Fandom Wank - I actually read one for the first time

[icarus]

Six months ago I told epicyclical (I think it was her, either that or she replied to it in someone else's journal) that I clicked on a something called 'Fandom Wank' from a link in someone's journal once, blinked at it, "who are these people and why do I care?" and hit the Back button thinking "that's three seconds of my life I'll never get back." (And if I've ever been on this thing don't tell me because I honestly don't know and like it that way.)

Well, I heard about a wank-thing in someone else's journal and... okay, I clicked for the hot icon, but I did try to read it because I realised I knew both parties.

I see why people do this wank stuff. It's rubber-necking. A little like a car crash in slow motion. The argument developes from it's petty origins, veers out of control, wipes out several other cars (as people choose up sides) and then crosses into on-coming traffic. It's horrific, yet there's something amazing about the amount of damage just talking on ones cell-phone (or a livejournal) can do. Mere words.

But after about three or four comments, I felt a little ill with the mean-spiritedness. I showed it to wildernessguru and he got depressed -- and he didn't even know the people. "Why did you show me that?" he asked. I looked for the bottom line of the argument, and it was simple and rather petty. Nothing you could bring into a court of law, just a matter of opinion, though I suppose a case for defamation in the aftermath could be made if you worked really hard at it. A lawyer once told me that companies don't get in trouble for what they do, that's usually fairly simple. But the weird things they do to deal with it is where they cross the line into illegal territory.

So I propose a Wank Survival Kit.

Airbags and good Anti-lock breaks.

If a simple discussion starts to skid, the ability to stop and the use of some patience can keep the car from wiping out others. sparrohawk once said, "If you just leave it alone, it'll usually go away." Always remember the original argument and who the original argument was with -- it was rather small, n'est pas? Just a matter of opinion?

Emergency food supply and blankets.

When feelings are hurt it is best to tend to the injured right away. The temptation is to start to blame and choose up sides to retaliate. Instead, send private emails to friends, and chat in Y!M, etc. There is no wank a good vat of Haagen Dazs can't solve.

Walk away from the scene of the accident.

While I would never recommend this for a real accident if you have a ten-car pile-up in Wankdom, it's best not to stand around watching. This takes iron control. But a few things can help:

- never read other people's wanks. (Don't get in the habit.)
- never throw your own opinion in the fray of other people's wanks. (It is addictive.)
- don't bookmark wankfest sites. (If you don't know where the action is, so much the better -- you won't know where to look when it's you.)
- don't check the LJs of the "offending parties." (Be generous. Give them their time to vent.)

It might take a time out from fandom or week out of LiveJournal to be able to do this, give yourself some time to cool off. In fact, I have a wonderful idea: write a story!

Consult with your inner attorney.

Once you've finished your third vat of Haagen Dazs, have spoken with some supportive friends who've told you everything you want to hear and are feeling better... try to examine your own part in the matter. Now don't blame yourself. We're all only human. But how could this have been prevented? Examine:

- what was was the original argument again?
- why was I so upset about something so absurd?
- did it tie in to some other deeper issues that I can use this help me?

This is a private process and good mental health. Learn from it. Then take steps to ensure that it doesn't happen to you again.

Dispute resolution.

This takes tact and class - and guts - but if mature parties are involved, a simple private email to the original person can go a long way to resolving a problem. And you might either emerge with a friend or at least develop a new-found respect for the other person. (Icarus nods to spare_change.)

Comments

[fiendling.livejournal.com]

woo, thanks for this :P
i tend to stay out of all wanks, but i always know someone involved, and it always gets out of control. argggh *shakes fist*

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

*wheels squeal, sound of breaking glass.* Yep.

Icarus

[scribbulus-ink.livejournal.com]

In fact, I have a wonderful idea: write a story!

Exactly. I look at it this way: I could read and respond to the wank, or write a rant in my journal about things that piss me off, or spout off my pet peeves like they're going to change the tide of fandom -- all of which will have blown over and been forgotten in a week's time anyway -- or I could write smut. And smut wins every time.

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

I like that the high road is paved with smut! :)

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Absoutely.

Did JKR invent Quidditch after a fight with her boyfriend? Hmm. Angry Quidditch smut. It's been done before. It's cliche. But oh, still satisfying.

*Icarus waggles eyebrows*

[kijikun.livejournal.com]

We don't do it to be mean spirted really. (okay so do). It's more...of an tran-wreck like amusment of what some people do in fandom. Yea grudge wanks happen but not often.

Plus most of the post get into icon love and werid tangests and Monty Python and such. It's never really intend for the people that are wanked to find the place. There are rules about linking back to the op.

[lyricalnights.livejournal.com]

Exactly. For me, honestly, it's a way to exorcise my vast amounts of pettiness and evil thoughts w/o dragging it into LJ, where it isn't wanted or needed. I point and laugh, but I don't expect it to have any lasting effect, and very few people there do.

Plus, many amusing rambles of icon love and randomness.

However, to each his/her own, and Icarus's rules are a good plan for avoiding wank should that be your choice.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well gossip keeps the Soap Opera industry alive and everyone watches Formula One racing for the brutal car crashes. But it makes me wince.

It's never really intend for the people that are wanked to find the place.

So it's intended to be behind people's backs.

There are rules about linking back to the op.

What's an "op"?


Icarus

[ellensmithee.livejournal.com]

Amen to that!

I'm going to hide out in PotC fandom for a few days until it all blows over.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Amen to that!

You said it, sista'! Testify! *Strikes up the Gospel chorus.*

Icarus

[gmth.livejournal.com]

Please don't take this the wrong way. This is the fourth or fifth message on my friends list that has offered similar advice. I just have to say that even those of us who sometimes get mixed up in wank do follow these guidelines 99% of the time. It's the other 1% that kills you, and usually then because you are taken totally by surprise.

Shit happens. And then you have to deal with it.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Gina, you're an old hand at fandom. I wasn't talking to anyone in particular, but gathering together what I've learned over the last few months. It is a pretty hot topic though, so I expect it'll pop up several more times before it blows itself out. Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't people say these things every time there's a kerfluffle? I think the other tune is "wank is bad, do not wank" and the third is "well my opinion on this and such author is..."

Do-see-do, turn your partner and promenade....

Have you seen the latest Percy ficathon piece? Steamy.

Icarus

[wenelda.livejournal.com]

Difficult, painful lessons to learn. I was such a snarling little bitch in the last wank I was involved in (found out I've been on fandom_wank twice). I've given up. I know I get angry too easily and I don't present my points well, so I'm opting for the "avoid wanks at all costs" option. It's just not worth the trouble.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I'm blissfully ignorant of whether or not I've ever been wanked. No one, when they're in the middle of a fight, is at their shiney best.

Actually, the person I'm really impressed with is isolde9. She has exceptional "breaking" ability. :)

Icarus

[loup_noir]

I so agree with you. I followed a link to the original fandom wank journal and was horrified. When I asked some one about it, I was told that it was "for fun." I never got what was fun about it, especially since the person being skewered wasn't able to defend herself.

I find the whole thing cowardly and cruel.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I find the whole thing cowardly and cruel.

I feel the same. My boyfriend is the sort who rips people behind their backs all the time. Sometimes his observations are startling and amusing, sometimes I just can't stand it and say enough. Typical day with WG:

Driving down the road. WG points to man watering the median. "Look at him. He's watering weeds! Typical government employee." and "Oh check out that attractive cow-print seatcover. Yee-haw, where can I get one just like it?"

There's just this particular mindset that points fingers at other people. But the same people are always so sensitive about the same flaws in themselves.

Icarus

Beware: not worksafe icon.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

On the other hand, coming down squarely against vicious slander is sort of an easy call. LOL. Yes, and I'm against drowning kittens, too.

I haven't taken the time to do that additional drawing of WG's turgid cock, so here's a little something to tide you over. *points to icon.*

Icarus

[iibnf.livejournal.com]

I deal with fandom flare ups by not giving a shit.

I deal with FW by being friends only and filtering off the wankers.

A few years ago, I would never have believed that such behaviour would have been tolerated by fans. As another friend said, though, it's one easy way to see who are the 'undesirables' in fandom.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I deal with fandom flare ups by not giving a shit.

*Icarus bursts out laughing.* Yeah. That's about right.

I deal with FW by being friends only and filtering off the wankers.

Sad, but true. But it locks out new friends, and I'm no less friends with the people who've recently joined my flist than the people who've been around a while.

A few years ago, I would never have believed that such behaviour would have been tolerated by fans.

Interesting, I had no idea it used to be different. There really is a Ph.D. paper in this.

Icarus

[maelwaedd.livejournal.com]

That was lovely.
*offers Tim Tam ice cream*

I'm out of the good stuff.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

*offers Tim Tam ice cream*

What is Tim Tam ice cream?

Icarus

[tehlils.livejournal.com]

Well, I heard about a wank-thing in someone else's journal and... okay, I clicked for the hot icon, but I did try to read it because I realised I knew both parties.

Heh, yeah the icon is hot. I've been staring at it lots. It was amusing as I was talking with ficbymarks about it. She said first thing she noticed was the condom, first thing I noticed was the sepia tone. I love sepia tone (am photography major) and I was just all "Wow! Someone still uses sepia tone." And then I was hypnotized by the spinning cock.

I didn't bother with reading it yesterday but I read the post today, couldn't bear to look at the comments. Mostly because I know both parties, and have many mutual friends with both parties. I have no desire to get involved in this, though I am aware my name has been brought into it. Shit happens, that's the way life is. I don't see a need for all the wanking that's going on. I find your little guide that you wrote to be quite useful, though it pretty much reiterates how I prefer to act within a situation such as this. And now I've probably managed to throw myself in further to all of this, but honestly its not something I want. I'm here in this fandom because I find it fun. And that's the way I'd like to keep it.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Condom? Oh, I missed that. Must study this more closely.

Yeah, I've cranked up the music and am writing SNAFU -- For Whom The Bell Tolls, Metallica.

Go Ron!

Icarus

[not-sally.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I've wanted to say this for ages, but I simply did not have the words.
Truly I appreciate it.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

The part that was new was sending a private email. I have to say that other people have done that with me, and it did a world of good. I had never even considered it. What? Communication? Heavens! :)

Icarus

[al-riddle.livejournal.com]

~There is no wank a good vat of Haagen Dazs can't solve.

Ohyes. *grabs three*

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I have Godiva at the moment. Bavarian chocolate. *sluuuurrrrrrp*

Icarus

[passo.livejournal.com]

You're right. It's petty and useless. To be honest, I've occasionally lurked over to f_w to scan the wanks and it's just amazing to see the number of comments a wank, especially an HP one, can generate. It's amusing to see sometimes (especially some of the ic0ns), but once you know the parties involved... it isn't funny anymore. :(

Thanks for the survival guide. *wink* Hopefully, I won't need it in the future. (Unless I've been there and didn't know. Hee!)

Unwanted explanation. Yes!

[painispretty.livejournal.com]

Hello. I f_w because I know literally no one in fandom, and therefor have no personal opinions on any of the posters either way. I go there for the same reason I occasionally go to places like the PALS forum; to see opinions vastly different to mine and to get educated. Really, the things I've learned (learnt?) in totally unrelated threads to the original wank beggar belief. Yeah, it sounds mean, but sometimes people have to appreciate that if they say silly things on the internet people will find it, and probably laugh. It is after all a public medium, and there are very strict rules at f_w about posting stuff from private/locked/password-protected communities; ie, DON'T.
If it's in the public domain, it's fair game.

Re: Unwanted explanation. Yes!

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

So the value of F_W is really in the times it goes off-topic, to discuss icons and other subjects.

Why do the wank in the first place, if the value of it is in going OT?

Icarus

[kres.livejournal.com]

:)=