Nightmare Pairing Pledge: gacked from McTabby

[icarus]

I, Icarus, do solemnly swear that my favorite HP character is Percy Weasley and my least favorite character is that phony, unrealistic Mary Sueish (how's that for strong language?) caricature Nymphadora Tonks. The mere thought of them doing naughty things together makes me whimper (with nauseated mind-numbing boredom). However... given sufficient crack and an infinite number of monkeys, here's how a Percy/Tonks shag might happen (though I sincerely hope it never does, and if it does, I just don't want to know).

Necessary plot device or deus ex machina: Percy sits in a big pink chair that's really Tonks transformed (she can turn herself into a chair, right? <--- Icarus has mentally blocked out all info concerning Tonks, Tonks who?)
Who makes the first move: Tonks, because Percy doesn't like her pink hair any more than I do
Positions and/or kinks: Tonks wanks him with feathered fingers, because why not? Tonks is wonder woman.
Afterglow: Satiated, stunned Percy has the chair stupefied and put into storage, because he never figures out it was person and chairs just can't randomly attack people like that.
Would I actually read or write this? Yes/No/Umm... dear god no.

Comments

[bruno-greengras.livejournal.com]

*cries with relief* There are other Tonks-haters out there! I thought I was the only one. :p
I would love to see this story, though there are a few extreme Tonks-fans out there... Could be bad for your (Internet) health. ;)

*High Fives*

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. Bad enough JKR had to add characters so late in the story arc, she also had to invent... Tonks belongs in a Saturday morning cartoon.

I would love to see this story, though there are a few extreme Tonks-fans out there... Could be bad for your (Internet) health. ;)

Now see, extreme Tonks fans are just what would tempt to write this.

Icarus

Re: *High Fives*

[bruno-greengras.livejournal.com]

Bad enough JKR had to add characters so late in the story arc
Hmm. Dunno - I love Dung Fletcher, and there are a couple of the new ones I'm curious about. Then again, they don't have OMG!speshul powrz and pink hair.

Now see, extreme Tonks fans are just what would tempt to write this.
You've got bigger balls than me, then. Then again, so has 90% of the world's population. *is brutally honest with self*
If you write it, I promise to pimp it. ;)