Okay, she's in surgery.
Aug. 19th, 2004 11:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icarus![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
wildernessguru's mom went into surgery at 9am this morning. *takes deep breath and holds it, yes, for four hours* *turns purple*He's home today with fuzzhead today. WG's not Buddhist, but there's one mantra he likes, so he's doing that. Even if people aren't spiritual, there's something about having something you can do while you hope.
I'm calm, but WG is quite stressed and frightened, though he's outwardly calm. It hits you at a gut level when it's your parents. All your life, from the time you were tiny, you depend on them. You might not even get along later, but they're the center of your life in many ways. When something happens to them -- you're not ready for it. You can't be ready for it. It hits you at a visceral level that's surprising. In WG's case, he and his mom have always been close, and he has the extra weight of guilt because he's missed the last few Christmas's.
She's going to be all right I think, but that doesn't make this waiting any easier for him.
I do hope I didn't offend anyone with my last Snape-post (and hopefully it's clear that I think
It's just rather intense at home at the moment.
P.S. There will probably be a lot of Buddhist stuff in my journal for a while. It's not prostyletizing, just a major part of my life (my whole family's practicing Buddhists). I'm pretty serious about it. I've stood outside the capital building with Richard Gere protesting China's occupation of Tibet; have done more retreats than I can easily count; have been in private teachings with the H. H. the Dalai Lama on several occasions, before people really knew who he was; have studied Vinaya, Abhidharma, Madhyamika, Vajrayana, etc., and some teachers have even wasted Mahamudra teachings on me; have constructed monasteries, donated thousands of dollars, learned some Tibetan... okay, you get the picture. I left my last fandom largely because of the conservative (re: obnoxious) Christian element in the Tolkien crowd.
I believe that most spiritual people (Buddhist and Christian) think they're more spiritual than they are -- that is to say, they believe their path is largely about what other people ought to be doing and spend their time selling their beliefs to others and judging what others do or don't do. Which usually means that regular, kind people who don't do that crap are way ahead. So. I hang out mostly with the non-religious because I like them more. *laughs*
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Date: 2004-08-19 12:58 pm (UTC)And you don't need to explain away your Buddhist stuff, either - I personally happen to find it fascinating, and I look forward to those posts. :)
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Date: 2004-08-19 01:24 pm (UTC)I'm in a tangle (as usual) with the ULTRA-Christians in the LotR fandom again, so I'm feeling rather defensive. I just seem to help tweaking them about slash every time they open to door for the discussion. It's just... in the Tolkien world, Tolkien is canon. Not the fucking bible, regardless of Tolkien's religious orientation.
*tears out hair*
*stomps on rabid Christian
Tolkientheir-rendition-of-Tolkien fans (and it's remarkable how similar their Tolkien's views are to their own, eh?)*Icarus
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Date: 2004-08-19 01:41 pm (UTC)Ain't it always the way? ::sigh:: Wish I could help - conservative religious always irk me, and I'm a pretty good debater (too many years in a religion debate chatroom will at least give you that), but my Tolkien knowledge is non-existent. :)
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Date: 2004-08-19 01:17 pm (UTC)You've definitely intrigued me with your Buddhist talk. I don't talk about it much on my journal, but I'm always interesting in learning more about different religions. I've always read about Paganism (Wicca, in particular), but if you could rec some books, I'd be totally keysmashing. >.> *loff*
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Date: 2004-08-19 01:26 pm (UTC)Icarus
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Date: 2004-08-19 01:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 01:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 02:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 02:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 02:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 02:27 pm (UTC)Just checked out your layout - niiiiiiiice. :)
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Date: 2004-08-19 02:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 01:21 pm (UTC)Shortly after you mentioned about this, my mum had to go in for tests to deduce whether she had cancer or not - luckily she didn't, but that was enough to shake me up badly.
I think as for religion, I'm only bothered when it comes to people who preach at others; otherwise, I don't really care who follows what.
I think Dogma sums it up best with 'it doesn't matter what you believe in, so long as you believe in something'.
Hope everything turns out ok *hugs*
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Date: 2004-08-19 01:22 pm (UTC)Personally, I have no problem with people talking about their spirituality, regardless of whether it jives with mine. Your LJ is your space, and we're just squatters in it. I know what you mean though , I get weird about talking witchy in my LJ too. I can talk anything else, but I tend to flinch when it comes to sharing the pagan news. :)
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Date: 2004-08-19 02:24 pm (UTC)Thank you. WG's been very touched by everyone's concern.
Icarus
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Date: 2004-08-19 01:39 pm (UTC)That's a large part of why I tend to distrust/avoid religion, generally. *gryn* Thanks for putting it so well.
And I'll keep my fingers crossed (and pray in my fashion) for you and WG. *hugs*
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Date: 2004-08-19 02:08 pm (UTC)I go to Mass every Sunday and am in a pretty high-level choir. I find that singing complex and challenging religious music feeds part of me, although I am spiritually tone deaf. But in the part of RL where I work (academia), you have to be pretty closeted about any religious practices. So, I can empathize with what you write there.
By now, you must know the outcome of her surgery. I'll pray for you, WG, and his mother.
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Date: 2004-08-19 02:27 pm (UTC)It's curious, but many have adapted the wild Tibetan religious music to western tunes. Some of it's almost Gregorian (which the Tibetans are utterly fascinated by) while others are more contemporary. It's very interesting. Westerners tend to find Tibetan music... um... ethinic. Heh.
What is Opus Dei?
Icarus
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Date: 2004-08-19 02:34 pm (UTC)Opus Dei is a small but very powerful organization within the Church. It includes both high-level clergy and powerful conservative lay Catholics. They are about as far right as one can get within the Church (before you go off to the real fringe, like Mel Brooks, who have essentially left Catholicism in order to make up their own odd right-wing fundamentalist version of Catholicism).
Opus Dei is the far conservative Catholic establishment. They back the current pope completely, and of course they'd love to drive out left-wing feminist Catholics like myself. They don't see us as "real" Catholics.
Enough rant. Sorry. I should think of more cheerful topics to distract you. Names of those performers who have adapted Tibetian music to Gregorian-like chants (how amusing), please?
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Date: 2004-08-19 02:33 pm (UTC)Don't blame you at all. Gotta take the mind off of things that are stressful, sometimes, right?
You know, I forgot to mention this in my last comment, but you deserve a lot of credit for sticking by WG while he's dealing with his mother's situation. When my mother went in for surgery and subsequent radiation treatments, no one, not even my family, bothered to ask me how I felt. I ended up shutting down and closing myself off and felt/acted/reacted miserable(bly).
In an odd way, hearing how you're supporting him makes me feel better, especially since my aunt is now sick with breast cancer. I'm not sure how that works, but thank you.
And on another topic, I'm glad you have religion in your life. I'm not particularly religious myself (otherwise, I'd probably believe I deserved to go to hell just for living) outside of God, heaven, and hell and in some ways, it feels like something's missing sometimes. Not often, but sometimes. Does that make sense?
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Date: 2004-08-19 02:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 02:46 pm (UTC)I've found that about many Tolkienists myself, even though I'm not in the fandom per se. It got folded into a rather heated discussion I had with a classmate in my YA lit class this summer about censorship and book-challenging. He couldn't understand that though I respect his religious beliefs, his use of them to dictate what was available on the school or public library shelves could quite often be a way of disrespecting and censoring others' beliefs.
It's a complicated subject, and this man thought in nothing but black/white, right/wrong, mine/yours.
I did take the upper road and not tweak him about Tolkien and C.S. Lewis's extraordinarily close friendship. I doubt there's any truth at all to that old saw, but it does make the veins stand out in people's foreheads. *wicked grin*
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Date: 2004-08-19 03:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 03:26 pm (UTC)I live in an area where christian fundamentalism rules (we were both raised landmark baptist, it is an extremely oppressive branch of baptist allowing for no thought only what the minister tells you to believe, no media, no cutting of the hair or wearing of the pants for women also no speaking in public for women). At the moment we are out of sorts with both sides of the family because we have chosen not to follow these particular practices.
I always enjoy it when you share some of your knowledge of your faith with us it helps me learn something more about myself.
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Date: 2004-08-19 03:27 pm (UTC)It hits you at a gut level when it's your parents. All your life, from the time you were tiny, you depend on them. You might not even get along later, but they're the center of your life in many ways. When something happens to them -- you're not ready for it. You can't be ready for it. It hits you at a visceral level that's surprising.
That's certainly true. I lost my mother in my teens and my father in my twenties. While I feel the latter more keenly, there's the huge lump of "what if" around the former :-)
...and the buddhist talk is quite enjoyable. If any of us don't like it, we can always defriend, although
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Date: 2004-08-19 04:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 04:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 04:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 05:03 pm (UTC)It exposes your inner child. It's a very scary time on so many levels. I can't add anything else that hasn't been said above, except that I've been through it too, and if I was religious at all I would pray (but I'm not), but that I am thinking of you and WG and his Mum. All the messages of love from your LJ friends are truly ... well, lovely, and I do believe in that.
*many hugs*
And the Buddhism: fascinating.
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Date: 2004-08-20 08:46 am (UTC)WG was reading every single one of these, and is very touched. She's doing well, up and cracking jokes yesterday. *is utterly relieved*
Icarus
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Date: 2004-08-19 06:29 pm (UTC)I'm so interested in Bhuddism, it's not funny. I mean, I'm studying it but it's one of the few religions I think I could see eye to eye on. So yes, carry on with the Bhuddist posting. Just remember: as long as you're not forcing your religion on anyone, it's your journal, your opinion and your beliefs... so write what you want!
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Date: 2004-08-20 08:44 am (UTC)She's doing well. Okay, one Buddhist post, coming up.
Icarus
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Date: 2004-08-19 07:37 pm (UTC)Actually, as I was reading your post, I was going to ask you why you hadn't been posting about Buddhism lately. Apparently I was following your subconscious wavelength.
I'm assuming WG's mom is out of surgery now. I hope everything's ok...
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Date: 2004-08-20 08:42 am (UTC)*sends positive brainwaves, since we seen to be able to communicate that way. Heh.*
Icarus
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Date: 2004-08-19 10:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-19 11:12 pm (UTC)Icarus