A couch.

So. We bought a couch.

Last night we planned how to get rid of the old couch.

During the day I learned the charity people who pick up couches are scheduling for September right now, so it looks like we need to rent a pick-up because there's no way that we'll fit a couch on top of wildernessguru's Honda Prelude (though my old Ford Tempo had been perfect for that sort of job).

Meanwhile, I need to take the upholstery fabric off because the big secret is: I never upholstered the back. It's Egyptian amphoras in cream, terracotta, and brown -- except the the back, hidden against the wall, which is still baby blue and white stripes.

So at midnight, after a day of calls and all this planning, it occured to WG.

"Uh. Shouldn't we check when the couch is being delivered? Otherwise you'll be sitting at the computer in a folding chair."

And this, my friends, is why we pay him the big bucks.

They haven't thrown bricks yet, but that's coming.

Attention: Techies!

Why, that's all of you, isn't it?

How do I solve the problem of my dial-up making it impossible for people to call in?

I'm sure you all know or suspect I spend a lot of time online. Apparently there are humans out there (who knew?) who still use phones instead of IM, who want to call (using the telephone?), and are getting irate. I've yet to see a brick fly through the window though no doubt some of my friends are tempted.

The Puppy was so frustrated he bought and mailed us a splitter and CallerID box. Uh. I didn't think that would work and, no, it didn't.

I seem to recall that there was some sort of online software-or-something where, IF you had call waiting, you'd get a little pop-up that a call was coming in -- and you flipped a switch?

Any ideas? Solutions? Brilliant suggestions?

Signed,
Poor College Student with an Internet Addiction and No DSL

I now understand Fandom Wank.

I now understand why people read Fandom Wank.

I ran across posts about the race wank (and heard about it from amothea earlier today), then poked at them curiously. Oh, so hard to follow when both sides -- or multiple sides -- are upset, and not fun reading the anger, not fun at all.

Now I see that Fandom Wank takes the whole thing and makes it simple. Turns it into a few sound bites, and what's more, strips out the anger (and replaces it with mockery).

Having been wanked, I know the process is:

Step 1 - A fight!
Step 2 - Anonymous people report it on wank_report, or Clairvoyant Wank on journalfen.
Step 3 - Fandom Wank picks a side and writes a flippant gloss of the fight.

I know in Step 3 the substance is lost. Nuance is not hilarious.

But on the other hand, when people are getting very huffy, and the argument has been spiraling out of control for days, and the 20 dollar words are piling up to prove that one side is more intelligent ergo more deserving of support than the other, and the sentence length starts to rival Tolkien... it's a relief to find a simple version.

The gloss and picking sides isn't fair to either side, but man. When you guys are fighting, you mind posting a Cliff Notes version?



In other news...

How to reply to an ad for a free futon frame on Craigslist:

Hi. My name's X. I have a truck to pick it up. Here's my phone number.

How NOT to reply to an ad for a free futon frame on Craigslist:

Hi. Is a queen size the same as a full size? What color pine is it? Is it the kind that sits on the floor? Does it fold up? Is it possible to see a picture? What are the measurements of a queen size futon frame?

Guys. Who would you call back?

Answer the ad with your definite interest. Then ask all the questions over the phone.