And FWIW, a long after I put a stop to it he asked me if I had any regrets. When I said, "The sex," he responded that I'd be welcome back in his bed anytime. Perhaps it's a pattern of the type.
Ugh!
They see you as such an object of sexual gratification they don't get you have a will and mind of your own.
Not stupidity on your part. I was helped by the fact that I'd already seen him worm his way into my mom's life, breaking up her marriage with my dad -- and he bragged about his cleverness. So he was the dangerous outsider that I refused to call "dad." He had no basis of trust to work from. In fact, I regarded him with abiding suspicion and narrowed eyes, though eventually his charm won me over too, after three years.
Also, people who try to fuck you when they're falling down drunk are never pleasant. This was not intelligence on my part -- this was disgust.
That said, he got away with fondling me for a year and a half before he ratcheted it up to a level (drunker than usual) that frightened me. He never attempted to convince me it was right (and he could have), instead he told me, "I love you so much I want to eat you up." That's when I made my escape plan and started locking the doors.
Lastly, unlike your situation, he wasn't after me in particular. I was merely there -- a blow-up doll would have served the same purpose. I know that it's typical for kids to blame themselves, and for years I thought, "If I hadn't been so stupid I would have stopped it sooner...." It was humiliating.
But you have to give yourself credit. You did put a stop to it. I did come up with an escape plan and a clear line of demarcation where if he went this far, I would implement it. And that's pretty impressive for a 12-year-old. The fact that you considered the impact on his family is pretty amazing. We were too young to understand this was wrong but we did figure it out.
I still find myself having to shake off habits that I developed dealing with that situation, things like making excuses for him. I had deal with him every day, and I needed his support in my problems with my mom. I needed to negotiate with him to get him to stop bullying my brother and I used his attraction to me for leverage, distraction, whatever it took to protect my little brother. One of the benefits of being a nun all those years is that I completely broke my habit of manipulating men with a ruthless sexuality, though I hurt two boyfriends pretty badly before I realized it was a problem.
Back to the book... it's odd, though. I was given the book before I'd put together this was wrong and I still didn't like it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2007-06-11 01:48 am (UTC)Ugh!
They see you as such an object of sexual gratification they don't get you have a will and mind of your own.
Not stupidity on your part. I was helped by the fact that I'd already seen him worm his way into my mom's life, breaking up her marriage with my dad -- and he bragged about his cleverness. So he was the dangerous outsider that I refused to call "dad." He had no basis of trust to work from. In fact, I regarded him with abiding suspicion and narrowed eyes, though eventually his charm won me over too, after three years.
Also, people who try to fuck you when they're falling down drunk are never pleasant. This was not intelligence on my part -- this was disgust.
That said, he got away with fondling me for a year and a half before he ratcheted it up to a level (drunker than usual) that frightened me. He never attempted to convince me it was right (and he could have), instead he told me, "I love you so much I want to eat you up." That's when I made my escape plan and started locking the doors.
Lastly, unlike your situation, he wasn't after me in particular. I was merely there -- a blow-up doll would have served the same purpose. I know that it's typical for kids to blame themselves, and for years I thought, "If I hadn't been so stupid I would have stopped it sooner...." It was humiliating.
But you have to give yourself credit. You did put a stop to it. I did come up with an escape plan and a clear line of demarcation where if he went this far, I would implement it. And that's pretty impressive for a 12-year-old. The fact that you considered the impact on his family is pretty amazing. We were too young to understand this was wrong but we did figure it out.
I still find myself having to shake off habits that I developed dealing with that situation, things like making excuses for him. I had deal with him every day, and I needed his support in my problems with my mom. I needed to negotiate with him to get him to stop bullying my brother and I used his attraction to me for leverage, distraction, whatever it took to protect my little brother. One of the benefits of being a nun all those years is that I completely broke my habit of manipulating men with a ruthless sexuality, though I hurt two boyfriends pretty badly before I realized it was a problem.
Back to the book... it's odd, though. I was given the book before I'd put together this was wrong and I still didn't like it.