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Aug. 2nd, 2004 08:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icarusFound in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wikdsushi's journal.
No Pity, No Shame, No Silence.misia's friend was raped, and she's suggested people come forward to show her how they survived.
I am not a survivor of rape. I'm a survivor of child molestation, which is somewhat different.(And one reason the chanfic Little Boy Blue was easy to write from the child's point of view.)
Children are too innocent, or at least some are, to require force. It is often not violent but rather a betrayal of trust. Often they are lured: with candy, or favours, or a dog or cat.
But usually, it's someone they know and trust.
The "pervert in the park" is the smaller proportion of child-molesters. More commonly it is step-parents, or step-brothers, or an "uncle" who's really mom's boyfriend, or neighbours, or a regular babysitter, or a friend of the family. It's common for alcohol or drugs to be involved, and there's a difference between serial child-molesters and those random crimes of opportunity. The ones who make a habit of it are the ones who are caught. The random ones almost never are, because children don't tell.
Both the serial child molesters and the random ones have this in common: they don't see the child as a child. They become close enough to the kid as an individual (or in the case of the Michael Jackson types, are immature enough) that they see the kid as a person, capable of handling themselves as an adult.
Don't look at me strangely. Kids in that 9-12 year-old range are often articulate little people, with a lot of clearly voiced opinions. (Read the Michael Jackson transcripts. He is a classic serial child molester. He treats kids as equals, which is very appealing to a kid, and he does not understand that kids at that age do not have the voice to say no.)
I don't know how to prevent it. Teach children to distrust everyone? Yes, you should definitely teach them about sex earlier than you think. You should definitely teach them that there are certain ways of touching that they can and should say no to, no matter who it is.
The main thing is, kids at that age are hemmed in, surrounded by authority figures. Your parents tell you when to go to bed. Your teachers call on you in school, or give you permission even to go to the bathroom. The habit of obedience to those in authority whom you trust (important point) becomes ingrained.
I think what's most important is to nurture your kids' independence, even if the results are occasionally annoying. Then there's a chance when that trusted person tells them to do something strange, the kid feels they have a right to weigh it - and say no. Child molestation is usually not violent rape, but luring. Since these people want a willing participant, "no" very often will be enough.
wikdsushi's journal. No Pity, No Shame, No Silence.
misia's friend was raped, and she's suggested people come forward to show her how they survived.I am not a survivor of rape. I'm a survivor of child molestation, which is somewhat different.(And one reason the chanfic Little Boy Blue was easy to write from the child's point of view.)
Children are too innocent, or at least some are, to require force. It is often not violent but rather a betrayal of trust. Often they are lured: with candy, or favours, or a dog or cat.
But usually, it's someone they know and trust.
The "pervert in the park" is the smaller proportion of child-molesters. More commonly it is step-parents, or step-brothers, or an "uncle" who's really mom's boyfriend, or neighbours, or a regular babysitter, or a friend of the family. It's common for alcohol or drugs to be involved, and there's a difference between serial child-molesters and those random crimes of opportunity. The ones who make a habit of it are the ones who are caught. The random ones almost never are, because children don't tell.
Both the serial child molesters and the random ones have this in common: they don't see the child as a child. They become close enough to the kid as an individual (or in the case of the Michael Jackson types, are immature enough) that they see the kid as a person, capable of handling themselves as an adult.
Don't look at me strangely. Kids in that 9-12 year-old range are often articulate little people, with a lot of clearly voiced opinions. (Read the Michael Jackson transcripts. He is a classic serial child molester. He treats kids as equals, which is very appealing to a kid, and he does not understand that kids at that age do not have the voice to say no.)
I don't know how to prevent it. Teach children to distrust everyone? Yes, you should definitely teach them about sex earlier than you think. You should definitely teach them that there are certain ways of touching that they can and should say no to, no matter who it is.
The main thing is, kids at that age are hemmed in, surrounded by authority figures. Your parents tell you when to go to bed. Your teachers call on you in school, or give you permission even to go to the bathroom. The habit of obedience to those in authority whom you trust (important point) becomes ingrained.
I think what's most important is to nurture your kids' independence, even if the results are occasionally annoying. Then there's a chance when that trusted person tells them to do something strange, the kid feels they have a right to weigh it - and say no. Child molestation is usually not violent rape, but luring. Since these people want a willing participant, "no" very often will be enough.
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Date: 2004-08-03 07:21 am (UTC)(I know of one excellent childrens book, "The little and the big No". Basically it shows classic situations: adults asking wether they might sit beside you/kiss you on the cheek and ignoring the timid "no", teenagers asking whether they may have some of your candy and ignoring the timid "no". The child in question endures that for a while, but then get's angry, stomps, says "no" loudly: the big No. People look a bit affronted, but leave the child in peace. Important: there's a note for the teachers/parents to tell their kid that sometimes the "big No" won't be enough, and then they have to seek help: teachers, parents, people whom they trust.)
Those are little things, but I think they are decisive. You can't teach a child to not "speak up to grown-ups" for 10 years, and then expect it to break through that.
Interestingly, you are right about the "no" very often being enough. Some elder teenager fromt the neighbourhood tried to use me for heavy snogging when I was about 6 or so, and after I pushed him away for a couple of times he gave up on it. I bear some after-effects, most noticeable that I'm unusually agressive and kept the annoying habit of speaking my mind when it'd be so much less complicated not to speak up.
(And I feel terribly uneasy about chan fan fiction, but I don't confuse that with "nobody should ever write it because it worries me". Well, it's another story.)