Working and going to school.

This has been really, really hard, working and going to school.

My grades have suffered, the amount I've learned has suffered because I'm constantly just doing the minimum, speed-reading, slapping assignments together.

Homework has been late because my schedule has not allowed the time I need to do it. And I've been constantly on the edge of exhaustion: I'm either doing homework, at work, traveling, or passed out mindlessly in front of the TV/computer, in recovery.

Had I not been spread so thin, my Law and my Philosophy class I would have aced. I'm not sure what I got in those classes, but it's not what I would have, normally.

Yesterday I hardly had anyone show up for tutoring.

It was the first day of the semester that I felt I could relax and focus and concentrate on my studies.

I'd almost forgotten what that was like, concentration.


ETA: Actually, part of the exhaustion is the fact that we're only allowed a half-hour of tutoring per student, and it's just fucking hard to speed-read a 5-page essay, locate the most consistent errors, and then teach the grammatical principles involved in a half hour. The English tutors are in high demand, so it has this assembly-line feel.

Clubbing baby seals. If I could get the energy to move.

Yesterday a student came to me to ask for help with his personal statement. It turned out to be an application to UW Medical school. They wanted a personal anecdote about something that shaped his character. His story was great, all about his grandfather - who was a doctor who did Chinese medicine - dying of cancer, and how that helped shape his own decision to become a doctor.

Great story. I told him so, and he started smirking. Something was just darned funny.

So as I was checking his English, I asked a couple of clarification questions, because there was something in the story about his going to stay with his grandfather, but he'd said that grandpa was in the hospital. "So you were staying at the hospital?"

"Yes. Staying at the hospital."

"Where?"

He looked confused.

I prompted, "My boyfriend's mother had cancer and the staff let him sleep in her room. Otherwise, he stayed at a hotel. Did you stay in your grandfather's room?"

The kid still didn't have an answer. Normally when you ask someone details like this they start overflowing with unnecessary information. Hmm. I suddenly suspected he'd made this entire story up. But I wasn't sure. So a little further on in the story he'd mentioned a note his grandfather gave him that he treasured.

I asked him, "Just out of curiosity, where do you keep this note?"

He looked confused.

"This note you treasure so much. From your grandfather."

"Oh. I keep it in a... notebook."

Yeah. Right.

As he left I called after him, "They'll buy it."

But it occurs to me that his English really isn't good enough for medical school. Which is just as well, because I'd rather a liar didn't edge out someone honest who might make a good doctor.

Shit. This thing's supposed to give them an idea of his character.

Culturally I know that many Asian societies value cleverness and wit and 'politely playing along' (re: bullshit) over honesty. But I don't think I'll ever respect it.




*sigh* This law assignment is so not happening. The glossary is incomplete, and the so-called law dictionary also does not have these terms. Perhaps I can look them up online.

I have to study for my Philosophy exam, and it occurred to me that I still have to hand in my Buddhism paper. I did a presentation instead, which helped the class, but there was no extra credit for it, and timewise it was a choice between the presentation and an incredibly easy assignment which I didn't know I was going to get dinged for until last night. Shit.

Japanese memorization, have to work on that today.

An anecdote.

Last Sunday I was rather excited about an idea for a story, and described it to wildernessguru at length as he clicked away at the computer, outdoor catalogues spread over his lap.

"So after they get the pictures, they realize that items are missing from the table...."

"Sounds interesting," he says.

"There are alien plants outside the window, when the shot was supposedly taken here on earth...."

"Um-hmm." Clickity-click, click, click.

"After they'd admitted what happened, they discovered the photo was of a memory, not a real picture. There's no lensing effect you see, and it's selective, the way memory is."

"Sounds good, honey." Papers rustle. Tap. Tap.

I shut my mouth for a moment. Then say, "There definitely will be anteaters involved."

Rustle, fold. Tappity-tap. Studies screen. "Sounds like a good story."

"What did I just say?"

He looks up blankly, deer in headlights. Caught. "Anthills-?"

Law.

So law is over.

My participation helped me. Time missed (while trying to do homework/prep for classes that I didn't have time to do because of work) hurt me.

This should have been an easy A.

Fuck.

That's it. I'm not doing more than 8 hours a week of tutoring next quarter. 15 hours a week was too much. 10 and a half hours was too much.

This isn't shelving books, this is busting my ass trying to cram an hour's worth of teaching into half an hour.

( These kids who come to me are really struggling. They've passed their ESL classes, but their essays are still incomprehensible )

When I'm in the downstairs office it's better, because I have a full hour with each student, and I have the same students throughout the quarter. The system upstairs is lousy for teaching. Just lousy.

I come home spent. Check my email. Speed-read my homework and cram a writing assignment in an hour if I can. Go to class. Come home. Crash.

It's totally screwed up my grades. And I can't quit. I can get the hours cut back though. But I'm committed to 300 tutoring hours between now and November.

Whew.

How Tantric!

Well, the fire department just called WG and I back.

The black smoke pouring out of the building a couple blocks away?

It's a crematorium.

Ah.

More spam. What's next in the school world?

Okay.

- I'm slated to do 15 credits, a full course load per quarter. But that will be 3 credits short for my AA degree. So somewhere in there I have to take an extra class.

- I have to pass a math test in the next week in order to take the science/math classes I need next quarter.

If I pass to a certain level, I can take one of my three science requirements.
If I pass to the next level, I can take two of the science requirements.
If I don't pass, I can't finish my degree by summer.

- I'm slated to do 300 hours of tutoring between now and November 2005 for Americorps Students in Service.

- FAFSA application January 1st.

- Need high school transcript from Waldorf by the end of January. Not an easy matter - they don't have my school records. I do.

- Application to UW by February 5th.

Oh. Yes. Minor matter of deciding my major.

(no subject)

Oh look. Area 52's updated with Shy Guy.

*smiles in a bemused/exhausted/useless sort of way*