst all this praise - I found it too long. Up until the moment where Ron and Draco leave to go to Percy's flat, it's basically one long sequence without a great deal of action. Sure, there's great character detail, humour, and the sex is hot, but there were moments when descriptions of Draco putting on makeup started to drag for me.
In the first part, you skip around in time a bit more, which means you focus more on the imporant moments rather than describing one long stretch of time. For instance, I thought this segue was particularly dexterous - both funny, clever and short: "I did give him a blow job. Later. He said I sucked at it." So I *know* you can do concise. I just would have liked to see more of it in the second part!
When you were hot, though, god you were hot! Of course, SaturdayNightFever!Draco has been done before. But yours is different and better. I lapped up every word of the description, and if I tried to praise my favourite bits, I'd have to paste in the whole excerpt. You may have made me a shoulder fetishist!!
The drugs were a good way to make Draco relaxed and affectionate without having to warp his character - very clever. And I laughed at the irony of him trading in black market Muggle goods!
And the end of Part 2, oh that warmed my heart! I love Percy to death, but I don't think his canon character has the depth to sustain his own fics, so I'm overjoyed when someone gives him a decent cameo. And this Percy has all the bossiness of his canon incarnation, but also the loyal Weasley heart. I like the understated way he accepts Ron's plan. Like so much of this fic, it's simple, but artfully set up and totally charming.
Oh, really, I could go on forever and quote virtually the entire fic! I love your little snippets of wisdom - like "You see, the main trick of delegating is not to get people to do what they want already - that's not hard. Draco came here to kill Lucius Malfoy. I knew that. The real trick is to motivate people to do it *your* way." There were so many funny moments I couldn't limit my favourites even to ten.
You seem to have such control over your subject matter. I think that, for all it looks like a simple tale, this is really an accomplished piece and far more complex than it looks. Your characters are vibrant, and you make them exciting without betraying canon. And the crowning glory is your central character, this fabulously entertaining, clever/simple and good-hearted Ron. I'm even starting to love him a little ...
It won't surprise you to know that I *really* want to see more! Congratulations, and thank you.
Kit
You know, people who write like this I usually ask to Beta for me. Hopefully this will wake up my sleepy muse.
mystic7
Second Year
Registered: Jan 2003
Posts: 126
Online
__________________
MY Fics-READ 'EM!
Official Wand Waxer at The SS Guns and Handcuffs*Official Secret Snog Session Coordinator at The HMS Pumpkin Pie*Official Pet Groomer on The HMS Wolfstar*Official Book Stacker at The SS Leather and Libraries*Official Bed Warmer on The HMS Forget-Me-Not*
"Roll a-round the Astronomy To-wer... Get-ting nak-ed in the show-er... the blouse is off -- not far to go... It's time to see if she will blow! "
Guy Talk-By Icarus
Hi! I was so impressed by your two fics I felt that you deserved a better response than a three-paragraph posting on the list. There were so many interesting and unusual aspects to your work that I couldn't help but comment!
I just *loved* "Beg me for it". From the title, I almost skipped it because it sounded like it might be your standard lite-BSM fic (nothing wrong with that, it's just a little overdone). Thank goodness I didn't!
*That Tricky Redhead*
Your Ron voice is fantastic. And you're so right - the lightness and humour in his voice was the only way to make what he witnessed palatable. What interested me was that in the second fic, which switches to a third person narrative, you still retained a lot of the attributes of his speech - the short sentences, simple words and structures, and the sense of humour. Not sure whether that means that you are an expert at adopting your character's natural voice, or whether your own personal voice is a bit like Ron's to begin with. Either way, I'm very impressed!
And your Ron is so wonderful! I'm not a Ron fan, which is why I hit the floor whenever someone manages to write him as both credible and interesting. I think you had your Draco make the point that he was simple, but that didn't mean he wasn't clever, and that's a perfect summary. He's a pretty faithful extension of canon!Ron, too: the simplicity, the big heart, the slight air of clumsiness. The only things missing were his quick temper and his tendency to sulk - I think your Ron was a bit more laid back than the canon version, but who's to say he hasn't grown up a little since fourth year?
I love the way your Ron draws the reader in by talking direct to them with little self-effacing comments like "One bright spot was lunch with Percy every day. Did you know he had a sense of humour?" or "I can be honest here, can't I? I'm a little sappy when it comes to sex, too." Just beautiful! It makes the story so lively and easy to read.
*Your Inner Bloke*
My daily lament is that slash characters are just too girly. Every time I read Lucius Malfoy proclaiming "No, let's not fuck, I'd like to snuggle for a while" I beat my head on the desk.
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for writing some slash that is credible and original and so damn *simple* in its execution (no-one saw stars, no-one felt they'd been broken into pieces and put back together again ...) that it put a huge grin on my face!
You definitely have an Inner Bloke! (or perhaps an Outer Bloke - one doesn't wish to presume!) Goodness, a sex scene where boys go straight for the cock - where was all the kissing and licking I normally have to wade through?? I really loved that first night in Ron's bed. The "I'm straight as an arrow but I'd like to fuck this one guy" is so often done unconvincingly in slash, but I completely believed your Ron. I liked his honesty - going from "I was totally disgusted" to "I still wank to that image in the shower." Oh, such elegant simplicity!
And on the subject of wanking - well done on your many mentions of that. Very bloke. I also liked Ron's musings in the second part about whether to have sex before dinner or after. Oh, you do this bloke thing so effortlessly, and it's so refreshing!
*Brave New World*
I love the post-war world you've created. Lucius Malfoy was the best Minister of Magic we'd ever had. What a controversial first line! But you go on to justify that, and I was totally convinced! I particularly like the bonding between Lucius and Percy - a really clever twist.
And the colosseum where you have Draco tortured - how horrible but how believable, from the sign above his head to the clown pissing on him. That sort of cruelty is actually more realistic than Death Eater behaviour in canon, I think, and that has great dramatic effect. But you didn't glory in the pain - thank you for that. You just described what was necessary to your story and left it at that. Again, impressed.
I think you analyse Ron and Percy's status as collaborators cleverly. I have to say, that word (and it's a great word, loaded with meaning from past wars) didn't even occur to me until Draco used it. I had just presumed Ron and Percy were doing what they had to in order to live. But of course, you're right, and I love Ron's disgust when he sees the dark side of Voldemort's regime. I'm delighted by the irony of Draco being the one to call Ron a collaborator.
*The Second Part*
The second part didn't impress me *quite* so much. I hope you don't mind a small criticism amongst all this praise - I found it too long. Up until the moment where Ron and Draco leave to go to Percy's flat, it's basically one long sequence without a great deal of action. Sure, there's great character detail, humour, and the sex is hot, but there were moments when descriptions of Draco putting on makeup started to drag for me.
In the first part, you skip around in time a bit more, which means you focus more on the imporant moments rather than describing one long stretch of time. For instance, I thought this segue was particularly dexterous - both funny, clever and short: "I did give him a blow job. Later. He said I sucked at it." So I *know* you can do concise. I just would have liked to see more of it in the second part!
When you were hot, though, god you were hot! Of course, SaturdayNightFever!Draco has been done before. But yours is different and better. I lapped up every word of the description, and if I tried to praise my favourite bits, I'd have to paste in the whole excerpt. You may have made me a shoulder fetishist!!
The drugs were a good way to make Draco relaxed and affectionate without having to warp his character - very clever. And I laughed at the irony of him trading in black market Muggle goods!
And the end of Part 2, oh that warmed my heart! I love Percy to death, but I don't think his canon character has the depth to sustain his own fics, so I'm overjoyed when someone gives him a decent cameo. And this Percy has all the bossiness of his canon incarnation, but also the loyal Weasley heart. I like the understated way he accepts Ron's plan. Like so much of this fic, it's simple, but artfully set up and totally charming.
Oh, really, I could go on forever and quote virtually the entire fic! I love your little snippets of wisdom - like "You see, the main trick of delegating is not to get people to do what they want already - that's not hard. Draco came here to kill Lucius Malfoy. I knew that. The real trick is to motivate people to do it *your* way." There were so many funny moments I couldn't limit my favourites even to ten.
You seem to have such control over your subject matter. I think that, for all it looks like a simple tale, this is really an accomplished piece and far more complex than it looks. Your characters are vibrant, and you make them exciting without betraying canon. And the crowning glory is your central character, this fabulously entertaining, clever/simple and good-hearted Ron. I'm even starting to love him a little ...
It won't surprise you to know that I *really* want to see more! Congratulations, and thank you.
Kit
You know, people who write like this I usually ask to Beta for me. Hopefully this will wake up my sleepy muse.