Thesis issues.

[icarus]

So my thesis proposal is due this Tuesday. This is a proposal that will go to a committee who will decide if my project is worth working on. Then, if accepted, I will be spending the next year on this topic.

I originally wanted to research the history of tantric Buddhism, find the connections between tantric Buddhism and Indian esoteric Buddhism. But my professor wanted me to ask a why question. She said, "Your question is about definitions and the committee doesn't want that."

So I struggled to come up with a "why" question on the subject of a religion where the Buddha, when asked 14 different "why" questions, remained utterly silent. On a subject where "why" is utterly irrelevant. Why? Because you want to get enlightened, because suffering exists and you want it to end, that's why.

I didn't want to ask a "why" question.

So I tried to find something that worked for her (and the committee). The main problem being that although I'm in the International Studies, my subject is really more in the field of Asian Languages and Literature.

I found that I did have access to data on empowerments and initiations, and that no one had studied them. Okay. Maybe I could go there.

But. No one had studied them for good reason. They're secret. I worked up a few sections of the proposal, using that as my source of data, and my qualms started growing other qualms. I justified looking at this information as data because some of it had been made public by Buddhist teachers. I decided I could use that as my guideline as to what could be treated and secret and what couldn't.

Finally, I couldn't ignore those qualms. I had an ethical dilemma.

I spoke to my professor. She didn't see it as an ethical dilemma. Fuck. Every Buddhologist out there calls it an ethical issue. Conze (very famous non-Buddhist Marxist Sanskrit translator) calls it an ethical issue. If you give your word to keep something private, even in an ordinary situation, breaking your word is unethical. THIS IS NOT THE QUESTION I WANTED TO ADDRESS IN THE FIRST PLACE. I didn't yell at her. I don't call myself calm. When people tell me astounding things I tend to just stare at them and wonder, "am I the one wrong here?" But no, no, I'm not.

So we shifted the topic to "secrecy" in tantric Buddhism. And I am so, so, so very bored with this topic. Because this is of no interest to me whatsoever. It is not an important issue in the field of Buddhist studies. It hasn't been studied much that I can tell, but largely because no one cares.

Including me.

How did I get redirected from my initial fascinating historical project on the roots of tantric Buddhism and its transference from India to Tibet, into "Why are Secret Practices Secret"? Although yes, I agree, most of the misunderstanding about tantra comes from its secrecy. Of course it does.

Fine, fine, secrecy. I'll have to cobble together a new theoretical model based on semiotics, memory studies, and -- of all things -- medical studies of how people attempt to describe indescribable experiences like severe pain.

I have to (re)write 25 pages of a topic that I don't care about, that no one in Buddhology cares about, where the two theoretical models that apply to it (not that I have much reading in this area because I was planning to do a history project) pretend that spiritual systems exist only for social reasons and have nothing at the core. Today.

*curses a long blue streak*

I've been avoiding this all week.


ETA: There's one thing I trust about my professor. Her students have consistently brought down the house with their honors theses. They win the prizes every year--to the point where it's been proposed that our program be excluded from the competition because too many from it win. So I know she's right when it comes to what scholars in International Studies want to see.

ETA2: I feel like I've totally failed and that there's no way I can do this. If I tell wildernessguru my issues, he will equate them to his own negative experiences in school (his parents were both teachers and therefore had no perspective when it came to their own kinetic-learning-style kid and totally wrecked his education). He'll just tell me "You're not capable."

ETA3: No, no, no, the musician downstairs may not use today to sing off-key. No.

Comments

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Whoops. Replied to the wrong comment. Eheh. *g*

[twistedrecesses.livejournal.com]

I assume, from the length of the proposal, that they expect you to stick to your plan pretty tightly, which doesn't give you much room to manouver. :/

Best of luck.

[twistedrecesses.livejournal.com]

The comment about memory brings me back to Psych 101. Of course, I probably couldn't find the reference even if I still had the book. I know I've read about theories like that before though, so they are out there somewhere.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I don't know. I would work with the same professor, so her attitudes are what shape this program. I asked, and she said that she needs us to "commit."

Personally, at the moment? I think that I'm sunk in this program anyway. I just need to get through this 25-page proposal.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'll scan the psych databases for articles on memory formation. I was looking in anthropology.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

It's a great question. The trouble is my time constraints. I won't be able to do the new research in time to get this in by Tuesday morning. So. Written by Monday night.

[sarka.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. That last bit sounds a little like the stuff I'm doing, on collective memory and identity creation. That's Aleida Assmann or Jan Assmann, or a number of others... there is heaps of research on the subject of collective memory/cultural memory. It might not be precisely what you're looking for, but it's a start.

Basically, it mostly deals with the transformation of individual memory into cultural memory, like you're saying, how the storytelling reshapes the memories - it has a lot to do with the extensiveness of memory and the medium in which the memory is transmitted. If you're intrigued, there's a really theoretical chapter on this subject in Contextual Political Analysis, published by Oxford University Press in 2006, edited by Goodin and Tilly. The chapter itself is by Aleida Assmann.

I think it's an intriguing idea, but I get that it's not what you wanted to do. The best way I could see to break out of your dilemma is to do the research on secrecy, but really focus on how that secrecy has shaped the popular view of Tantric Buddhism, which gives you the opportunity to explain the difference between the view of Tantric Buddhism and Tantric Buddhism itself. Which should give you some room to do research on Tantric initiation, right?

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Oh, I want to smooooooch you. This. This is solving my dilemma in so many ways.

1 - You've given me the missing puzzle piece for my memory research, to support the why of the secrecy.

2 - This is an excellent way to do both, because the tradition breaks with secrecy on the question of inition due to concerns over misunderstandings. I don't yet have a handle how to organize these ideas, but now I have a way to direct it back to what I want to do.

*smishes you and rumples you and overall acts in a highly grateful and relieved manner*

[sarka.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad I could be of assistance :) I hope this still holds up when you actually start looking into the research - a lot of the collective memory stuff has been done with reference to either nation formation or generational studies. That's the angles I'm working with the most, these days. But I'm sure there's a lot out there I haven't seen, I've barely scratched the surface :) (There's an actual journal out there titled History and Memory!)

*grins*

*takes opportunity to smooch you back*

;)

[ursula]

Yay!

My thought based on your initial proposal was that there is a why question in there, but it's not why about the history, it's why about the historiography-- why tantric Buddhism has been dismissed (orientalism, much?).

[rabidfan.livejournal.com]

You are a bright, passionate individual. If anyone can make such a topic work it will be you. My only concern is that it bores you already. How will you last out the year?

WG is truly clueless, Lord love him. I'm sure he means well, but sadly his "encouragement" seems to be all of the wrong type. I will tell you often how smart and capable you are. It will make ALL the difference.

I know how that goes - keep on keeping on and good luck!

[alfrenne.livejournal.com]

Hiya,

I was in the exact same situation as this except in music, and I just submitted. The initial area of study I proposed and was accepted on suddenly got re-directed and I felt like I had no control. A new advisor came on board; it was all a bit of a nightmare for a while. The thing is, my new topic (which I felt came from the advisors)was smaller and less adventurous but still of interest of me, so I was lucky at least where you seem to be being cheated out of an area you're interested in, which really sucks after your hard work (I was crying in the professor's office - I know the way theses can suck).

The only thing is, maybe you'll find some aspect of this that seems uninteresting now that will open up a new area to you? Or maybe some of the methodologies and whatnot will come in useful if you do get to do the topic you chose initially in further studies, doctoral or conference papers or whatever they might be? That's mostly what I got out of the clusterfuck that was my initial nightmare experience.

I hope they treat you nicely and you get this sorted to as much your level of satisfaction as possible. You clearly know so much about the topic, and it can be so frustrating when someone is seeing your passionate work in cold scientific terms and reducing it to structural plans and missing its essence. Sometimes I've found it's worse when you care passionately about a subject. But hopefully you will come across an area of interest withing the new parameters of your proprosal, or can manipulate the thesis to touch upon some of your original concerns. Best of luck with it!

-Alfrenne.

[ariadne83]

Oh wow, I feel your pain. I had a year to research and write a 10,000 word thesis to complete my honours year. Yeah, I got 6 months in and at my research presentation I had to front up to the whole department and say "Well, I've discovered that there's not enough evidence to address the question on which my entire paper is based. Any ideas on what I can do now, excluding throwing out all the work I've done so far?" Admitting that, and redirecting myself is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The only thing you can do is trust yourself and keep trying. Good luck!!!

[infiticus.livejournal.com]

How about

"Why, in Budhhism, is 'why' answered with silence"

or

"Why ask 'why' -- An Analysis of the roots of Tantric Buddhism"?

essentially - turn the question INTO the question?

In the end I guess you have to consider the goal and the path. Is the goal worth the pain of the path, or is the journey the true purpose? Which is ... unnecessarily metaphorical of me I suppose but still for me sums it up. :)

Good luck!!!

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

How about

"Why, in Budhhism, is 'why' answered with silence"

Actually, that's a very good idea (are you Buddhist?). It's a great question hitting the heart and soul (ha) of Buddhism. But, unfortunately, for that very reason it's a popular topic and well-trampled ground. Good for an essay on Buddhism. Not good for an honors thesis.

In the end I guess you have to consider the goal and the path. Is the goal worth the pain of the path, or is the journey the true purpose? Which is ... unnecessarily metaphorical of me I suppose but still for me sums it up. :)

At this point I'm at a tie-up-your-camels moment: I have to turn in a 25-page proposal on Tuesday or fail the class.

Good luck!!!

Thank you. :)

[nicocoer.livejournal.com]

♥ ?

Also, that your proff didn't get what is a clear cut ethical dilemma blows my mind. I mean. *blink blink* Especially since the application of logic continues to place it there.

Also, if you ever decde to write your original idea, and publish it, I'd buy it. it sounds fascinating. *_*

Good Luck. I think that The suggestion is because people without knowledge of this particular system don't get it but might wish to have an intro when confronted with it when their area of study brushes up against it? idk.

I think you'll pull off something worthwhile, even if it's not what you wanted.

[infiticus.livejournal.com]

Good for an essay on Buddhism. Not good for an honors thesis.
Hmmm. Unfortunately I have no idea what topics would be well covered versus which would not.

Since you want to do an analysis of the divergence/convergence of Tantric, could you phrase it as "Why the differences between...."; or "Why the divergence ".

I hear you on the 25 page proposal, and I understand. I just ... am incredibly stubborn, especially when told "no". *laughs* It comes out when I see someone else being trivially blocked by idiocy - makes me want to find creative ways to turn their pedantism back on them. :)

Nope - not a Buddhist! But I find the topics utterly fascinating, and I've really enjoyed your posts about your experiences.

[lherelenfeline.livejournal.com]

this is the proposal, right?

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's the proposal. *nods*

[lherelenfeline.livejournal.com]

Does it have to be written or it it a verbal presentation?
Mine was verbal with lots of slides and I was able to get away with a minimum of written content.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's written, 25 pages, with the sections:

The Question
The Argument
Methodology
Lit Review

[lherelenfeline.livejournal.com]

oi... All I can do is send you the good vibes.

[enname.livejournal.com]

You know, I hate and loathe it when professors exercise their own sense of 'right' and 'wrong' on a topic. I loathe it. Just because they feel that it can't work or won't be what a panel is looking for, doesn't mean that it should be ditched altogether. Working on something that does not interest you is about as bad as something that may not be liked by the international scholars. All I can say is that I am lucky my supervisor lets me do whatever I get into my head, especially how I routinely get very senior academics telling me to stop studying what I am studying because it is too 'esoteric' and 'pointless.'

Why questions are only popular because they mimic the 'scientific method' and give a thin veneer of objective rationality to any paper, locking down academic style and ignoring any other form of dissertation as 'shabby', irrational and pointless. *mutters some very rude things in here about style, pseudo enlightenment rationale and academic format not fitting every thesis*

That is.. weird. Looking at why ethical dilemmas are met with silence is.. no where near what you originally wanted, and I have no idea why your lecturer thought it would be remotely good for you to do. She should have suggested that you try to rework your original interested into a why question. That would be the only thing I can suggest (not doing what I would do and just do what I want without paying any heed to anyone else, perhaps not the best idea) is re posing what you originally wanted to do as a 'why' question, to go with your gut feeling. Surely there must be a reason 'why' you wanted to define these things? Then use that as the question for the thesis. Work backwards from methodology to problematique. Pick a possible interesting connection between the two different strands, or a problem that is answered by writing about the two and redefining them. Or (I am not sure what parameters you are allowed to write in).. you say you are interested in literature side of things... pick several specific texts and set up a why question as to different/individual characteristics.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Right now I'm just stuck. I have two approaches I can take. One: do what she says and go with the secrecy angle. I have an interesting theory. But I don't care about the topic. Not even remotely.

Two: go with my original topic, with the understanding that it's too broad and that this will probably be the end of my time in honors.

Right now I'm doing three: stare at the computer and ruminate.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Oh, now wildernessguru thinks I should give up and not do it. And, in fact, that I should never have applied to the program in the first place.