Nightmare Pairing Pledge: gacked from McTabby

[icarus]

I, Icarus, do solemnly swear that my favorite HP character is Percy Weasley and my least favorite character is that phony, unrealistic Mary Sueish (how's that for strong language?) caricature Nymphadora Tonks. The mere thought of them doing naughty things together makes me whimper (with nauseated mind-numbing boredom). However... given sufficient crack and an infinite number of monkeys, here's how a Percy/Tonks shag might happen (though I sincerely hope it never does, and if it does, I just don't want to know).

Necessary plot device or deus ex machina: Percy sits in a big pink chair that's really Tonks transformed (she can turn herself into a chair, right? <--- Icarus has mentally blocked out all info concerning Tonks, Tonks who?)
Who makes the first move: Tonks, because Percy doesn't like her pink hair any more than I do
Positions and/or kinks: Tonks wanks him with feathered fingers, because why not? Tonks is wonder woman.
Afterglow: Satiated, stunned Percy has the chair stupefied and put into storage, because he never figures out it was person and chairs just can't randomly attack people like that.
Would I actually read or write this? Yes/No/Umm... dear god no.

Comments

Hee! Icarus does FurnitureHet!

[mctabby.livejournal.com]

Just wait, Percy. She'll be back as a really thin-bottomed cauldron. Muahahahaha. :D

Re: Hee! Icarus does FurnitureHet!

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... *Percy disappears into the sunset*

A pink cauldron, no doubt.

Icarus

[aigooism.livejournal.com]

Oh dear! I can't stop laughing!

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Poor Percy. But is a service to us all, locking up that... chair. And think of the self-sacrifice on his part.

Icarus

[alice-and-lain.livejournal.com]

Hee. You do know that Percy/Tonks exists, right? I don't care much for the pairing, myself, but some seem to think that Tonks would pull Percy out of his shell. Like, whatever.

On the other hand, the above story you posited is so amusing, I would love to see you write it. Especially the end, with Percy determined to secure the chair away from those innocents that might stumble upon it. Hee.

~Amber

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

You do know that Percy/Tonks exists, right?

Worse yet, it appeared in my Percyfest. (I politely looked away.)

On the other hand, the above story you posited is so amusing, I would love to see you write it. Especially the end, with Percy determined to secure the chair away from those innocents that might stumble upon it. Hee.


Trouble is, I don't think I couldn't write Tonks without her ending up a potion ingredient.

Icarus

[bruno-greengras.livejournal.com]

*cries with relief* There are other Tonks-haters out there! I thought I was the only one. :p
I would love to see this story, though there are a few extreme Tonks-fans out there... Could be bad for your (Internet) health. ;)

*High Fives*

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. Bad enough JKR had to add characters so late in the story arc, she also had to invent... Tonks belongs in a Saturday morning cartoon.

I would love to see this story, though there are a few extreme Tonks-fans out there... Could be bad for your (Internet) health. ;)

Now see, extreme Tonks fans are just what would tempt to write this.

Icarus

Re: *High Fives*

[bruno-greengras.livejournal.com]

Bad enough JKR had to add characters so late in the story arc
Hmm. Dunno - I love Dung Fletcher, and there are a couple of the new ones I'm curious about. Then again, they don't have OMG!speshul powrz and pink hair.

Now see, extreme Tonks fans are just what would tempt to write this.
You've got bigger balls than me, then. Then again, so has 90% of the world's population. *is brutally honest with self*
If you write it, I promise to pimp it. ;)

[shocolate.livejournal.com]

I am going to have nightmares about this - not because I hate Tonks, but because I have to sit in chairs!

Oh dear god, I'm sitting in one now - did it just move?

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Chaaiiiiirrrrrs piiiiiiiiinnnnk chaaaaiiiiiirs...

If it has feathers -- run.


Icarus

[absurdwords.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahahaha. I usually like Tonks, but the 'fucking chair' totally cracked me up.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

*g* I've liked her when certain authors play her in RPGs, but canon Tonks? Augh.

Though wikdsushi reminded me of Grawp today. I think I'd blocked him from mind completely.

Icarus

[thistle-chaser.livejournal.com]

*laughs lots*

Afterglow: Satiated, stunned Percy has the chair stupefied and put into storage, because he never figures out it was person and chairs just can't randomly attack people like that.

I'd sooo read that fic! Tonks is awful, but to have her end up like that would be worth it!

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

The ending would be the only reason to write it. I don't suppose we would kidnap her and keep her out of Half-Blood Prince entirely?

Yeah. Didn't think so.

Icarus