Chapter Five of Reunion
Feb. 4th, 2004 09:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icarusYes, I know, the last chapter I posted was chapter three and we've skipped ahead. But I couldn't resist. I've just done horrible things to Ron in this chapter, I really have. One of my complaints about Mpreg is that it is always so easy and clean and never humiliating, messy and difficult to accomplish.
Add to that difficulty of dealing with one Severus Snape, who never seems to volunteer information.
Heh-heh. I really shouldn't be so amused by this. If this doesn't kill the romance, you know it's love.
ETA: Whoops. Sorry. Here are links to the first three parts.
Reunion (chapter 1 & 2).
Reunion, yesterday's unbeta'd chapter three. Chapter four as I said is still in the works. Hee.
Happy Valentine's Day
by Icarus
January 29th
Dear Severus,
We've using your potion religiously for well over a week now, and have checked with the Maternity charm daily -- so far with no result. Now I realise you said that this might take some time, but I slept with my wife just the once and well, it worked.
Could there be something wrong? Should we try a Fertility rite in conjunction with the potion?
Gratefully yours,
Draco Malfoy
~*~*~
January 30th
Dear Draco,
Even with a woman you must wait for the proper timing in her cycle. No doubt your wife made certain of that for you.
Your Mr Weasley is just beginning this process. The ovum must be produced, then travel down the fallopian tubes, etc., etc. The entire cycle takes approximately one month. Despite your lack of interest in the opposite sex, I trust that Weasley at least is not completely ignorant of female anatomy. If he is, he must remedy that ignorance and continue taking the Amanuensis potion daily.
Please refrain from any additional 'experiments' that could disrupt my potion. What you are attempting is experimental as it is.
Severus Snape
~*~*~
February 9th
Dear Severus,
I apologise for bothering you with something this ridiculous, but I hope you can resolve a dispute. It's been two and a half weeks and this has grown tiresome.
Is there a requirement of any particular position? Or is there a special position that is considered 'best' for conception? I say no, but Ron absolutely insists he is correct.
Rather embarrassed,
Draco Malfoy
~*~*~
February 10th
Dear Draco,
I would prefer not to be privy to the intimate details of your sexual encounters with Weasley, thank you very much. (Though it doesn't take a great leap of imagination to guess the position to which you refer.)
There is no doubt in my mind that position is irrelevant so long as the proper orifice is utilized. Perhaps Mr Weasley should refer to wizarding texts on sex education that are more reliable than bathroom walls and his Quidditch chums?
Severus Snape
~*~*~
February 15th
Dear Severus,
I don't know what to do.
Ron won't let me touch him. He didn't go to work today, and he won't come out of the bathroom… and he refuses to allow the Maternity charm. He says he is certain there is no point to it. Frankly, he seems very upset.
Could there be some side effects to the Amanuensis potion? Or perhaps could this be an indication of sorts? I wasn't around for this part with my wife, but I've heard that women become overly emotional and sensitive when well -- you know.
Worried and very confused,
Draco Malfoy
~*~*~
February 16th
Dear Draco,
Loath as I am to agree with Mr Weasley, as it has been twenty-six days since he first took the potion, I believe he is correct. No doubt the women in his family have relatively short cycles as well.
This is a very healthy and positive sign that my potion is working perfectly, and it may determine whether Amanuensis is gradual or immediate in its effects.
I would like more specific information about his flow: is he spotting like a teenager, or has he begun full adult menstruation immediately?
I would also like to compare his with a female relative's, either his mother or a sister would do. I've enclosed a vial and sealing spell for him to send a sample so that I may run a few tests.
Severus Snape
~*~*~
February 17th
Dear Severus,
Okay. It seems you were right. That's… surprising.
I've no idea why he wouldn't tell me.
Ron was, er, uncooperative with regards to your research (to put it mildly), but as far as flow I would describe it as… copious. Severus, he's called in sick, he refuses to buy any sort of female product they use for this sort of thing and I've never dealt with anything like this -- it's barbaric!
Help!
Draco
~*~*~
February 17th
Dear Draco,
Please inform Mr Weasley that I am running tests to be sure there are no abnormalities caused by the potion. As for the other (disgusting) matter, I have enlisted Madam Pomfrey's aid. There may be some psychological issues raised that we hadn't initially considered.
Severus Snape
~*~*~
February 18th
Mr Malfoy: Regarding your most recent letter.
There was no need for you to send a Howler; I've no doubt your gutter language is due to the present company you keep. As for your 'concerns' about my involving Madam Pomfrey, doctor-patient confidentiality does apply; though should you succeed, I assure you confidentiality is an utter impossibility and in fact defeats your purpose.
Thank you, however, for the sample. (At long last.) I suspected fear would override Mr Weasley's indignation. Rest assured there is virtually no danger of adverse effects, but as I'll need this monthly I suggest that you not tell him. If you wish to continue to receive the Amanuensis potion, you will continue to assist me in my research.
Don't ever send me a Howler again. You have stretched the limits of our friendship, Draco.
Madam Pomfrey believes she has a solution to Mr Weasley's 'potty training' difficulty - a redesign that accommodates male genitalia and manages to be at once unnecessary, overly expensive, and absurd. She has also made it a soothing 'dark blue' colour. You are to inform him that it is:
a) made from the same material used for the more difficult Quidditch injuries; and that
b) a man would likely experience a greater blood loss than a woman. I agree with her assessment although I don't see how it's relevant.
She insists that he be told these two points however. She has asked me to inform you privately that should he run out, you might use a chromium charm to change the 'female' products to this lovely shade of blue.
Severus Snape
~*~*~
February 18th
Dear Severus,
Thank you. Merlin, I apologize for that Howler. I should have known that you of all people would consider the importance of confidentiality. I don't intend to inform anyone until our experiment is a success. The Malfoys do have enemies.
Ron's response, while not overjoyed, was at least positive (thank god).
I quote, "These are for blokes, eh?"
He was greatly cheered by the fact that men have 'superior blood loss,' and there's been no more discussion of discontinuing the potion, either quietly or at full Weasley volume.
He somehow has the notion that only the Quidditch gauze is able to withstand this punishment, and so we are not going to run out if I have to order a ten-year supply. But he'd better be pregnant by next month because I don't think I can go through another week like this one.
I'm off to buy new sheets, a new mattress, new bath mats, and -- since I can't stand looking at them any more -- new curtains. All plans to convince Ron to move to the Manor are on hold until we're past this stage, for obvious reasons. I'd rather replace a ten-Sickle rug than a Louis XIV divan.
Sweet fucking Merlin, Severus. I wish you'd told us.
Yours truly,
Draco
~*~*~
February 19th
Dear Draco,
I did inform both of you in my first letter. I said it was a monthly cycle did I not?
I am surrounded by children who can't make simple leaps of logic, but I expect more of adults.
I would commiserate, but for next time I recommend that you choose someone further up the evolutionary ladder. I trust that when I refer to him as your 'bloody boyfriend' henceforth, you will know what I mean?
Amused,
Severus
~*~*~
February 20th
Severus, you are horrible.
Draco
~*~*~
February 21st
I do try.
Your friend (despite the Howler),
Severus
~*~*~
February 22nd
I haven't stopped laughing since I received your owl. You realise of course that I'd have to hex you if you ever said it to Ron's face. Pregnancies and the Malfoy fortune aside, I do want to have sex again.
I don't know what I'd do without your help. Ron and I have decided that we are completely mad to even attempt this.
Draco
P.S. We are running low on the Amanuensis potion. Could you please send (oh dear god) another month's supply?
Finis.
Add to that difficulty of dealing with one Severus Snape, who never seems to volunteer information.
Heh-heh. I really shouldn't be so amused by this. If this doesn't kill the romance, you know it's love.
ETA: Whoops. Sorry. Here are links to the first three parts.
Reunion (chapter 1 & 2).
Reunion, yesterday's unbeta'd chapter three. Chapter four as I said is still in the works. Hee.
Happy Valentine's Day
by Icarus
January 29th
Dear Severus,
We've using your potion religiously for well over a week now, and have checked with the Maternity charm daily -- so far with no result. Now I realise you said that this might take some time, but I slept with my wife just the once and well, it worked.
Could there be something wrong? Should we try a Fertility rite in conjunction with the potion?
Gratefully yours,
Draco Malfoy
~*~*~
January 30th
Dear Draco,
Even with a woman you must wait for the proper timing in her cycle. No doubt your wife made certain of that for you.
Your Mr Weasley is just beginning this process. The ovum must be produced, then travel down the fallopian tubes, etc., etc. The entire cycle takes approximately one month. Despite your lack of interest in the opposite sex, I trust that Weasley at least is not completely ignorant of female anatomy. If he is, he must remedy that ignorance and continue taking the Amanuensis potion daily.
Please refrain from any additional 'experiments' that could disrupt my potion. What you are attempting is experimental as it is.
Severus Snape
~*~*~
February 9th
Dear Severus,
I apologise for bothering you with something this ridiculous, but I hope you can resolve a dispute. It's been two and a half weeks and this has grown tiresome.
Is there a requirement of any particular position? Or is there a special position that is considered 'best' for conception? I say no, but Ron absolutely insists he is correct.
Rather embarrassed,
Draco Malfoy
~*~*~
February 10th
Dear Draco,
I would prefer not to be privy to the intimate details of your sexual encounters with Weasley, thank you very much. (Though it doesn't take a great leap of imagination to guess the position to which you refer.)
There is no doubt in my mind that position is irrelevant so long as the proper orifice is utilized. Perhaps Mr Weasley should refer to wizarding texts on sex education that are more reliable than bathroom walls and his Quidditch chums?
Severus Snape
~*~*~
February 15th
Dear Severus,
I don't know what to do.
Ron won't let me touch him. He didn't go to work today, and he won't come out of the bathroom… and he refuses to allow the Maternity charm. He says he is certain there is no point to it. Frankly, he seems very upset.
Could there be some side effects to the Amanuensis potion? Or perhaps could this be an indication of sorts? I wasn't around for this part with my wife, but I've heard that women become overly emotional and sensitive when well -- you know.
Worried and very confused,
Draco Malfoy
~*~*~
February 16th
Dear Draco,
Loath as I am to agree with Mr Weasley, as it has been twenty-six days since he first took the potion, I believe he is correct. No doubt the women in his family have relatively short cycles as well.
This is a very healthy and positive sign that my potion is working perfectly, and it may determine whether Amanuensis is gradual or immediate in its effects.
I would like more specific information about his flow: is he spotting like a teenager, or has he begun full adult menstruation immediately?
I would also like to compare his with a female relative's, either his mother or a sister would do. I've enclosed a vial and sealing spell for him to send a sample so that I may run a few tests.
Severus Snape
~*~*~
February 17th
Dear Severus,
Okay. It seems you were right. That's… surprising.
I've no idea why he wouldn't tell me.
Ron was, er, uncooperative with regards to your research (to put it mildly), but as far as flow I would describe it as… copious. Severus, he's called in sick, he refuses to buy any sort of female product they use for this sort of thing and I've never dealt with anything like this -- it's barbaric!
Help!
Draco
~*~*~
February 17th
Dear Draco,
Please inform Mr Weasley that I am running tests to be sure there are no abnormalities caused by the potion. As for the other (disgusting) matter, I have enlisted Madam Pomfrey's aid. There may be some psychological issues raised that we hadn't initially considered.
Severus Snape
~*~*~
February 18th
Mr Malfoy: Regarding your most recent letter.
There was no need for you to send a Howler; I've no doubt your gutter language is due to the present company you keep. As for your 'concerns' about my involving Madam Pomfrey, doctor-patient confidentiality does apply; though should you succeed, I assure you confidentiality is an utter impossibility and in fact defeats your purpose.
Thank you, however, for the sample. (At long last.) I suspected fear would override Mr Weasley's indignation. Rest assured there is virtually no danger of adverse effects, but as I'll need this monthly I suggest that you not tell him. If you wish to continue to receive the Amanuensis potion, you will continue to assist me in my research.
Don't ever send me a Howler again. You have stretched the limits of our friendship, Draco.
Madam Pomfrey believes she has a solution to Mr Weasley's 'potty training' difficulty - a redesign that accommodates male genitalia and manages to be at once unnecessary, overly expensive, and absurd. She has also made it a soothing 'dark blue' colour. You are to inform him that it is:
a) made from the same material used for the more difficult Quidditch injuries; and that
b) a man would likely experience a greater blood loss than a woman. I agree with her assessment although I don't see how it's relevant.
She insists that he be told these two points however. She has asked me to inform you privately that should he run out, you might use a chromium charm to change the 'female' products to this lovely shade of blue.
Severus Snape
~*~*~
February 18th
Dear Severus,
Thank you. Merlin, I apologize for that Howler. I should have known that you of all people would consider the importance of confidentiality. I don't intend to inform anyone until our experiment is a success. The Malfoys do have enemies.
Ron's response, while not overjoyed, was at least positive (thank god).
I quote, "These are for blokes, eh?"
He was greatly cheered by the fact that men have 'superior blood loss,' and there's been no more discussion of discontinuing the potion, either quietly or at full Weasley volume.
He somehow has the notion that only the Quidditch gauze is able to withstand this punishment, and so we are not going to run out if I have to order a ten-year supply. But he'd better be pregnant by next month because I don't think I can go through another week like this one.
I'm off to buy new sheets, a new mattress, new bath mats, and -- since I can't stand looking at them any more -- new curtains. All plans to convince Ron to move to the Manor are on hold until we're past this stage, for obvious reasons. I'd rather replace a ten-Sickle rug than a Louis XIV divan.
Sweet fucking Merlin, Severus. I wish you'd told us.
Yours truly,
Draco
~*~*~
February 19th
Dear Draco,
I did inform both of you in my first letter. I said it was a monthly cycle did I not?
I am surrounded by children who can't make simple leaps of logic, but I expect more of adults.
I would commiserate, but for next time I recommend that you choose someone further up the evolutionary ladder. I trust that when I refer to him as your 'bloody boyfriend' henceforth, you will know what I mean?
Amused,
Severus
~*~*~
February 20th
Severus, you are horrible.
Draco
~*~*~
February 21st
I do try.
Your friend (despite the Howler),
Severus
~*~*~
February 22nd
I haven't stopped laughing since I received your owl. You realise of course that I'd have to hex you if you ever said it to Ron's face. Pregnancies and the Malfoy fortune aside, I do want to have sex again.
I don't know what I'd do without your help. Ron and I have decided that we are completely mad to even attempt this.
Draco
P.S. We are running low on the Amanuensis potion. Could you please send (oh dear god) another month's supply?
Finis.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-02-04 05:47 pm (UTC)Poor, poor Ron...
Re:
Date: 2004-02-04 05:53 pm (UTC)The joys of one Severus Snape at his most clinical. Compare with a female relative indeed.... No doubt Ron went through the roof. "You want to tell my mum? And ask her for what?!"
Icarus
Re:
Date: 2004-02-04 06:16 pm (UTC)Incidentally, I think that this excerpt would work well as a standalone story -- the context is pretty much given through the letters (Draco is trying to get Ron pregnant by using a potion provided by Snape) -- and it's just damn funny, even without resolution.
no subject
Date: 2004-02-04 05:53 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-04 06:05 pm (UTC)Malfoy Manor has magic from the middle ages that ties its inheritance to the eldest male heir. Apparently evil wizards used to bump off entire families and marry a remaining daughter to take over. Tying the magical inheritance to the male heir was a safeguard. Draco has to produce a male heir of his bloodline, or else see the Manor go to a collateral line.
The Malfoys have never bothered to fix the magics because it's difficult, expensive, dangerous, and far simpler just to produce a male heir and kick back.
Severus Snape calls it laziness, "If it were Snape Manor we would have fixed it long ago."
To which Draco quipped, "If it were Snape Manor no one would care." (Snape Manor is a crumbling ruin.)
Icarus
no subject
Date: 2004-02-04 06:03 pm (UTC)(now, where are the first three parts? how have I missed this before??)
Re:
Date: 2004-02-04 06:09 pm (UTC)The first two parts are here Reunion (http://www.astronomytower.org/authorLinks/Icarus). The most recent one was dropped in my live journal yesterday and has not been published anywhere else yet (http://www.livejournal.com/users/icarusancalion/155019.html#cutid1).
Icarus
Re:
Date: 2004-02-04 06:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-04 06:07 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-04 06:17 pm (UTC)The first two chapters are here Reunion (http://www.astronomytower.org/authorLinks/Icarus).
Chapter three, unbeta'd is here in my LJ (http://www.livejournal.com/users/icarusancalion/155019.html#cutid1). Chapter four is a conversation between Ron and Harry that's still in the works. ;)
Thanks again. I'm glad you liked it.
Icarus
Re:
Date: 2004-02-04 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-04 07:55 pm (UTC)Ron's reactions reminded me of that Gloria Steinem essay "If Men Could Menstruate," what with his pride in the "superior" blood flow and the notion that only special Quidditch gauze can "withstand the punishment." The banter between Draco and Snape is wonderful--I love Draco's worry/confusion/panic vs. Severus's dry responses.
I'm really looking forward to reading more of this!
Re:
Date: 2004-02-05 04:25 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-05 08:19 am (UTC)Nothing makes me happier than the sound of that suppressed splutter over the cubicle wall. I've learned something about writing: you just have to enjoy it.
Ron's reactions reminded me of that Gloria Steinem essay "If Men Could Menstruate."
Now That I've got to read. I like her phrasing, if they could menstruate.
Icarus
Re:
Date: 2004-02-09 05:42 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-09 08:30 am (UTC)Icarus
Gloria Steinem, "If Men Could Menstruate"
Date: 2004-02-18 01:21 pm (UTC)BTW, though I haven't commented on Reunion yet, I am enjoying the story, and just read the latest part. I'm wondering what will happen when Ron's kids meet Draco's daughter...
no subject
Date: 2004-02-04 10:18 pm (UTC)All plans to convince Ron to move to the Manor are on hold until we're past this stage, for obvious reasons. I'd rather replace a ten-Sickle rug than a Louis XIV divan.
*wipes tears from eyes*
Re:
Date: 2004-02-05 08:26 am (UTC)Thanks! You know, I have a theory that Mpreg can be good if you focus on the relationship instead of the pregnancy.
Icarus
no subject
Date: 2004-02-04 11:07 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-05 08:27 am (UTC)Icarus
no subject
Date: 2004-02-04 11:26 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-05 08:30 am (UTC)Right on! Exactly what I'm aiming for. *Icarus goes back to scribbling chapter four.*
Icarus
no subject
Date: 2004-02-05 02:01 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-05 08:31 am (UTC)Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing this. Poor Ron....
Icarus
no subject
Date: 2004-02-07 12:37 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-18 12:37 pm (UTC)Icarus
no subject
Date: 2004-02-09 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-26 06:52 pm (UTC)Severus, you can be an idiot. Really.
I'm off to buy new sheets, a new mattress, new bath mats, and -- since I can't stand looking at them any more -- new curtains. All plans to convince Ron to move to the Manor are on hold until we're past this stage, for obvious reasons. I'd rather replace a ten-Sickle rug than a Louis XIV divan.
Hahahaha! Omg. Just no.
I would commiserate, but for next time I recommend that you choose someone further up the evolutionary ladder. I trust that when I refer to him as your 'bloody boyfriend' henceforth, you will know what I mean?
You are SO wrong, and I bow before that.
Make more now.