SGA Ficlet - Sniper - John/Rodney - R for implied violence

[icarus]

Somehow, this came out of a comment about wank and mob mentality in auburnnothenna's LJ. It probably doesn't make sense out of context (which I should probably fix in the story, but for now since I'm working on a 15-page paper....

As you fight back, you make it worse and worse. And people enjoy it. They enjoy the fight itself. They enjoy the suffering of the person losing the fight. They enjoy the cameraderie of being among the fighters. They enjoy the savor of victory and want more. I think that's the reason you see the last soldier of a battle hauled up a flagpole or dragged behind a jeep, or riddled with an unecessary number of bullets.

Great, now I have ficlet where John Sheppard's in Afghanistan, and he and the other men lose control with a prisoner. And his brutality haunts him later. He tries to explain it to Rodney, but Rodney doesn't understand.


Sniper
by Icarus


"There was this class ring. I wasn't supposed to wear it on duty." John bent his head, eyes squeezed shut. He ran his forearm over his hair. The sheets shifted. He wouldn't look Rodney in the eye, and Rodney realized John was sweating. "I had to throw it away."

"It got ... blood on it?" Rodney squinted on John, trying to understand.

"No."

Unfortunately, Rodney's overactive imagination was more than capable of filling in the blanks. In living technicolor.

After a long silence, John added, "He probably had internal injuries. We dragged him out of that tree." He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

"He killed your friends."

"Yeah."

"So he deserved it." Friends reassured friends, didn't they?

"Sure." John rubbed at his eyes, still not looking at Rodney. "He shit his pants. It smelled ... God, it smelled so bad."

"What did your commanders say?" Rodney said with careful gentleness, blinking away images of swirlies and school jocks leaving him spluttering on the bathroom floor. This wasn't the same.

John stared at his hands. He had large hands for someone so thin. "We called it a kill. And I took all kinds of heat for not capturing him alive." John snorted a mirthless laugh. "The guys voted me to break the news: best poker face."

John slid his dog-tags over his head and laid them with a hissing click next to Rodney's bed. He never took those off. Then he lay back on the bed with a sigh, covers pushed to his waist, his hand on his chest as he stared at the ceiling.

Rodney chewed his lip, still perched on the edge of the bed, one arm wrapped around one knee, pulling it in close to himself. Suddenly aware he was millimeters away from falling off the bed, actually. His hands were balled tight. He loosened them. He'd left fingernail marks in his palm.

Rodney edged back under the covers next to John, leaving a careful six inches between them.

"So... nightmares," Rodney said.

"I swore I'd never lose my shit like that again," John said.

Rodney turned toward him with a sharp look in the half light. "Have you?"

"It's never come up," John said with a perfect poker face. And fell silent.

Comments

[lavvyan.livejournal.com]

I keep forgetting how utterly you can break my heart with just a few sentences.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Uh-oh. Is there a way I can blame Auburn again? :D

[lavvyan.livejournal.com]

Hah. She has that same talent. I nearly always ask if her latest story is going to break me. She's always kind enough to tell me, too. :)

But seriously, I think this one is going to stay with me for the next few days at least. Not in a bad way, just, sometimes things make you think about stuff you don't necessarily want to be thinking about, you know? And I feel so bad for both of them here, but mostly Rodney, who is so carefully leaving space between them. It's just heart-breaking.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Underneath Rodney's bluster and insensitivity to others is a gentle soul who's never (physically) hurt a fly and doesn't understand why anyone would. This might change after a few years in Pegasus, of course.

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

Oy, another John Sheppard more damaged - and damaging! than we're used to. I like.

[incidental-fire.livejournal.com]

::whistles:: Yeah, I can see John doing something like that, and not knowing how to cope with it afterwards. Nicely done.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Snipers are hated by soldiers. It's like being hunted. One man, well-hidden, can take out your entire team. And you watch them drop, one by one, helpless to do anything about it.

Snipers are trained to shoot to wound if they see only one guy.

As the wounded soldier writhes about in agony, the rest of the team will come running. The sniper will take out anyone who comes near. So you watch your men drop, one by one, and you watch your friend suffer, unable to help him, until he bleeds out.

When soldiers locate a sniper who's been hiding safe and sound as he created all this suffering, they are not gentle.

sniper

[laceymcbain.livejournal.com]

Oh, John - so damaged - and not much Rodney can do about it. *smooshes them both*

And hey, inspiration strikes us in the most unlikely of places sometimes, but I think Auburn's comments are very astute.

Re: sniper

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Oh, actually, those are my comments. I was replying to something she said though.

And yes, John came to Rodney pre-broken.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

Re: sniper

[laceymcbain.livejournal.com]

Well, I stand corrected ... and the comments are still very astute! ♥

Re: sniper

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Oh, no, I was the one who wasn't clear in the post. I should fix it, but I suppose it doesn't matter who said it. :)

[amalthia]

I liked this.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Tormenting John is such fun. I guess I'll have to just torment Merlin shortly. :)

[amalthia]

hehe, can't wait!

[khyrra.livejournal.com]

Ooo. Disturbing, but very believable.