![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icarusAbout that thing with the cute guy and his mother the nun grilling me....
Well, let's back up a bit.
J.'s a nice guy. I noticed he'd gotten rid of the beard (it had looked good on him, but I hate beards). He said he'd lost some weight. I said I'd never noticed the weight, which made him blush. Honestly, he's an attractive guy all around.
I asked him to help me with a painting project, he said sure thing, and let me know his schedule was wiiiiiide open.
It had been a tough week: his girlfriend had been cheating on him with her ex, she was pregnant and it wasn't clear if the baby was his (I'm wondering about those birth control recalls, because that's two women I know who -- ooops! -- got pregnant this year).
On top of it, he'd just lost his job, was forced to sublet his apartment, and so had temporarily moved in with his mom (who's a nun). He was feeling pretty low. "I'm thirty-three years old and living with my mom. I feel like a total loser."
I explained my own situation with WG in 2009, that I'd found myself in a similar situation. At age 42. These are tough times.
Cue the "no way you're over forty, you look younger than me" conversation, which is waaaay more fun than the previous version "no way you're twenty-five, you don't look old enough to work here."
That out of the way, we talked for a while about cheating boyfriends/girlfriends, the economy, what it's like being a kid at the temple and then coming back as an adult, his rough times down in Florida, his brother, my own surprise of first seeing him in 2009, quote, "Who's that solid-looking guy -- oh, wow, that's J.? I remember him from when he was eight years old." That was the edited version. I didn't say that I had really thought, Wow, not my usual type, but definitely good-looking--oh my god, that's J.?? I feel rather naughty now, hee.
We decided to start the painting project the following week. Well, the supplies I'd ordered didn't arrive in time, so it got postponed a few more days.
Then I bumped into his mom, the nun, outside the grocery store. I apologized for getting ticked off at her about her pressuring me to change the time of my Tibetan class (we had a difference of opinion about the value of Tibetan for new people). She said it was nothing. That settled, I asked the natural, "Oh, hey, how's J. doing?"
Big. Mistake. I wish I'd asked about the weather.
She tells me that things are looking up, he really enjoyed working with me on the project (it hadn't started yet) but he'd found a new job right away.
"Oh, that's great," I said, really happy to hear it, with a snap of my fingers that I'd moved too slow.
Then she tells me, "And J. said, '[Icarus] is soooo pretty!' She looks younger than me." Ah, someone else was doing a little editing I see. That much was fun.
But then it spiraled into weird.
It started fine, just normal family gossip.
J. has had a tough time with his girlfriend. Yes, yes, he'd mentioned it, I said. Nun-mom had been telling him that he couldn't trust the girlfriend, but he's finally admitted that it's not going to work. He went by girlfriend's ex-boyfriend's house at 3 a.m. that past weekend and found her car parked outside. His mom said, "We can all guess what she was doing there at that hour."
I joked, "She was making breakfast for him and decided to show up early?" (Privately I was surprised he'd driven up there to see. He had sounded like they were pretty much over, but I guess not.)
He'd asked for advice from the head of our temple, Jetsunma, who said: "Get the paternity test." Whoa. Good for her!
Mom then went into how J. had had a rough time with women, that he'd bought a house with his girlfriend in Florida and she'd thrown him out. That he's a sensitive sweet person who goes all-in on relationships and keeps getting hurt.
"Well, some people pick relationships the same way you rescue a stray, yes," I said, explaining I had done it myself.
She pounced. Started grilling me about my attitudes about marriage.
Wh-wha-what? I honestly had no idea what to tell her. I can barely remember what I said, I started backpedaling so fast. J. and I, we'd just had one conversation. We weren't even dating. He hadn't even asked me out. It wasn't even a possibility as far as I knew, I was just a friend offering support.
As a rule, my policy about dating people at the temple is Don't Do It. Don't shit where you eat. I dated a guy from a different temple once before, and when I broke up with him, I also broke up with the temple. (He also did a scorched earth thing at another temple I'd gone to, WG's opinion of that guy was "He's an asshole" so, no, nevernevernevernever date someone from your temple.) Not to mention the fact that I call marriage the "M word" and consider it a cage. Having my fiance leave me hasn't done much to change my mind about that.
At the end of the conversation as I stared at her, wide-eyed, she was all satisfied, "Oh good, just friends then."
O_____________O
Aside from her being an overprotective mom, she's a nun, and monks and nuns tend to view divvy the world up into three categories: ordained, baby-makers necessary to produce more Buddhists, and those who should be ordained. So of course she thought of nothing but marriage when J. expressed an interest. And I feel bad for J. because that means he's being shoved into those categories, too, and that's not how the world is. Not even Jetsunma goes along with those categories. Not even 300 years ago in her previous incarnation in Tibet did she follow those categories: Ahkon Lhamo was a lay renunciate, lived in a cave, but never became a nun nor did she become a baby-maker.
So that should be as weird as it will get, right?
Nope. To ice the cake-of-weird, J.'s ex-girlfriend friended me on Facebook the following week. She and I had met, I think, once. J. introduced her, "Hi, this is my gf." I said hi, nice to meet you. And that's it. She's friended seventeen people at the temple, mostly monks and nuns, and she friends me why?
WTF is going on in J.'s world?
Well, let's back up a bit.
J.'s a nice guy. I noticed he'd gotten rid of the beard (it had looked good on him, but I hate beards). He said he'd lost some weight. I said I'd never noticed the weight, which made him blush. Honestly, he's an attractive guy all around.
I asked him to help me with a painting project, he said sure thing, and let me know his schedule was wiiiiiide open.
It had been a tough week: his girlfriend had been cheating on him with her ex, she was pregnant and it wasn't clear if the baby was his (I'm wondering about those birth control recalls, because that's two women I know who -- ooops! -- got pregnant this year).
On top of it, he'd just lost his job, was forced to sublet his apartment, and so had temporarily moved in with his mom (who's a nun). He was feeling pretty low. "I'm thirty-three years old and living with my mom. I feel like a total loser."
I explained my own situation with WG in 2009, that I'd found myself in a similar situation. At age 42. These are tough times.
Cue the "no way you're over forty, you look younger than me" conversation, which is waaaay more fun than the previous version "no way you're twenty-five, you don't look old enough to work here."
That out of the way, we talked for a while about cheating boyfriends/girlfriends, the economy, what it's like being a kid at the temple and then coming back as an adult, his rough times down in Florida, his brother, my own surprise of first seeing him in 2009, quote, "Who's that solid-looking guy -- oh, wow, that's J.? I remember him from when he was eight years old." That was the edited version. I didn't say that I had really thought, Wow, not my usual type, but definitely good-looking--oh my god, that's J.?? I feel rather naughty now, hee.
We decided to start the painting project the following week. Well, the supplies I'd ordered didn't arrive in time, so it got postponed a few more days.
Then I bumped into his mom, the nun, outside the grocery store. I apologized for getting ticked off at her about her pressuring me to change the time of my Tibetan class (we had a difference of opinion about the value of Tibetan for new people). She said it was nothing. That settled, I asked the natural, "Oh, hey, how's J. doing?"
Big. Mistake. I wish I'd asked about the weather.
She tells me that things are looking up, he really enjoyed working with me on the project (it hadn't started yet) but he'd found a new job right away.
"Oh, that's great," I said, really happy to hear it, with a snap of my fingers that I'd moved too slow.
Then she tells me, "And J. said, '[Icarus] is soooo pretty!' She looks younger than me." Ah, someone else was doing a little editing I see. That much was fun.
But then it spiraled into weird.
It started fine, just normal family gossip.
J. has had a tough time with his girlfriend. Yes, yes, he'd mentioned it, I said. Nun-mom had been telling him that he couldn't trust the girlfriend, but he's finally admitted that it's not going to work. He went by girlfriend's ex-boyfriend's house at 3 a.m. that past weekend and found her car parked outside. His mom said, "We can all guess what she was doing there at that hour."
I joked, "She was making breakfast for him and decided to show up early?" (Privately I was surprised he'd driven up there to see. He had sounded like they were pretty much over, but I guess not.)
He'd asked for advice from the head of our temple, Jetsunma, who said: "Get the paternity test." Whoa. Good for her!
Mom then went into how J. had had a rough time with women, that he'd bought a house with his girlfriend in Florida and she'd thrown him out. That he's a sensitive sweet person who goes all-in on relationships and keeps getting hurt.
"Well, some people pick relationships the same way you rescue a stray, yes," I said, explaining I had done it myself.
She pounced. Started grilling me about my attitudes about marriage.
Wh-wha-what? I honestly had no idea what to tell her. I can barely remember what I said, I started backpedaling so fast. J. and I, we'd just had one conversation. We weren't even dating. He hadn't even asked me out. It wasn't even a possibility as far as I knew, I was just a friend offering support.
As a rule, my policy about dating people at the temple is Don't Do It. Don't shit where you eat. I dated a guy from a different temple once before, and when I broke up with him, I also broke up with the temple. (He also did a scorched earth thing at another temple I'd gone to, WG's opinion of that guy was "He's an asshole" so, no, nevernevernevernever date someone from your temple.) Not to mention the fact that I call marriage the "M word" and consider it a cage. Having my fiance leave me hasn't done much to change my mind about that.
At the end of the conversation as I stared at her, wide-eyed, she was all satisfied, "Oh good, just friends then."
O_____________O
Aside from her being an overprotective mom, she's a nun, and monks and nuns tend to view divvy the world up into three categories: ordained, baby-makers necessary to produce more Buddhists, and those who should be ordained. So of course she thought of nothing but marriage when J. expressed an interest. And I feel bad for J. because that means he's being shoved into those categories, too, and that's not how the world is. Not even Jetsunma goes along with those categories. Not even 300 years ago in her previous incarnation in Tibet did she follow those categories: Ahkon Lhamo was a lay renunciate, lived in a cave, but never became a nun nor did she become a baby-maker.
So that should be as weird as it will get, right?
Nope. To ice the cake-of-weird, J.'s ex-girlfriend friended me on Facebook the following week. She and I had met, I think, once. J. introduced her, "Hi, this is my gf." I said hi, nice to meet you. And that's it. She's friended seventeen people at the temple, mostly monks and nuns, and she friends me why?
WTF is going on in J.'s world?
no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 01:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 01:27 am (UTC)My gut tells me the baby's his, because his luck's just that bad.
no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 01:37 am (UTC)Hiking. It clears the mind.
no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 03:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-04 04:01 am (UTC)