Nightmare Pairing Pledge: gacked from McTabby

[icarus]

I, Icarus, do solemnly swear that my favorite HP character is Percy Weasley and my least favorite character is that phony, unrealistic Mary Sueish (how's that for strong language?) caricature Nymphadora Tonks. The mere thought of them doing naughty things together makes me whimper (with nauseated mind-numbing boredom). However... given sufficient crack and an infinite number of monkeys, here's how a Percy/Tonks shag might happen (though I sincerely hope it never does, and if it does, I just don't want to know).

Necessary plot device or deus ex machina: Percy sits in a big pink chair that's really Tonks transformed (she can turn herself into a chair, right? <--- Icarus has mentally blocked out all info concerning Tonks, Tonks who?)
Who makes the first move: Tonks, because Percy doesn't like her pink hair any more than I do
Positions and/or kinks: Tonks wanks him with feathered fingers, because why not? Tonks is wonder woman.
Afterglow: Satiated, stunned Percy has the chair stupefied and put into storage, because he never figures out it was person and chairs just can't randomly attack people like that.
Would I actually read or write this? Yes/No/Umm... dear god no.

Comments

[aigooism.livejournal.com]

Oh dear! I can't stop laughing!

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Poor Percy. But is a service to us all, locking up that... chair. And think of the self-sacrifice on his part.

Icarus