*glug* *glug* *glug*

[icarus]

I'm falling apart now.

I have two essays due today. One is due in two hours and I couldn't do it. I've tried since yesterday... I'm just spent. I haven't even started. I don't even have a clue what I'm going to write about.

The other's due tonight (and it's already late).

I had my second all-day ESL conference on Saturday. It's more prep than I can do for my tutoring. I am completely fried from this conference. Lots of activities and group involvement. I'm surprised they didn't have us juggling. At the end the teacher hovered over my shoulder and I sent her to someone else. We were supposed to design an ESL lesson plan on the spot during class, just to give you an idea of the intensity: I told my group that I'm taking 17 credits and I'm completely, utterly fried. My group partner sad: "17 credits? That's not possible."

My HIS 210 group met on Sunday, but I couldn't go. Just... couldn't.

The Percy Ficathon has one more week. No, I haven't even started my story. Fuck.

The Percy Ficathon site continues on apace. I have the templates from singtoangels but haven't had time to look up the names of the coders to send them out.

The Icarus Slash Fiction site looks lovely, but I've run out of brainpower for it.

I have reading to do that's... not done. I did get the reading done for two classes. I've barely scratched the surface on my research paper. I should be much further along.

On the other hand, the original fiction is moving out the door (thank god something got finished).

Squabbling over hp_dungeons, I can check that off my list.

Emailing the people from Nitartha about their damned books that I need to mail back to them: check. Emailing jerk at Nitartha who tried to tell me what do with my life: check.

Talked to the landlady about the damned laundry that wildernessguru left downstairs for days, and got it back: check.

Now, just when I'm struggling with my courseload, wildernessguru is putting on the brakes with the housework. Wants me to cook more, help out more.

He has no responsibilities right now. Not even one. But he can't help me out.

ETA: On the plus side, I have a really fuzzy, cute kitty asleep on the couch next to me. He's getting fat, but that just makes him fluffier.

Comments

[gmth.livejournal.com]

Your husband/home life sounds a lot like my husband/home life of five years ago or so.

This is why I'm divorced now.

[cheshyre]

Mine too, though I'm still with the man.
Has wildernessguru been tested for depression?
Now that my husband's depression is being effectively treated, he's able to accomplish so much more.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I've been really wondering if he has depression. He insists that he feels fine, but I'm worried. He has many of the signs: sleeping a lot, down on himself, unable to get motivated, sees the bad side of everything; he doesn't turn to alcohol, but he does have an emotional crutch he leans on. He doesn't get out at all, he's not hiking like he used to.

My going to school bums him out because he doesn't feel like he's accomplishing anything with his life. He's had few blows recently. He brought up the subject of marriage and I said no. His best friends have talked about moving nearby and he got his hopes up. He just found out that it's not happening. He turned in a professional skiier who was using his Pro discount to undercut a dealer, and the dealer gave away that WG was the one who blew the whistle. Now he's taking shit for it and there's a lot of nasty gossip behind his back. This was one of the few arenas that were going well in his life. He talked to the dealer, "I did the right thing here, and look what you did" --and they were very apologetic and gave him a lifetime discount. But he doesn't buy their stuff, he was just doing the right thing.

Also, his dad's been treated for severe depression.

Yeah, I think he is depressed, but there's no way in hell you'll ever get him on drugs. Trust me on this: it's not a minor belief of his. He'll swallow rat poison first. What works for him is the endorphins of getting out in the woods and exercise. It's just a matter of getting him out the door. *sigh*

Icarus

[ursula]

Well, good old-fashioned talking-to-someone therapy does still exist.

Of course, it's probably more expensive.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's too rich for my blood. Especially since he always seeks out the best of everything and wouldn't be content with a two-bit sliding scale, just-got-out-of-school-and-building-up-my-practice doc.

Icarus

[ursula]

Or anything he could get by virtue of being unemployed, alas . . .

[cheshyre]

Ouch.

First of all, I hope you don't mind but I forwarded this post to my husband to see whether he has any suggestions.

Second, clinical depression (as opposed to situational depression) *is* a chemical imbalance in the brain, which is where medications can help.

Third, somebody else mentioned talk therapy, which is expensive, but you might want to see if there are any group therapy groups he could join -- it's a bit cheaper, and it can be a tremendous help just to know that he isn't alone in what he's going thru.

Fourth, if you want to start up some sort of online support group for partners of depressed men, I wouldn't be averse to joining.

Finally (for now), in your copious free time, you might want to look for the book I don't want to talk about it: overcoming the secret legacy of male depression. It may be worth reading in helping you understand and possibly get thru to him.

Good luck.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I also don't believe in medications unless the situation is very extreme.

My idea of extreme: a have a family member who suffers from schizophrenia. If he does not take his meds, he's likely to walk in front of a train believing it will pass right through him, and he hallucinates demons in the closet.

That is a situation that needs medication.

Even then, there's a real downside to the medication. The other effects (I refuse to use euphemisms to downplay these effects) are awful. They dull his mind out so that this brilliant young man, who's an outstanding student with a fine grasp of the abstract (he's been compared to Linus) can barely focus and is sluggish all the time. He can't concentrate well and sleeps all the time. He's treated as if he's retarded because he speaks slowly and is slow to follow directions because of the medication.

The one that works better for him is addictive. The long-term effects of another of his drugs is a persistent facial tic. Then there's the long-term liver damage. Better than stepping in front of a train. But if you can avoid the medications altogether I would.

About ten years ago, someone attempted to alleviate some situational depression with Zoloft, with horrible results. Holy cow. That drug works by hyping up your system so that you are unable to concentrate on anything, good or bad. Like pouring champagne in your bloodstream.

My answer: flussssssh entire prescription down the toilet. Remove self from intolerable situation. Problem solved.

I know a woman who was given Zoloft for PMS for Christ's sakes.

Every ten years or so the medical profession gets excited about a medication, over-prescribes it, abuses it, and then finds out later what the serious effects are. In the early 60's the 'miracle drug' was cocaine. The mid-60's it was valium. Morphine was another one. They've over-prescribed antibiotics and now there're are resistant strains of virus' with no antibiotic to cure them. I sense that same feeling of cure-all excitement over anti-depressants and veer away.

Now, another friend of mine has real depression to the extent that my family member has schizophrenia. They've tried everything from lithium to you name it. Of course he's on anti-depressants.

I've seen real depression in action, that's why I recognise the symptoms. What WG has is pretty mild.

I'm not going to get into an argument about this. Honest, I don't have the energy or time.

But as far as I'm concerned, medication is a method of last resort, like amputating an arm. WG feels the same way.

Icarus

[ursula]

Your response to Zoloft sounds, er, idiosyncratic. I've had friends on Zoloft for whom it seemed to be the difference between freaking out over little things and being able to look at the big picture-- the brain-chemical equivalent of skipping breakfast vs. not skipping breakfast.

But then anyone's response to mind-altering chemicals is going to be idiosyncratic. Makes generalization either way dangerous.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I loathe drugs in any way, shape or form.

I'm in a cruddy, over-stressed mood and arguing with my feelings about drugs at this moment is a good way to find out the breadth and scope of my knowledge of profanity.

Icarus

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Hi, I'm Cheshyre's husband.

Sounds like he's depressed. This level of depression doesn't go away without drugs. I've got nothing useful to say about this, except that this won't go away without drugs, so, if he's not willing to go on them, it's going to be like this for his entire life, so you have to decide if you want to be with him like this, long-term.

There are some people who can synthesize some of the drugs they need off of B-vitamins. A certain percentage of seriously depressed people take B-12 suppliments and that kicks them out of it. Short-term, some of the chemicals in chocolate mimic some of the seratonin and dopamine drugs. So B-12 suppliments and chocolate sometimes can treat people who won't take drugs. Not like B-12 suppliments and chocolate aren't drugs, but, whatever.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Hi. Thanks for the intention. I don't think depression can be diagnosed online.

This is a little like the case of the seven blind men with the elephant. The one at the ear said he had a fan. The one at the trunk said he had a snake. The one at the tail said he had fly-whisk. The one at the side said it was a wall. And so on. Not a single one could tell it was an elephant. You don't know the whole picture so can't say one way or the other.

It's natural for people to project their own situations onto other people.

Icarus