Done? Not quite, but it's time to unspool.

[icarus]

Ah. I just finished my last class for the quarter. Now I have just one 12-page research paper and a five-page essay (I have a first draft, need a second draft). Due next Tuesday.

Witness the Icarus unspooling.

And now, from auburnnothenna: Ask me a question about one of my stories. It can be absolutely anything in ANY fic and I will tell you the honest-to-God answer. Don’t hold back. Ask about posted fic, WIPs, series, or things I've only briefly mentioned, and I will do my best to answer. All my fic is here.

Comments

[elizabeth-rice.livejournal.com]

SGA: In 'Tanlines and Dogtags', what were the two freak-outs about (the one before the almost kiss and the one after)? What was going through John's head both times?

HP: 'A '57 Vincent and a Red-headed Boy'. What happens between Sirius and Ron afterwards? Never talk to each other again? And Sirius dies at the end of Ron's fifth year too.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

'Tanlines and Dogtags'

The first freak-out was about John being turned on about Lorne's offer to take the pictures. He was pissed off because he didn't want to say no, but it was a damned stupid idea. John took the whole thing to be a rather elaborate pass, one where Lorne has provided plausible deniability for himself. (From the moment Lorne said he painted nude men, John identified Lorne as gay, or at least bi and very interested in men. He just didn't get that painting nudes was standard to art school.) And John's pissed at Lorne's stupidity in making a pass at his commanding officer with full knowledge of the kind of trouble John could get into (not to mention the risks Lorne was taking with his own career).

At the same time, Lorne's offer to take the photos brought up a tremendous amount of loneliness and frustration on John's part. It reminded John that he didn't have any options since basically the entire base reported to him. He was pissed because he'd been comfortable before without a sex life, he was happy, and suddenly... not so much. Really pissed when he found himself considering it, fantasizing about Lorne when Lorne wasn't really his type. He didn't go for the frat-boy look and Lorne was a little too short. But Lorne was good-looking, and more than that, he was trustworthy. John knew people and he knew that about Lorne. If they started... Lorne would keep the secret. In terms of practicalities, they were both officers and if Lorne didn't report to him (and wasn't, oh, a guy) he would have been one of the better options.

John gives in to temptation and schedules the off-world mission together. Then, crap, he regrets it. But he can't take himself off the mission without Lorne clueing in that he was freaking out. So John tells himself that he'll just see how far Lorne is going to take this. And Lorne doesn't do a god damned thing. John starts to doubt himself about whether Lorne was making a pass at all, because Lorne sure doesn't act like it -- and John's hurt (to his surprise), feeling rejected. He starts wondering if Lorne had been fucking with his head all along. A bi cock-tease. The only sign that Lorne might be interested was the extra size of his pack, and the extra muscle Lorne puts into carrying it.

John waits and waits and waits for Lorne to make a move, and they don't even talk about it. At this point, pissed off and beyond frustrated, motives tangled, and angry with Lorne for messing with him, he makes Lorne open his pack. And there's all the equipment. That's when it hits John: Lorne's going to make him make the first move and take all the risks.

At first John's cold-as-ice angry with Lorne about that. But as they fly away from the mainland in silence, he realizes that Lorne's right. He pretty much has to let John make the decision. It's up to John. He's the commanding officer.

Then Lorne startles him by asking, point blank. Which shakes the truth out of John. Yeah. He wants this. But he thinks Lorne is talking about sex and using the photography as code. Once it's out in the open and he's said yes, there's the tremendous almost giddy sense of relief. Yes, he wants it.

It takes a while to arrange another trip to the mainland. They have to be very, very careful about this. John's career is on the line (as is Lorne's) if anyone should even suspect.

John's breathless with freedom and rebellion when he and Lorne take off on their second trip to the mainland. He figures everyone will write off his speed record as daredevil flying and not a planned extra stop.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

The second freak-out... when John realizes that Lorne hadn't been making a pass all along, his mind just freezes on his own stupidity. He'd outed himself. He'd outed himself by making a pass at his second in command. John couldn't believe what an idiot he'd been. How desperate did he have to be to start seeing passes where they didn't exist? When Lorne tells him he doesn't have a problem with it, John's tremendously relieved, though it doesn't help the disappointment.

Once they're back and the dust settles, and nothing happens (thus proving John was right, Lorne is trustworthy), John starts to wonder: what did Lorne mean, "Doesn't have a problem with it." And Lorne knew a lot of "alternative types" -- what? He'd tried it before? John's slowly, suspiciously, not so sure he was wrong about Lorne. He's convinced that a guy who can be around it, can be had. He starts trying to find Lorne's "no fly" zones (they've already crossed a lot of lines anyway and Lorne's proven himself). If he were honest with himself, he'd admit that mostly he'd reached the point where he flat out wanted Lorne. Inaccessibility has always been a bit of a turn-on for John.

[elizabeth-rice.livejournal.com]

Aw, poor John. I feel so bad for him.

Thank you so much. I loved reading your thoughts on both stories. 'Reunion' too (above). ♥

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

'A '57 Vincent and a Red-headed Boy'

Not a lot happens between them after that. Sirius misses the warning sign that he was trying to hold onto his lost youth and continues to do so through projecting James onto Harry. Ron avoids Sirius at first because he feels guilty and gets angry whenever someone suggests that Sirius could even be remotely gay (weird, I know).

Once everyone moves to 12 Grimmauld Place, the war with Voldemort takes precedence, and for Ron the whole incident gets swept away by more immediate concerns. Sirius ruminates about the situation but it's just one more painful memory among many once he moves to his old family home. His glory days in school serve as a buttress against that pain.