Quantifying a life.
Nov. 22nd, 2009 04:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icarusGood news on the work front: My tutoring job is going to give me 16 hours a week as of Dec. 1, which is great. It's an improvement.
The pay rate is good, and it gives me the required experience I need for teaching. (90 hours is the magic number. I'll have it by the end of December. Then I need a year of school for the teaching certificate.)
Unfortunately, it's not quite enough to live off of.
I don't have a car in car-dependent Maryland, so I'm having to ask "mommy" for rides to work, to interviews. I have all the time in the world to write -- yet can't find the space because I have to write around other people's schedules.
It's been four months and I'm getting the feeling she's burned out. As am I.
I want my life back.
Quantifying a life.
When I drove across country to Seattle in 1996, I had a car. I had a full kitchen's worth of dishes and pots and pans, I had a kitchen table and lamps and folding chairs, I had artwork, I had pillows and sheets and towels and blankets, my books, my clothes, an IKEA shelving unit, a little end table, a wicker basket I used as a coffee table crammed with my art supplies.
Within a year (during a booming economy) I had a job, a nice apartment.
I bought more shelves, books, lamps, a laptop, a computer, an external drive, a couch, a couch table, more artwork, a silk ficus, plants, refinished some chairs, bought a DVD player, CD player ... plus all those little things of life you don't think of until you reach for them and they're not there, like, you know, a broom.
WG as a bachelor owned a great stereo system and a futon, plus his outdoor gear, and a lot of photos. He bought the flatscreen TV.
WG drove my car for six years. When my car broke down, WG bought his, which we both drove. Later he bought a bed, replaced the couch, bought a dresser, and a corner cabinet.
We got a cat, Monte.
I did a lot of writing. Earned two degrees.
At various points WG bought me outdoor gear, jewelry, clothes, a cordless drill, and screwdriver set.
I bought him a cedar chest, a custom down comforter, a remote control car, clothes, and an iPod.
The stuff we did for each other can't be quantified. He was there when I was angry and upset. I was there for him with his family problems. I encouraged him in what he wanted to do with his life, from his backpacking to being gay. He encouraged me in my writing and school. He did most of the cleaning and shopping. I provided the financial stability up until I went to school. We got the apartment based on my job, bought everything with my credit card.
But for what can be quantified... I look around.
I don't have a car anymore. Dave has most of my kitchen stuff. He has all my lamps, my kitchen table, folding chairs, my artwork (with two exceptions), my pillows and sheets and towels and blankets. He has my wicker basket and art supplies, if he hasn't tossed them. I don't have an apartment. The job I have is only part-time. Dave has my laptop (now rather battered), my computer, my external drive, the bookshelves, the couch table, the silk ficus, plants, the chairs I refinished, the DVD player, the CD player ... plus all those little things of life (like the broom).
He has my writing, except for what I uploaded to archives. (None of my original work, and none of my school papers that I need for grad school applications.)
He has Monte.
All I've got my books and clothes, jewelry, the outdoor gear he bought me (with the exception of the backpack and he kept my cordless drill) ... and my degrees. I used to live in a city where I could get around on public transport. Now I don't, and I can't.
Aside from the degrees, how did I end up with less than when I started?
The pay rate is good, and it gives me the required experience I need for teaching. (90 hours is the magic number. I'll have it by the end of December. Then I need a year of school for the teaching certificate.)
Unfortunately, it's not quite enough to live off of.
I don't have a car in car-dependent Maryland, so I'm having to ask "mommy" for rides to work, to interviews. I have all the time in the world to write -- yet can't find the space because I have to write around other people's schedules.
It's been four months and I'm getting the feeling she's burned out. As am I.
I want my life back.
Quantifying a life.
When I drove across country to Seattle in 1996, I had a car. I had a full kitchen's worth of dishes and pots and pans, I had a kitchen table and lamps and folding chairs, I had artwork, I had pillows and sheets and towels and blankets, my books, my clothes, an IKEA shelving unit, a little end table, a wicker basket I used as a coffee table crammed with my art supplies.
Within a year (during a booming economy) I had a job, a nice apartment.
I bought more shelves, books, lamps, a laptop, a computer, an external drive, a couch, a couch table, more artwork, a silk ficus, plants, refinished some chairs, bought a DVD player, CD player ... plus all those little things of life you don't think of until you reach for them and they're not there, like, you know, a broom.
WG as a bachelor owned a great stereo system and a futon, plus his outdoor gear, and a lot of photos. He bought the flatscreen TV.
WG drove my car for six years. When my car broke down, WG bought his, which we both drove. Later he bought a bed, replaced the couch, bought a dresser, and a corner cabinet.
We got a cat, Monte.
I did a lot of writing. Earned two degrees.
At various points WG bought me outdoor gear, jewelry, clothes, a cordless drill, and screwdriver set.
I bought him a cedar chest, a custom down comforter, a remote control car, clothes, and an iPod.
The stuff we did for each other can't be quantified. He was there when I was angry and upset. I was there for him with his family problems. I encouraged him in what he wanted to do with his life, from his backpacking to being gay. He encouraged me in my writing and school. He did most of the cleaning and shopping. I provided the financial stability up until I went to school. We got the apartment based on my job, bought everything with my credit card.
But for what can be quantified... I look around.
I don't have a car anymore. Dave has most of my kitchen stuff. He has all my lamps, my kitchen table, folding chairs, my artwork (with two exceptions), my pillows and sheets and towels and blankets. He has my wicker basket and art supplies, if he hasn't tossed them. I don't have an apartment. The job I have is only part-time. Dave has my laptop (now rather battered), my computer, my external drive, the bookshelves, the couch table, the silk ficus, plants, the chairs I refinished, the DVD player, the CD player ... plus all those little things of life (like the broom).
He has my writing, except for what I uploaded to archives. (None of my original work, and none of my school papers that I need for grad school applications.)
He has Monte.
All I've got my books and clothes, jewelry, the outdoor gear he bought me (with the exception of the backpack and he kept my cordless drill) ... and my degrees. I used to live in a city where I could get around on public transport. Now I don't, and I can't.
Aside from the degrees, how did I end up with less than when I started?
no subject
Date: 2009-11-22 10:43 pm (UTC)*sigh*
You will get the life you wanted. I'm keeping the faith.
It's just hard, this part.
I'm rooting for you.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 01:37 am (UTC)I talked it over with Cordelia_V. She felt I should get this in motion ASAP and lit a fire under my tail.
This has been driving me crazy. He last returned my emails/voicemails at the beginning of September. The last box he sent arrived out of the blue October 20th.
A friend has agreed to store any hypothetical furniture he might send. (Says she's making "hypothetical room." :D ) I've emailed him with the address and will send the follow-up letter tomorrow.
He doesn't get to keep what's not his.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 01:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 01:59 am (UTC)that.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 02:00 am (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 02:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 09:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 09:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 09:45 pm (UTC)I'm thinking: small claims court.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 10:07 pm (UTC)Living well is the best revenge....:).
no subject
Date: 2009-11-23 10:08 pm (UTC)I'm rooting for you.