To LJ or to Fic....

[icarus]

I'm doing that honors class. Honors, by the way, is the school's way of training students they think (hope) will (might) publish in the future. That's the whole point. They should call it academic boot camp. "Honors" is just how they lure you in before they lower the boom.

So I'm in that boot camp class. My professor has told me already that my idea for my paper sucks donkey dick... why did I get accepted again? Anyhow, I have to completely rewrite my idea for my paper because my question is all about definitions which is too thin, superficial, uninteresting, or at least not what the committee wants (I mentioned this is boot camp, right? Complete with the gantlet?). Shit.

I'm having to make choices about my LJ time. Do I spameth thee (thou? y'all?), or do I write Out Of Bounds in my rather limited free time?

I've elected to write fic.

I knew you would approve.

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Holy shit. rosesanguina was Rosesanguina? Oh no....

Comments

[enname.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, I remember .. wait that is a lie. I have hazy (yet fond!) memories of honours year made fuzzy by extraordinary stress, lack of sleep and computer glare. Probably a good thing I barely recall any part really, I'd probably need some sort of counselling. There was that week where I ended up not sleeping for five days and nights straight due to the study load, on top of the three hours I was already running on. Mm, a wonder any of my work was coherent. Oh and the 5,000 word essay (we had course work and a dissertation roughly coming in at 40,000 for one year) which I researched and wrote in three hours and got yelled at for not doing well enough on - considering I got a high second (under a first, which is top mark) and I did sod all? Not complaining.

You got accepted because they saw research potential - they are now more concerned with making sure you have a proposal that will give you enough (but not too much!) to write on and research through. Something on definitions is the introduction section to sustained research, you need it to be meatier, but really? A proposal doesn't need to be brilliant, it is bound to change as you start work. Meh. Listen if he says 'committee not looking for', but otherwise? Tell them to sod off if they want you to change something utterly fundamental.

Really, I get shocked and somewhat suspicious when someone agrees with me now, so used to being told that whatever it is is worth bugger all. :P

[enname.livejournal.com]

Speaking of, I am now going to have a giant panic attack over the three week appearing deadline for my thesis.

*tries not to hyperventilate*

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I'm beginning to understand what you thesis people are going through. I'm looking at an enormous stack of books and articles and... holy shit. I'm at sea, and this sea is made of dusty hard bound texts. All of it is tangental to my area of research. I've been able to find only two articles directly related to my subject. The other more general work is old, old, old. 1957. 1968. 1985.

I'm feeling so screwed right now.

[enname.livejournal.com]

No no no, this is a good thing! You don't want to be finding articles left right and centre related to your area of research, because it means that chances are you then have a field where you can find something to say. Especially if the previous work is old - it means that there has been a lull in interest and anything you write will be marvellous, because chances are those who do use your area have been stuck using the same work from 1957 etc. Hell, my area is very well populated and I still only (after three years) have about twelve articles and books that I would perhaps in part agree with.

Of course it also means that er, you are swimming alone far out at sea with no life craft but.. pfft, that is the fun thing! Becoming an expert and beginning to say something original. It is also why they give you honours to practice on - less embarrassing to flub around now, than when you publish a doctorate and have everyone laughing at you.

As for the reading load? Yeh it is huge, but I get panicked because I haven't read enough to compete with people who have been academics for forty years and I am always reading one or two new things a day (ok, so not now as that led to a full blown panic attack and no writing). My supervisor says she feels the same way, and she said hers did as well - there is always something else to read, somewhere else and always in another damn language. The trick is to just dive in and enjoy it. Absorb information (this is the stage you are at) and just see what there is and what isn't. Write down ideas and things that stand out as you read - you can return to them later. Oh... and er, indexes are your friend. *nod*

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

My biggest problem is huge.

I get the impression that what they're excited about is the access to certain sources that are not available outside the lineage. I can write a paper for myself and a few people based on those sources, but I can't publish. I didn't know they'd want me to publish at this early stage.

There are many Tibetan Buddhist scholars in the tradition who are qualified to publish. Geshe Michael Roach in New York for one has the Tibetan Buddhist doctorate in the Dalai Lama's lineage. He's infinitely more qualified than me. Jules Levinson. But they don't, they won't, not outside the tradition. They couldn't get authorized to do so. There's no point in even asking.

The Asian Classics project even has those texts online. But here's what you get if you're not authorized in the tradition:

http://www.asianclassics.org/research_site/09_Author/Bhavyakirti/Tengyur/SecretTeachings/CommentaryuponDifficultPointsintheFiveStages/TD1838ERAW_T.TXT

I can probably get authorization to view them, but only for personal practice. For scholarly publication? Not a chance. There's good reason the scholars vanish as soon as they get deep enough into the tradition to have access.

Namkai Norbu, who's a lama, got shredded for making some of this public. And he has political clout that I don't have.

Now that I know they want me to publish... well, I can't. I won't. I won't risk being ostracized and cut off from those sources in the future for my own personal practice.

[enname.livejournal.com]

I see you've already breathed below, which is good. To start with, I don't think your paper is large enough to manage with sources that you cannot access and are that deep into the lineage. As you say - scholars vanish as soon as they get far enough to have access. You know this, work out a way to utilise things that won't mean you get in trouble. Or you know, talk it through with your teaching staff and work it that way. There is always some way around these things, even if they aren't exactly what you wanted initially.

Also.. breathe! They want you to publish to begin to get the hang of it. All academia is driven by publishing, so the earlier you start the better you chance at getting positions and funding. It need not be huge or in depth things, just a few pages even but it is good to start somewhere.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Aw, hell, so much for originality. Matthew Kapstein says exactly what I intended to say anyhow.

*headdesk*

[enname.livejournal.com]

Pfft, and this is where you go 'well he says that, but what is he not allowing for? Do I disagree wit him on anything?' etc. Then you read some more sources and start all over. It is the process of defining and refining. When in doubt go back to the sources... which I am glad to see you can use.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Done freaking out now. I don't have to use secret vajrayana sources, just my regular vajrayana sources and experiences are good. She's informed me that I don't have to have all my sources in hand, just that I need to know what my sources will be.

Thank god.

[enname.livejournal.com]

Yes, and this is what I would have said. It is impossible to know all the sources you will need before hand, just some of the potential ones. If you aren't writing the actual dissertation there is no need to have them all .... and well if you can't publish off the secret ones, then surely everyone who would be reading them would know this. It is a case of work around what you can't, and manage with what you do. parameters.

[kagyakusha.livejournal.com]

I agree with enname -- what you see as scary now, will be very very good in retrospect, you can say something FRESH and interesting, and that's significantly more likely to a) get published and then b) get cited

Good Luck!!!

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

No, I actually can't publish the sources I have.

Something personal, seen by a few people? Sure.

Publishing? Well, it's like being a former CIA officer. "Golly, I have sources that would really help the scholarly community and it's frustrating to see them get it wrong--" well, you don't even bother to ask the CIA if you can use them.

The same thing goes for the Tibetan Buddhist sources I have. The fact that they want me to publish is a roadblock for me. Sure, I'd love to. But I can't. There's no point in my even asking.

[rabidfan.livejournal.com]

So. Since they WANT you to publish, and you cannot do so, what are your options?

Selfishly, I'm delighted that what tiny amounts of free time are your own will be used for OoB. Spamming your flist? Who needs friends anyway!? (Step aside quickly, Icarus. Lightning will soon strike near me and you may get your brows singed.)

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I've no clue. But I'm going to talk to the Buddhists in the school adminstration first before I throw up any red flags.

[droolfangrrl.livejournal.com]

Yay fic! But y'know take care of yourself and stuff.

To LJ or to Fic ....

[maxinemayer.livejournal.com]

Well, of course, I opt for "fic" - but I'd like an occasional word about how you're doing, ya know, if you can fit that in....
Love ya, max