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Tuning Up Your Bullshit Detector
There was a meme going around a year ago, having people list things they've learned in life. I couldn't think of anything at the time. But I've learned some things, and one of those is how to spot someone who's lying. The boyfriend and I play a game with 60 Minutes where he asks me, "Okay, is this person lying? How about this one?"
It's not perfect. I can be fooled. But I've put some time into learning how not to. I have caught more than a few liars in the act.
First is to pay attention.
Recognize circumstances when you're likely to be lied to, so you're looking for it. Is someone embarrassed? Backed up against the wall? Are they being forced to make an apology? Do they have something to lose from telling the truth? Something to gain from telling a lie?
Remember that a lie is a sell job. Your belief is the goal. When someone tries to sell me a story, I sharpen up.
( Body language )
( Fitting the story to the audience )
( The unshakable story )
( A whole truth out of two half truths )
( Flat affect or phony emotions )
( The simple soundbyte )
( Distraction )
So there you go.
Not every lie is created equal. Sometimes it's not worth knowing the truth. It doesn't matter if your coworker really had car trouble or if they slept through their alarm. Sometimes the lie is a polite fiction ("Yes, dear, I love that dress on you") where you're better off accepting it as intended in good grace.
But there are bad people in the world. People who aim to fleece you, on the internet and in real life. People whose interests run counter to yours and are willing to "do what it takes" -- including lie. People who get a charge out of creating a reaction, who are happy to waste your time and take advantage of your good nature.
I've noticed that the people who have my best interests at heart usually tell me the truth. And those who don't ... I often catch them in a lie. 90% of the time, in my experience at least, lies and bad intentions go hand in hand.
There was a meme going around a year ago, having people list things they've learned in life. I couldn't think of anything at the time. But I've learned some things, and one of those is how to spot someone who's lying. The boyfriend and I play a game with 60 Minutes where he asks me, "Okay, is this person lying? How about this one?"
It's not perfect. I can be fooled. But I've put some time into learning how not to. I have caught more than a few liars in the act.
First is to pay attention.
Recognize circumstances when you're likely to be lied to, so you're looking for it. Is someone embarrassed? Backed up against the wall? Are they being forced to make an apology? Do they have something to lose from telling the truth? Something to gain from telling a lie?
Remember that a lie is a sell job. Your belief is the goal. When someone tries to sell me a story, I sharpen up.
( Body language )
( Fitting the story to the audience )
( The unshakable story )
( A whole truth out of two half truths )
( Flat affect or phony emotions )
( The simple soundbyte )
( Distraction )
So there you go.
Not every lie is created equal. Sometimes it's not worth knowing the truth. It doesn't matter if your coworker really had car trouble or if they slept through their alarm. Sometimes the lie is a polite fiction ("Yes, dear, I love that dress on you") where you're better off accepting it as intended in good grace.
But there are bad people in the world. People who aim to fleece you, on the internet and in real life. People whose interests run counter to yours and are willing to "do what it takes" -- including lie. People who get a charge out of creating a reaction, who are happy to waste your time and take advantage of your good nature.
I've noticed that the people who have my best interests at heart usually tell me the truth. And those who don't ... I often catch them in a lie. 90% of the time, in my experience at least, lies and bad intentions go hand in hand.
