icarus | Aug. 22nd, 2004

Buddhist stuff.

Well, I usually explain Buddhist stuff as I post, but... I'm really tired tonight. So, Buddhist stuff with no explanations of what the hell I'm talking about:

I've only 58,000 mandala offerings left to do, and then I will have finished ngundro. At a steady rate, that would take about 7-8 weeks.

Khenpo Tsultrim Gyatso is coming in November giving a whole bunch of teachings that are waaaaaaay over my head (but likely over everyone else's heads as well, except for those who've done three-year retreat). The requirement for his previous teachings has been that you've participated in a particular series of classes, and throughly studied the Progressive Stages of Meditation on Emptiness (I've studied it, but thoroughly? No). But this time his requirement is to have ngundro complete.

Of course, the main requirement for any high level of teaching is a clean relationship with your guru.

The thing is, Ponlop Rinpoche asked me to do Vajrasattva. A daily practice of two hours a day. Which I haven't done when I dumped his dharma center because of problems with the men there (two men fighting over me, another asshole I dated that turned really sour, another acting inappropriately - grop-y hands - and another sending me inappropriate stalker-ish emails). Ponlop Rinpoche will be at those teachings since Khenpo is his main teacher. I've been out of contact with Ponlop Rinpoche for two years.

*sighs*

So now I'm paralyzed which to do. The right thing to do is Vajrasattva. But I've done Vajrasatta. Tons and tons of Vajrasatta. I did Vajrasattva for 5 1/2 months in sealed retreat. *sighs heavier* The best thing to do is both (ha-ha, like I'll do five hours of practice a day while I'm working full time).

I forever get into these stymied situations -- and then I don't do anything.

Yes. I know part of why Lamas tell you to do things you don't want to do is to cut through obstacles to uh, like, listening?

I am not soliciting advice unless you know the definition of term "ngundro" and it's implications for practice, and have done at least 100,000 Vajrasattva yourself.