![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
How To Deal With A Predator
Jun. 12th, 2012 10:14 pmHow To Deal With A Predator
It's difficult for any organization to find a child predator in their midst. What do you do?
Obviously it happens, we've read about it in the news. It's happened at our temple, too.
Here's how to deal with it:
1 - If you're lucky, in rare cases, the predator will regret what they did and come forward themselves.
At our temple, the man's remorse and confession made finding out very simple. Jetsunma was called immediately when he confessed.
2 - In the case where there isn't a confession, the moment any information about possible abuse comes to light -- suspend the responsibilities of the person in question instantly until you know more, and investigate.
In our circumstance because of his confession, none of this was necessary.
If you don't have a confession and there is a suspected predator, the predator should not be allowed any contact with the child, either alone or in the presence of others. Bear in mind that children will often blame themselves, or be loyal and protect the person abusing them. Because a close tie may have formed, communication can be subtle. You will miss the cues. Do not allow any communication of any kind (including texts) until you've spoken with the child in a safe and secure environment, where they can speak to someone they trust. Remember, strange as this may sound, the child may trust the predator more than those trying to help.
3 - If the investigation proves abuse has occurred (and really, kids don't lie about this), remove the guilty party from any position of authority without delay.
In our situation, since we had a confession there was no need for an investigation. Jetsunma ordered the monk to give back his robes that very day.
4 - Require the person in question to turn themselves over to the police. Do not allow the abuser to be free another minute.
Jetsunma immediately instructed the monk turn himself in to child protective services and the police the day he confessed. He did as instructed. If he hadn't, we were prepared to send the police after him ourselves.
5 - Make a public announcement of what has occurred.
In our case, we did an announcement at all of our centers and on our website. Our communication to the temples and statement of zero tolerance of sexual abuse went out immediately. There was no delay.
The public announcement may be hard to do. It may hurt your church, synagogue, or temple. An ex-con who's been hounding our temple for the last four years, Bill Cassidy, and another stalker, Andrew Wilson, have seized on this man's actions to blame us. Yes, hiding what happened may temporarily protect the reputation of the church, and we have all heard of churches that have done so. But reputation doesn't matter when hiding it would allow the predator to go elsewhere later. The safety of the public comes first.
6 - Begin to rebuild the trust in the community. If the temple or church has been honest, aboveboard, and has taken swift action, confidence can be restored.
Delay breeds uncertainty and confusion. The situation is painful, but decisive action must be taken. We also brought in a professional psychotherapist pro bono to help temple members who felt deeply betrayed by their friend.
Palzang has been sentenced and will likely spend the rest of his life in jail.
Some say that sexual predators can't change. And sexual predators do have a high incidence of recidivism. But all human beings to have the capacity to change: that's what it means to be human.
There's a big difference between animals and humans. A cat's brain only has 300 million neurons and while a cat can think tactically, he can't help but be a predator. Humans however, have 10 billion neurons and a capacity for conscious change. Change is difficult when those neurons have hard-wired into them even little habits like biting your nails. But as you train yourself not to bite your nails, those neurons die out.
I knew the monk Palzang for many years. I often defended him from those who tried to use his past against him (he'd spent seven years in prison for molesting a 16-year-old before he was Buddhist). He spent fifteen years as a monk, and despite his history, I still believe in second chances.
What he did last year makes my blood run cold. He's earned that jail cell, sad to say, and now he will spend the rest of his life in prison.
But one can practice and change in prison. We have a prison program for just that reason.
Ani Rinchen, who runs the prison program, once said, "They're good guys. They've just done terrible things."
There's a kindness to her words, and an ability to separate the person from the crime. You can have compassion for the person, while taking hard decisive action on the crime. Maybe it takes ten billion neurons to be able to make that distinction.
It's difficult for any organization to find a child predator in their midst. What do you do?
Obviously it happens, we've read about it in the news. It's happened at our temple, too.
Here's how to deal with it:
1 - If you're lucky, in rare cases, the predator will regret what they did and come forward themselves.
At our temple, the man's remorse and confession made finding out very simple. Jetsunma was called immediately when he confessed.
2 - In the case where there isn't a confession, the moment any information about possible abuse comes to light -- suspend the responsibilities of the person in question instantly until you know more, and investigate.
In our circumstance because of his confession, none of this was necessary.
If you don't have a confession and there is a suspected predator, the predator should not be allowed any contact with the child, either alone or in the presence of others. Bear in mind that children will often blame themselves, or be loyal and protect the person abusing them. Because a close tie may have formed, communication can be subtle. You will miss the cues. Do not allow any communication of any kind (including texts) until you've spoken with the child in a safe and secure environment, where they can speak to someone they trust. Remember, strange as this may sound, the child may trust the predator more than those trying to help.
3 - If the investigation proves abuse has occurred (and really, kids don't lie about this), remove the guilty party from any position of authority without delay.
In our situation, since we had a confession there was no need for an investigation. Jetsunma ordered the monk to give back his robes that very day.
4 - Require the person in question to turn themselves over to the police. Do not allow the abuser to be free another minute.
Jetsunma immediately instructed the monk turn himself in to child protective services and the police the day he confessed. He did as instructed. If he hadn't, we were prepared to send the police after him ourselves.
5 - Make a public announcement of what has occurred.
In our case, we did an announcement at all of our centers and on our website. Our communication to the temples and statement of zero tolerance of sexual abuse went out immediately. There was no delay.
The public announcement may be hard to do. It may hurt your church, synagogue, or temple. An ex-con who's been hounding our temple for the last four years, Bill Cassidy, and another stalker, Andrew Wilson, have seized on this man's actions to blame us. Yes, hiding what happened may temporarily protect the reputation of the church, and we have all heard of churches that have done so. But reputation doesn't matter when hiding it would allow the predator to go elsewhere later. The safety of the public comes first.
6 - Begin to rebuild the trust in the community. If the temple or church has been honest, aboveboard, and has taken swift action, confidence can be restored.
Delay breeds uncertainty and confusion. The situation is painful, but decisive action must be taken. We also brought in a professional psychotherapist pro bono to help temple members who felt deeply betrayed by their friend.
Palzang has been sentenced and will likely spend the rest of his life in jail.
Some say that sexual predators can't change. And sexual predators do have a high incidence of recidivism. But all human beings to have the capacity to change: that's what it means to be human.
There's a big difference between animals and humans. A cat's brain only has 300 million neurons and while a cat can think tactically, he can't help but be a predator. Humans however, have 10 billion neurons and a capacity for conscious change. Change is difficult when those neurons have hard-wired into them even little habits like biting your nails. But as you train yourself not to bite your nails, those neurons die out.
I knew the monk Palzang for many years. I often defended him from those who tried to use his past against him (he'd spent seven years in prison for molesting a 16-year-old before he was Buddhist). He spent fifteen years as a monk, and despite his history, I still believe in second chances.
What he did last year makes my blood run cold. He's earned that jail cell, sad to say, and now he will spend the rest of his life in prison.
But one can practice and change in prison. We have a prison program for just that reason.
Ani Rinchen, who runs the prison program, once said, "They're good guys. They've just done terrible things."
There's a kindness to her words, and an ability to separate the person from the crime. You can have compassion for the person, while taking hard decisive action on the crime. Maybe it takes ten billion neurons to be able to make that distinction.
