And now ... a new wardrobe!
Oct. 12th, 2011 12:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icarusMaking Friends With The Lady In The Mirror
The makeover continues. *eg*
Oh. Have I mentioned this?
Probably not.
In preparing to look for a guy after WG ran off to be gay-gay-gay in 2009, I did about six months of work. I knew I preferred someone younger than me, preferably without kids (never wanted to be a mom). That meant I had to look and dress young.
Personally, I have a lot of confidence, at least in some respects. Maybe when I was a little girl my daddy told me over and over again how beautiful I was and it stuck. For whatever reason, no matter how I actually look, my inner attitude is "I feel pretty! Oh, so prettyyyy!"
So I had to do a reality check. Someone with chronic low self esteem would have to approach this differently.
Reality Check
I looked at myself in the mirror. I ignored the things that weren't likely to change (I'm never going to 5' 9", and without surgery my boobs are a B-cup and that's that) and concentrated on things I knew I could.
What I saw in the mirror was a surprise.
I looked ... boring? Me?
My hair was boring. I had a basic bob and looked like a school teacher.
I wore plain Jane glasses and not contacts.
I also saw that my clothes were boring. I wore head to toe black or I wore just a red T-shirt with a pair of plain ol' pants. I wore drab colors even: black, black, black, brown, black, beige, black, cream, with the occasional red.
I saw that I wore no make-up (at all). I didn't have very clear skin. I have rosecea on my cheeks and didn't use any make-up to even cover it. I had bushy, untidy eyebrows. My fingernails were long, but had snags and were unkempt.
I also saw that even though I was skinny, I wasn't as skinny as I imagined myself to be-? My legs were flabby, my upper arms sagged, and I had a bit of a belly.
My teeth were yellow, and little sparks of gray showed in my hair, adding to the school teacher effect.
I looked like a 40-year-old who didn't own a mirror.
I looked at my plus points, too. I have good bone structure, nice eyes, long eyelashes, and other than the yellow teeth and gray, my face looks younger than I am. I wasn't by any means flat-chested, and with a little exercise, I could tone up my body. I'm dainty and could play up the "tiny-cute." My nails naturally grew long, I just needed to take care of them.
And a boring wardrobe can always be changed. On my budget (at the time I had $50 to my name and only worked three days a week) it would have to be gradual.
Let The Makeover Begin
The makeovers we see in magazines and TV are done by a team of stylists with experience, knowledge of products and options -- not to mention someone else's budget. Real makeovers? Take time.
First thing I started dying my hair to look younger.
Knowing I'd never keep up with a monthly dye, I researched shampoos that dye your hair. I wanted something natural, and finally bought Aveda walnut shampoo that dyed my hair every time I washed it. This hasn't been ideal. The stuff is harsh and dries my hair, but there's a hair care system called "Wen" that my aunt uses -- her hair looks great -- (there's a cheaper version from Sally's Beauty Supply called Hair One), and maybe alternate with the Aveda. I've tried it and the results are amazing, yes, an informercial that doesn't lie, who know?
Second, my teeth, remove the tell-tale yellow of age.
I had some Crest white strips and I finally used them. That took years off of me.
Third, I cleaned up and painted my nails.
Way too much trouble! But I need to change some of my habits so over time I can retrain myself to take care of my nails. For now I'm just keeping them trimmed and the cuticles pulled back.
Fourth, I started researching ways to clear up my rosecea.
Bad skin gives that teen effect, right? Eh, maybe not. I settled on using coconut oil in the shower once my pores were open from the heat. (I've also used vitamin E oil.) I find it cheap at the Asian market. It works pretty well, but the main problem is my diet. I have to give up chocolate, or at least have it no more than once a week (wah). I'm told that having a vegan diet (at least four days out of seven) and regular exercise with help my skin. The rosecea appeared at a time I switched my diet and ate much less fruit, and a lot more spicy foods. I do like Indian vegetarian recipes, sigh.
My online research has told me that I have to treat my skin gently, always use sunscreen, moisturize, and be sure not to overheat or let cold chap my skin. My skin has improved just with the coconut oil. Next I have to moisturize more consistently, adjust my diet, and use sunscreen.
Fifth, I tried a new hair cut.
It was awful! My mom's friend actually laughed at me, ha. So I went to a hair stylist who cut it to a longer version of my usual bob. But for the last year I've been growing my hair long and I'm going to try again. I need to buy one of those hair style magazines and look for styles that might work on me.
Sixth, make-up. Bye-bye, plain Jane.
I hung out at drug stores and 7-11s (this was when I didn't have a car so I had to wait for a bus anyway) and got those awful fashion magazine. I checked out the make-up styles in the ads especially. I decided I like the new "extra long lashes" look and the simple lip gloss. Some of my outfits need a strong lip stick though. I hate how you can't try a lip color in the store any more. I find that when I wear blush, people think I'm more healthy and apparently I look really different, so I guess my skin tends to be sallow and colorless without it (except the parts with the rosecea).
Sixth, contacts.
As soon as I was working I went to an eye doctor and bought contacts. No more hiding behind glasses.
Seventh, my clothes.
In the same fashion mags I started checking what I liked. I got a notebook and wrote out a list of styles I liked. I decided to go for a "European" tweedy look.
I bought drape-y scarves from a kiosk at the mall. At $10-30 a scarf it was a cheap way to make even my boring black look European and interesting. I decided I liked the skinny jeans with long boots style, so I bought skinny jeans and then hunted online for months until I found a deal on boots (secondhand on Etsy.com). I tried a military thing, but it just didn't fly with my work. I also found an Eileen Fisher designer sweater in a secondhand shop and found I loved it. I don't wear anything that doesn't pass "the feel test." I run my hand over it, and if the fabric doesn't feel good, forget it, because it'll just hang in my closet.
Eileen Fisher mostly does plus sizes, but she has beautiful soft fabrics and great shapes. I've found her clothes cheap on Ebay.com and www.designerapparel.com. I don't need a lot of clothes, but the ones I have need to be high quality and last.
Once I got a boyfriend, I started getting lazy about my clothes and make-up again (oops). Part of that is that a boyfriend takes up so much time. I need to create new habits for when I'm busy so I continue to take care of myself.
I've culled my wardrobe and it's time to try a few new looks. I'd like to try a romantic, floaty, soft look, kind of a classic silk blouse (http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/catalog/prod.jhtml?itemId=prod123501296&ecid=NMALRFeedeL3W0LN_nyI&ci_src=14110925&ci_sku=T3AH8&CS_003=5630585). I also am trying COLORS. Gosh, seeing color is so refreshing after all that BLACK.
I've created a list of looks that I'm shopping for, rather than just buying disconnected pieces:
European Tweedy
Colors: earth tones
Fabrics: tweed, twill, textured, rayon
Shapes: Pashmina scarves ... sweaters ... fedora, trilby hats ... suspenders and blouses ... long skirts ... coulottes ... business tweed jackets ... oxfords, tall boots
Soft & Floaty
Colors: white, cream, pastels, beige, coral
Fabrics: silk, rayon, modal, mercerized cotton, rayon, chiffon, cashmere
Shapes: Loose tops with floaty skirts ... inset lace .. pintucks ... soft fabrics ... romantic tops with casual pants (jeans) ... soft cashmere ... fluffy sweaters ... strappy heels, ballet flats
Spunky Sporty
Colors: high contrast, teal and black, brown and white, red and white
Fabrics: fleece, stretch cotton, stretch fleece, basic cotton, bluejean fabric, microfibers and other high tech fabrics
Shapes: casual hoodies ... fitted tops with skinny jeans ... khakis ... stretch cotton Tees ... casual macrame jewelry ... hiking boots, Tevas, sneakers
BoHo Artist
Colors: patterns and prints
Fabrics: natural cottons, hemp, rayon
Shapes: long boho skirts ... loose tops ... gypsy jewelry ... my pashmina scarves ... tall boots, ballerina flats, oxfords
I find it's helpful when I get a new item to try it on in multiple outfits. I'm in the habit of pairing "top -- consider color, with pants -- consider color" and not really looking at how the shapes flow together, since how I've dressed has been so simple, shape wasn't much of an issue. In high school I put together outfits, but I did it in the morning, taking a ridiculous amount of time to get dressed.
Eighth, jewelry.
When I split with WG, I'd just begun to buy jewelry (he adored buying it for me), largely from sundancecatalog.com. In 2009 I learned to string beads and create my own bracelets out of semi-precious stones (I decided I didn't want any costume jewelry).
There's a chart. It's just as detailed as the style chart, but, well, buried in a notebook. *fingerwave*
I went through a phase where I spent waaaay too much on Ebay jewelry auctions, where I found some really nice stuff ... white sapphire, topaz, tiny emeralds and diamonds, garnets, rose quartz. I also found rings in my tiny size custom made on Etsy.com.
Lastly, getting in shape.
I haven't done much about this yet. I thought I'd try yoga, dancing, and swimming. I've worked on it in spurts, but nothing's really *worked*, you know? For a while I had to walk a lot because of not having a car, so I just loaded up a backpack with heavy stuff and that kept me more or less in shape. I parked my car far from my front door to try to get some exercise in (every little bit helped). I got a LivingSocial deal online for Yoga classes ($65), but they were too far from my house. I got another LivingSocial deal for dance classes ($35) but had the same problem: too far from home, i.e., I was too lazy.
It's really about discipline. I don't start work until 3pm this coming week, so I'm going to do my yoga in the morning, darn it!
The part I really have to deal with is my attitude. The reason why I end up looking so plain is because there's a part of me that doesn't want to be bothered. I don't do it for myself, to treat myself with respect. It's about them, it's about men. That's why I don't maintain myself.
Don't I deserve to look beautiful? Can't I wear what I like and have fun with it, rather than watching the trends or wearing what everyone else else does? Can't I make friends with the woman in the mirror? I think that's what really needs to happen. :)
The makeover continues. *eg*
Oh. Have I mentioned this?
Probably not.
In preparing to look for a guy after WG ran off to be gay-gay-gay in 2009, I did about six months of work. I knew I preferred someone younger than me, preferably without kids (never wanted to be a mom). That meant I had to look and dress young.
Personally, I have a lot of confidence, at least in some respects. Maybe when I was a little girl my daddy told me over and over again how beautiful I was and it stuck. For whatever reason, no matter how I actually look, my inner attitude is "I feel pretty! Oh, so prettyyyy!"
So I had to do a reality check. Someone with chronic low self esteem would have to approach this differently.
Reality Check
I looked at myself in the mirror. I ignored the things that weren't likely to change (I'm never going to 5' 9", and without surgery my boobs are a B-cup and that's that) and concentrated on things I knew I could.
What I saw in the mirror was a surprise.
I looked ... boring? Me?
My hair was boring. I had a basic bob and looked like a school teacher.
I wore plain Jane glasses and not contacts.
I also saw that my clothes were boring. I wore head to toe black or I wore just a red T-shirt with a pair of plain ol' pants. I wore drab colors even: black, black, black, brown, black, beige, black, cream, with the occasional red.
I saw that I wore no make-up (at all). I didn't have very clear skin. I have rosecea on my cheeks and didn't use any make-up to even cover it. I had bushy, untidy eyebrows. My fingernails were long, but had snags and were unkempt.
I also saw that even though I was skinny, I wasn't as skinny as I imagined myself to be-? My legs were flabby, my upper arms sagged, and I had a bit of a belly.
My teeth were yellow, and little sparks of gray showed in my hair, adding to the school teacher effect.
I looked like a 40-year-old who didn't own a mirror.
I looked at my plus points, too. I have good bone structure, nice eyes, long eyelashes, and other than the yellow teeth and gray, my face looks younger than I am. I wasn't by any means flat-chested, and with a little exercise, I could tone up my body. I'm dainty and could play up the "tiny-cute." My nails naturally grew long, I just needed to take care of them.
And a boring wardrobe can always be changed. On my budget (at the time I had $50 to my name and only worked three days a week) it would have to be gradual.
Let The Makeover Begin
The makeovers we see in magazines and TV are done by a team of stylists with experience, knowledge of products and options -- not to mention someone else's budget. Real makeovers? Take time.
First thing I started dying my hair to look younger.
Knowing I'd never keep up with a monthly dye, I researched shampoos that dye your hair. I wanted something natural, and finally bought Aveda walnut shampoo that dyed my hair every time I washed it. This hasn't been ideal. The stuff is harsh and dries my hair, but there's a hair care system called "Wen" that my aunt uses -- her hair looks great -- (there's a cheaper version from Sally's Beauty Supply called Hair One), and maybe alternate with the Aveda. I've tried it and the results are amazing, yes, an informercial that doesn't lie, who know?
Second, my teeth, remove the tell-tale yellow of age.
I had some Crest white strips and I finally used them. That took years off of me.
Third, I cleaned up and painted my nails.
Way too much trouble! But I need to change some of my habits so over time I can retrain myself to take care of my nails. For now I'm just keeping them trimmed and the cuticles pulled back.
Fourth, I started researching ways to clear up my rosecea.
Bad skin gives that teen effect, right? Eh, maybe not. I settled on using coconut oil in the shower once my pores were open from the heat. (I've also used vitamin E oil.) I find it cheap at the Asian market. It works pretty well, but the main problem is my diet. I have to give up chocolate, or at least have it no more than once a week (wah). I'm told that having a vegan diet (at least four days out of seven) and regular exercise with help my skin. The rosecea appeared at a time I switched my diet and ate much less fruit, and a lot more spicy foods. I do like Indian vegetarian recipes, sigh.
My online research has told me that I have to treat my skin gently, always use sunscreen, moisturize, and be sure not to overheat or let cold chap my skin. My skin has improved just with the coconut oil. Next I have to moisturize more consistently, adjust my diet, and use sunscreen.
Fifth, I tried a new hair cut.
It was awful! My mom's friend actually laughed at me, ha. So I went to a hair stylist who cut it to a longer version of my usual bob. But for the last year I've been growing my hair long and I'm going to try again. I need to buy one of those hair style magazines and look for styles that might work on me.
Sixth, make-up. Bye-bye, plain Jane.
I hung out at drug stores and 7-11s (this was when I didn't have a car so I had to wait for a bus anyway) and got those awful fashion magazine. I checked out the make-up styles in the ads especially. I decided I like the new "extra long lashes" look and the simple lip gloss. Some of my outfits need a strong lip stick though. I hate how you can't try a lip color in the store any more. I find that when I wear blush, people think I'm more healthy and apparently I look really different, so I guess my skin tends to be sallow and colorless without it (except the parts with the rosecea).
Sixth, contacts.
As soon as I was working I went to an eye doctor and bought contacts. No more hiding behind glasses.
Seventh, my clothes.
In the same fashion mags I started checking what I liked. I got a notebook and wrote out a list of styles I liked. I decided to go for a "European" tweedy look.
I bought drape-y scarves from a kiosk at the mall. At $10-30 a scarf it was a cheap way to make even my boring black look European and interesting. I decided I liked the skinny jeans with long boots style, so I bought skinny jeans and then hunted online for months until I found a deal on boots (secondhand on Etsy.com). I tried a military thing, but it just didn't fly with my work. I also found an Eileen Fisher designer sweater in a secondhand shop and found I loved it. I don't wear anything that doesn't pass "the feel test." I run my hand over it, and if the fabric doesn't feel good, forget it, because it'll just hang in my closet.
Eileen Fisher mostly does plus sizes, but she has beautiful soft fabrics and great shapes. I've found her clothes cheap on Ebay.com and www.designerapparel.com. I don't need a lot of clothes, but the ones I have need to be high quality and last.
Once I got a boyfriend, I started getting lazy about my clothes and make-up again (oops). Part of that is that a boyfriend takes up so much time. I need to create new habits for when I'm busy so I continue to take care of myself.
I've culled my wardrobe and it's time to try a few new looks. I'd like to try a romantic, floaty, soft look, kind of a classic silk blouse (http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/catalog/prod.jhtml?itemId=prod123501296&ecid=NMALRFeedeL3W0LN_nyI&ci_src=14110925&ci_sku=T3AH8&CS_003=5630585). I also am trying COLORS. Gosh, seeing color is so refreshing after all that BLACK.
I've created a list of looks that I'm shopping for, rather than just buying disconnected pieces:
European Tweedy
Colors: earth tones
Fabrics: tweed, twill, textured, rayon
Shapes: Pashmina scarves ... sweaters ... fedora, trilby hats ... suspenders and blouses ... long skirts ... coulottes ... business tweed jackets ... oxfords, tall boots
Soft & Floaty
Colors: white, cream, pastels, beige, coral
Fabrics: silk, rayon, modal, mercerized cotton, rayon, chiffon, cashmere
Shapes: Loose tops with floaty skirts ... inset lace .. pintucks ... soft fabrics ... romantic tops with casual pants (jeans) ... soft cashmere ... fluffy sweaters ... strappy heels, ballet flats
Spunky Sporty
Colors: high contrast, teal and black, brown and white, red and white
Fabrics: fleece, stretch cotton, stretch fleece, basic cotton, bluejean fabric, microfibers and other high tech fabrics
Shapes: casual hoodies ... fitted tops with skinny jeans ... khakis ... stretch cotton Tees ... casual macrame jewelry ... hiking boots, Tevas, sneakers
BoHo Artist
Colors: patterns and prints
Fabrics: natural cottons, hemp, rayon
Shapes: long boho skirts ... loose tops ... gypsy jewelry ... my pashmina scarves ... tall boots, ballerina flats, oxfords
I find it's helpful when I get a new item to try it on in multiple outfits. I'm in the habit of pairing "top -- consider color, with pants -- consider color" and not really looking at how the shapes flow together, since how I've dressed has been so simple, shape wasn't much of an issue. In high school I put together outfits, but I did it in the morning, taking a ridiculous amount of time to get dressed.
Eighth, jewelry.
When I split with WG, I'd just begun to buy jewelry (he adored buying it for me), largely from sundancecatalog.com. In 2009 I learned to string beads and create my own bracelets out of semi-precious stones (I decided I didn't want any costume jewelry).
There's a chart. It's just as detailed as the style chart, but, well, buried in a notebook. *fingerwave*
I went through a phase where I spent waaaay too much on Ebay jewelry auctions, where I found some really nice stuff ... white sapphire, topaz, tiny emeralds and diamonds, garnets, rose quartz. I also found rings in my tiny size custom made on Etsy.com.
Lastly, getting in shape.
I haven't done much about this yet. I thought I'd try yoga, dancing, and swimming. I've worked on it in spurts, but nothing's really *worked*, you know? For a while I had to walk a lot because of not having a car, so I just loaded up a backpack with heavy stuff and that kept me more or less in shape. I parked my car far from my front door to try to get some exercise in (every little bit helped). I got a LivingSocial deal online for Yoga classes ($65), but they were too far from my house. I got another LivingSocial deal for dance classes ($35) but had the same problem: too far from home, i.e., I was too lazy.
It's really about discipline. I don't start work until 3pm this coming week, so I'm going to do my yoga in the morning, darn it!
The part I really have to deal with is my attitude. The reason why I end up looking so plain is because there's a part of me that doesn't want to be bothered. I don't do it for myself, to treat myself with respect. It's about them, it's about men. That's why I don't maintain myself.
Don't I deserve to look beautiful? Can't I wear what I like and have fun with it, rather than watching the trends or wearing what everyone else else does? Can't I make friends with the woman in the mirror? I think that's what really needs to happen. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-10-13 08:03 pm (UTC)But nails? I pay someone else to do that, because I totally fuck it up whenever I try. I get gel nails, pick gel polish and designs I can live with for 2-3 weeks, and have it done. (I have awful nails, which split into the quick if not protected; you don't, so maybe you could master nail care, but it doesn't sound like you like to do it.)
People think of getting their nails done as being a bigger luxury than haircuts and hair colouring but I really think it's not, although possibly the level of complexity I get in my manicures technically is (I currently have lace patterns on 8 of my nails and kitty cats on the other 2). You really can just get them shaped and polished; I get hard gel (and tips when I break one) in order to protect me, because my natural nails suck so much that typing, handwashing clothing, doing dishes and sewing and beading destroy them, and would get gel even if I didn't get art.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-16 10:49 pm (UTC)I stopped using the Aveda clover coloring shampoo because it was making my hair too frizzy ... and the gray's already back. Sigh. I may need to actually color it.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-14 06:48 am (UTC)Either way, it's a good idea to do them either just before an hour with a computer, or just before a long drive. Any other activity is likely to mess them up.
I have short nails, so typing is possible while they dry.
The key things for me are these.
1. File them weekly, never cut. Use a glass file.
2. I use Revlon base coat and top coat, with two layers of colour between.
This guy's site has many useful tips, although he's not infallible: http://www.waningmoon.com/nails/
no subject
Date: 2011-10-16 10:45 pm (UTC)I've been cutting them. (Oops.)