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Aug. 2nd, 2004 08:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
icarusFound in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wikdsushi's journal.
No Pity, No Shame, No Silence.misia's friend was raped, and she's suggested people come forward to show her how they survived.
I am not a survivor of rape. I'm a survivor of child molestation, which is somewhat different.(And one reason the chanfic Little Boy Blue was easy to write from the child's point of view.)
Children are too innocent, or at least some are, to require force. It is often not violent but rather a betrayal of trust. Often they are lured: with candy, or favours, or a dog or cat.
But usually, it's someone they know and trust.
The "pervert in the park" is the smaller proportion of child-molesters. More commonly it is step-parents, or step-brothers, or an "uncle" who's really mom's boyfriend, or neighbours, or a regular babysitter, or a friend of the family. It's common for alcohol or drugs to be involved, and there's a difference between serial child-molesters and those random crimes of opportunity. The ones who make a habit of it are the ones who are caught. The random ones almost never are, because children don't tell.
Both the serial child molesters and the random ones have this in common: they don't see the child as a child. They become close enough to the kid as an individual (or in the case of the Michael Jackson types, are immature enough) that they see the kid as a person, capable of handling themselves as an adult.
Don't look at me strangely. Kids in that 9-12 year-old range are often articulate little people, with a lot of clearly voiced opinions. (Read the Michael Jackson transcripts. He is a classic serial child molester. He treats kids as equals, which is very appealing to a kid, and he does not understand that kids at that age do not have the voice to say no.)
I don't know how to prevent it. Teach children to distrust everyone? Yes, you should definitely teach them about sex earlier than you think. You should definitely teach them that there are certain ways of touching that they can and should say no to, no matter who it is.
The main thing is, kids at that age are hemmed in, surrounded by authority figures. Your parents tell you when to go to bed. Your teachers call on you in school, or give you permission even to go to the bathroom. The habit of obedience to those in authority whom you trust (important point) becomes ingrained.
I think what's most important is to nurture your kids' independence, even if the results are occasionally annoying. Then there's a chance when that trusted person tells them to do something strange, the kid feels they have a right to weigh it - and say no. Child molestation is usually not violent rape, but luring. Since these people want a willing participant, "no" very often will be enough.
wikdsushi's journal. No Pity, No Shame, No Silence.
misia's friend was raped, and she's suggested people come forward to show her how they survived.I am not a survivor of rape. I'm a survivor of child molestation, which is somewhat different.(And one reason the chanfic Little Boy Blue was easy to write from the child's point of view.)
Children are too innocent, or at least some are, to require force. It is often not violent but rather a betrayal of trust. Often they are lured: with candy, or favours, or a dog or cat.
But usually, it's someone they know and trust.
The "pervert in the park" is the smaller proportion of child-molesters. More commonly it is step-parents, or step-brothers, or an "uncle" who's really mom's boyfriend, or neighbours, or a regular babysitter, or a friend of the family. It's common for alcohol or drugs to be involved, and there's a difference between serial child-molesters and those random crimes of opportunity. The ones who make a habit of it are the ones who are caught. The random ones almost never are, because children don't tell.
Both the serial child molesters and the random ones have this in common: they don't see the child as a child. They become close enough to the kid as an individual (or in the case of the Michael Jackson types, are immature enough) that they see the kid as a person, capable of handling themselves as an adult.
Don't look at me strangely. Kids in that 9-12 year-old range are often articulate little people, with a lot of clearly voiced opinions. (Read the Michael Jackson transcripts. He is a classic serial child molester. He treats kids as equals, which is very appealing to a kid, and he does not understand that kids at that age do not have the voice to say no.)
I don't know how to prevent it. Teach children to distrust everyone? Yes, you should definitely teach them about sex earlier than you think. You should definitely teach them that there are certain ways of touching that they can and should say no to, no matter who it is.
The main thing is, kids at that age are hemmed in, surrounded by authority figures. Your parents tell you when to go to bed. Your teachers call on you in school, or give you permission even to go to the bathroom. The habit of obedience to those in authority whom you trust (important point) becomes ingrained.
I think what's most important is to nurture your kids' independence, even if the results are occasionally annoying. Then there's a chance when that trusted person tells them to do something strange, the kid feels they have a right to weigh it - and say no. Child molestation is usually not violent rape, but luring. Since these people want a willing participant, "no" very often will be enough.
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no subject
Date: 2004-08-03 10:14 am (UTC)For all parents out there, keep an eye out for those problems, it has made it really hard to cope with real life and sometimes I find it hard to stay in reality.
This morning I woke up convinced I was Severus Snape. I think it may have been because I was stuck in the dream I had lastnight. Anyway, I gotta run before you all think I'm really crazy.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-03 07:37 pm (UTC)There are a lot of factors in this, I think it's really situational. Abuse that occurs at really early ages is hazy because kids memories are hazy at that age. Then there's a big difference between ongoing abuse that a kid needs to escape, and abuse that's an abberation, so stands out in stark relief from a relatively well cared-for childhood.
This is rather a sensitive issue, because kids get accused of "not remembering" or having "false memory syndrome" when they remember darned well what happened.