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icarusSix months ago I told ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
epicyclical (I think it was her, either that or she replied to it in someone else's journal) that I clicked on a something called 'Fandom Wank' from a link in someone's journal once, blinked at it, "who are these people and why do I care?" and hit the Back button thinking "that's three seconds of my life I'll never get back." (And if I've ever been on this thing don't tell me because I honestly don't know and like it that way.)
Well, I heard about a wank-thing in someone else's journal and... okay, I clicked for the hot icon, but I did try to read it because I realised I knew both parties.
I see why people do this wank stuff. It's rubber-necking. A little like a car crash in slow motion. The argument developes from it's petty origins, veers out of control, wipes out several other cars (as people choose up sides) and then crosses into on-coming traffic. It's horrific, yet there's something amazing about the amount of damage just talking on ones cell-phone (or a livejournal) can do. Mere words.
But after about three or four comments, I felt a little ill with the mean-spiritedness. I showed it towildernessguru and he got depressed -- and he didn't even know the people. "Why did you show me that?" he asked. I looked for the bottom line of the argument, and it was simple and rather petty. Nothing you could bring into a court of law, just a matter of opinion, though I suppose a case for defamation in the aftermath could be made if you worked really hard at it. A lawyer once told me that companies don't get in trouble for what they do, that's usually fairly simple. But the weird things they do to deal with it is where they cross the line into illegal territory.
So I propose a Wank Survival Kit.
Airbags and good Anti-lock breaks.
If a simple discussion starts to skid, the ability to stop and the use of some patience can keep the car from wiping out others.sparrohawk once said, "If you just leave it alone, it'll usually go away." Always remember the original argument and who the original argument was with -- it was rather small, n'est pas? Just a matter of opinion?
Emergency food supply and blankets.
When feelings are hurt it is best to tend to the injured right away. The temptation is to start to blame and choose up sides to retaliate. Instead, send private emails to friends, and chat in Y!M, etc. There is no wank a good vat of Haagen Dazs can't solve.
Walk away from the scene of the accident.
While I would never recommend this for a real accident if you have a ten-car pile-up in Wankdom, it's best not to stand around watching. This takes iron control. But a few things can help:
- never read other people's wanks. (Don't get in the habit.)
- never throw your own opinion in the fray of other people's wanks. (It is addictive.)
- don't bookmark wankfest sites. (If you don't know where the action is, so much the better -- you won't know where to look when it's you.)
- don't check the LJs of the "offending parties." (Be generous. Give them their time to vent.)
It might take a time out from fandom or week out of LiveJournal to be able to do this, give yourself some time to cool off. In fact, I have a wonderful idea: write a story!
Consult with your inner attorney.
Once you've finished your third vat of Haagen Dazs, have spoken with some supportive friends who've told you everything you want to hear and are feeling better... try to examine your own part in the matter. Now don't blame yourself. We're all only human. But how could this have been prevented? Examine:
- what was was the original argument again?
- why was I so upset about something so absurd?
- did it tie in to some other deeper issues that I can use this help me?
This is a private process and good mental health. Learn from it. Then take steps to ensure that it doesn't happen to you again.
Dispute resolution.
This takes tact and class - and guts - but if mature parties are involved, a simple private email to the original person can go a long way to resolving a problem. And you might either emerge with a friend or at least develop a new-found respect for the other person. (Icarus nods tospare_change.)
epicyclical (I think it was her, either that or she replied to it in someone else's journal) that I clicked on a something called 'Fandom Wank' from a link in someone's journal once, blinked at it, "who are these people and why do I care?" and hit the Back button thinking "that's three seconds of my life I'll never get back." (And if I've ever been on this thing don't tell me because I honestly don't know and like it that way.)Well, I heard about a wank-thing in someone else's journal and... okay, I clicked for the hot icon, but I did try to read it because I realised I knew both parties.
I see why people do this wank stuff. It's rubber-necking. A little like a car crash in slow motion. The argument developes from it's petty origins, veers out of control, wipes out several other cars (as people choose up sides) and then crosses into on-coming traffic. It's horrific, yet there's something amazing about the amount of damage just talking on ones cell-phone (or a livejournal) can do. Mere words.
But after about three or four comments, I felt a little ill with the mean-spiritedness. I showed it to
wildernessguru and he got depressed -- and he didn't even know the people. "Why did you show me that?" he asked. I looked for the bottom line of the argument, and it was simple and rather petty. Nothing you could bring into a court of law, just a matter of opinion, though I suppose a case for defamation in the aftermath could be made if you worked really hard at it. A lawyer once told me that companies don't get in trouble for what they do, that's usually fairly simple. But the weird things they do to deal with it is where they cross the line into illegal territory.So I propose a Wank Survival Kit.
Airbags and good Anti-lock breaks.
If a simple discussion starts to skid, the ability to stop and the use of some patience can keep the car from wiping out others.
sparrohawk once said, "If you just leave it alone, it'll usually go away." Always remember the original argument and who the original argument was with -- it was rather small, n'est pas? Just a matter of opinion?Emergency food supply and blankets.
When feelings are hurt it is best to tend to the injured right away. The temptation is to start to blame and choose up sides to retaliate. Instead, send private emails to friends, and chat in Y!M, etc. There is no wank a good vat of Haagen Dazs can't solve.
Walk away from the scene of the accident.
While I would never recommend this for a real accident if you have a ten-car pile-up in Wankdom, it's best not to stand around watching. This takes iron control. But a few things can help:
- never read other people's wanks. (Don't get in the habit.)
- never throw your own opinion in the fray of other people's wanks. (It is addictive.)
- don't bookmark wankfest sites. (If you don't know where the action is, so much the better -- you won't know where to look when it's you.)
- don't check the LJs of the "offending parties." (Be generous. Give them their time to vent.)
It might take a time out from fandom or week out of LiveJournal to be able to do this, give yourself some time to cool off. In fact, I have a wonderful idea: write a story!
Consult with your inner attorney.
Once you've finished your third vat of Haagen Dazs, have spoken with some supportive friends who've told you everything you want to hear and are feeling better... try to examine your own part in the matter. Now don't blame yourself. We're all only human. But how could this have been prevented? Examine:
- what was was the original argument again?
- why was I so upset about something so absurd?
- did it tie in to some other deeper issues that I can use this help me?
This is a private process and good mental health. Learn from it. Then take steps to ensure that it doesn't happen to you again.
Dispute resolution.
This takes tact and class - and guts - but if mature parties are involved, a simple private email to the original person can go a long way to resolving a problem. And you might either emerge with a friend or at least develop a new-found respect for the other person. (Icarus nods to
spare_change.)
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-30 02:23 pm (UTC)I think WG and I would get along evilly, b/c I do spend a lot of time laughing at other people. Then again, I try to take a pretty cavalier attitude to being laughed at, cause, well pot = kettle and all that jazz. Plus, we're all kinda wanky quite a lot of the time, and I find that very comforting, because I do dumb things constantly. And I laugh at myself for screwing up just as easily as I laugh at others, perhaps more easily. (I'm think of having "Nat, you fucktard" tattooed on my palm so it'll be handily accessible to my face.)
The point of f_w really is equality of mockery, b/c yes, everyone is a target. I've been wanked internally a couple of times b/c I was being wanky. Everyone from newbies to f_w legends is up for grabs and "point, laugh, move on" is the order of the day.
Re: the conflict between yours and
However, "behind someone's back" also implies that we try to hide mockery, and we don't. It's all open and unlocked, and anyone who wants to come and discuss the issue is free to do so. Whinging, threatening, and senseless arguing of the original point is generally useless b/c it leads to more mockery, but if you're willing to discuss the issue rationally, so are (most) of us. Yes, we have asshats, but that's inevitable, I'm afraid.
Anyway, this post wasn't really intended to be this long, but that's the generally stated philsophy of f-w. It's something few people there take seriously, and we don't expect people to take us seriously, though god knows they do. It's petty and perverse, but at least it's fairly well-regulated perversity; just another social outlet, with its good and bad sides. I respect your not wishing to be a part of it, and your lack of understanding of the appeal. It would be a better world if people didn't laugh at each other, but it would also be a better world if they didn't take themselves so damn seriously either, IMHO.
*All opinions belong only to me and not to anyone else on f_w or otherwise*