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icarusFeel Your Way
by Icarus
John lay with his head on his folded arms, back to the door. The engines of the Daedalus thrummed.
Cup of coffee in hand -- Teyla regretted ever trying the Terran drink, she now had to have it every day -- she settled in the seat across from him and waited. John's shoulders simply rose and fell for long moments though she could tell he wasn't asleep.
Finally, he sat up with a sigh, rolled his shoulders and then rested his chin on his fists.
"I go into battle, I know what I'm doing, I know who the enemy is," he started. "This... leaving. Abandoning Atlantis to the Ancients. I'm pulled in a hundred different directions. I don't know which voice in my head to believe."
"You hear voices?"
He snorted. "You know what I mean. I've never been a blind follower."
That was an understatement. She contented herself with a small smile in response.
"It feels wrong," John said. "Leaving Atlantis feels wrong. What will these Ancients do to help the Pegasus Galaxy? We have a job to do and we're abandoning our posts." He rubbed his face. "But it's their place, you know. It's the right, good, ethical thing to do to give Atlantis back, and I don't regret that, not for one second. They should have their home. I just...." He gazed off towards the star portal. It was not a real window she'd learned, but a projection screen of what lay just beyond.
Teyla raised her eyebrows as the silence stretched for longer than she'd anticipated.
"I'm pulled in too many different directions right now," he admitted. "I don't know what to do next."
"Do you not have orders?" Teyla asked.
"Yeah, orders. There's another contradictory, total mess. I'm gonna be reassigned, they're putting me on a gate team--truth is, the IOA doesn't know what to do with me. Lt. Colonel's too high up to just stick back in the rank and file where they want me, but I'm too ... okay, mm, unpredictable, I'll admit it... to give me any real authority."
John looked her straight in the eyes. "They're gonna waste me, Teyla. They're gonna waste my time."
"Is there no one you can speak to?" She frowned.
"Eh. O'Neill's busy, he's gotta deal with the handover to the Ancients--a job I don't envy, by the way. I don't wanna bother him with this. What's one soldier's career?"
"Perhaps you mean more to him than just any soldier?"
John didn't say anything.
"Sometimes one must ask for help."
by Icarus
John lay with his head on his folded arms, back to the door. The engines of the Daedalus thrummed.
Cup of coffee in hand -- Teyla regretted ever trying the Terran drink, she now had to have it every day -- she settled in the seat across from him and waited. John's shoulders simply rose and fell for long moments though she could tell he wasn't asleep.
Finally, he sat up with a sigh, rolled his shoulders and then rested his chin on his fists.
"I go into battle, I know what I'm doing, I know who the enemy is," he started. "This... leaving. Abandoning Atlantis to the Ancients. I'm pulled in a hundred different directions. I don't know which voice in my head to believe."
"You hear voices?"
He snorted. "You know what I mean. I've never been a blind follower."
That was an understatement. She contented herself with a small smile in response.
"It feels wrong," John said. "Leaving Atlantis feels wrong. What will these Ancients do to help the Pegasus Galaxy? We have a job to do and we're abandoning our posts." He rubbed his face. "But it's their place, you know. It's the right, good, ethical thing to do to give Atlantis back, and I don't regret that, not for one second. They should have their home. I just...." He gazed off towards the star portal. It was not a real window she'd learned, but a projection screen of what lay just beyond.
Teyla raised her eyebrows as the silence stretched for longer than she'd anticipated.
"I'm pulled in too many different directions right now," he admitted. "I don't know what to do next."
"Do you not have orders?" Teyla asked.
"Yeah, orders. There's another contradictory, total mess. I'm gonna be reassigned, they're putting me on a gate team--truth is, the IOA doesn't know what to do with me. Lt. Colonel's too high up to just stick back in the rank and file where they want me, but I'm too ... okay, mm, unpredictable, I'll admit it... to give me any real authority."
John looked her straight in the eyes. "They're gonna waste me, Teyla. They're gonna waste my time."
"Is there no one you can speak to?" She frowned.
"Eh. O'Neill's busy, he's gotta deal with the handover to the Ancients--a job I don't envy, by the way. I don't wanna bother him with this. What's one soldier's career?"
"Perhaps you mean more to him than just any soldier?"
John didn't say anything.
"Sometimes one must ask for help."
