Okay, she's in surgery.

wildernessguru's mom went into surgery at 9am this morning. *takes deep breath and holds it, yes, for four hours* *turns purple*

He's home today with fuzzhead today. WG's not Buddhist, but there's one mantra he likes, so he's doing that. Even if people aren't spiritual, there's something about having something you can do while you hope.

I'm calm, but WG is quite stressed and frightened, though he's outwardly calm. It hits you at a gut level when it's your parents. All your life, from the time you were tiny, you depend on them. You might not even get along later, but they're the center of your life in many ways. When something happens to them -- you're not ready for it. You can't be ready for it. It hits you at a visceral level that's surprising. In WG's case, he and his mom have always been close, and he has the extra weight of guilt because he's missed the last few Christmas's.

She's going to be all right I think, but that doesn't make this waiting any easier for him.

I do hope I didn't offend anyone with my last Snape-post (and hopefully it's clear that I think 's essay is fascinating and insightful). Because she's brilliant.

It's just rather intense at home at the moment.

P.S. There will probably be a lot of Buddhist stuff in my journal for a while. It's not prostyletizing, just a major part of my life (my whole family's practicing Buddhists). I'm pretty serious about it. I've stood outside the capital building with Richard Gere protesting China's occupation of Tibet; have done more retreats than I can easily count; have been in private teachings with the H. H. the Dalai Lama on several occasions, before people really knew who he was; have studied Vinaya, Abhidharma, Madhyamika, Vajrayana, etc., and some teachers have even wasted Mahamudra teachings on me; have constructed monasteries, donated thousands of dollars, learned some Tibetan... okay, you get the picture. I left my last fandom largely because of the conservative (re: obnoxious) Christian element in the Tolkien crowd.

I believe that most spiritual people (Buddhist and Christian) think they're more spiritual than they are -- that is to say, they believe their path is largely about what other people ought to be doing and spend their time selling their beliefs to others and judging what others do or don't do. Which usually means that regular, kind people who don't do that crap are way ahead. So. I hang out mostly with the non-religious because I like them more. *laughs*

An open letter to Wilderness Guru

An Open Letter to wildernessguru.

Sweet Pea, I love you and I miss you terribly. When you went to call your sister about your mom -- you left. I don't know where you went.

I waited, but you didn't come back. I went outside and the car was gone. I thought the worst, that you'd called your sister and the news was bad about your mom, that something horrible had happened. So I called your sister, oh, I don't know, a lot of times.

I'm sorry I yelled at you to call your family. I know I need to let you do things in your own time and your own way. I was just worried sick, you know? I love her, too. I've worried all day. I've said, "Wilderness Guru is worried but I'm fine" and that's just horseshit.

Your sister just called me back, and your mom is fine. She hadn't spoken with you, so you must have reached her voicemail, too. (I know how you hate voicemail and would not have left a message.)

They could not have hoped for a better outcome. The anesthesiologist, who's done 2,000 of these operations, said this went completely smoothly. As routine as you can get. The doctors at Stanford University Medical Center are among the best in the world. She had a team of three doctors operating today, three young women at the top of their profession.

It's likely she'll have to follow up with chemotherapy, because it was an aggressive stage II cancer, but this afternoon she was up and cracking jokes.

To be on the safe side they took out everything that could be effected, uterus, ovaries, you name it. Your mom and dad wise-cracked that maybe they should take out the appendix, anything else useless you can rid of - while you're cleaning up in there. The doctors howled and said, "we like this family!"

Stanford will have their tumor board (something like 20 top doctors) go over her biopsy next Wednesday and decide on her treatment.

They have your mom on self-administered morphine, and an epidural straight to the incision. They believe in No Pain at Stanford. They won't let her sit up until tomorrow, and she's going to be pretty darn hungry - she couldn't have anything but ice today.

I got her phone number, so you can call her tomorrow. She probably won't be discharged until Monday.

Apparently she had this before when she was 17 and had one of her ovaries taken out. They didn't think she'd be able to have kids - instead she had three on one ovary. The doctors are puzzled at the scar tissue there though, it's a medical curiosity, they can't figure out how that was done. (Your sister joked and I joked that this surgery was done back in 60's -- they used chain saws then. We also wise-cracked about "that's why we women have two ovaries. Back up systems!")

Please come home, Sweet Pea. I miss you terribly. And I want to tell you the good news.

ETA: He's home! He was mad at me so went to his friend's house. He had his sister's home phone number instead of her cell, so didn't reach her.

*is tremendously relieved.*

He's home!