Fandom Wank - I actually read one for the first time

[icarus]

Six months ago I told epicyclical (I think it was her, either that or she replied to it in someone else's journal) that I clicked on a something called 'Fandom Wank' from a link in someone's journal once, blinked at it, "who are these people and why do I care?" and hit the Back button thinking "that's three seconds of my life I'll never get back." (And if I've ever been on this thing don't tell me because I honestly don't know and like it that way.)

Well, I heard about a wank-thing in someone else's journal and... okay, I clicked for the hot icon, but I did try to read it because I realised I knew both parties.

I see why people do this wank stuff. It's rubber-necking. A little like a car crash in slow motion. The argument developes from it's petty origins, veers out of control, wipes out several other cars (as people choose up sides) and then crosses into on-coming traffic. It's horrific, yet there's something amazing about the amount of damage just talking on ones cell-phone (or a livejournal) can do. Mere words.

But after about three or four comments, I felt a little ill with the mean-spiritedness. I showed it to wildernessguru and he got depressed -- and he didn't even know the people. "Why did you show me that?" he asked. I looked for the bottom line of the argument, and it was simple and rather petty. Nothing you could bring into a court of law, just a matter of opinion, though I suppose a case for defamation in the aftermath could be made if you worked really hard at it. A lawyer once told me that companies don't get in trouble for what they do, that's usually fairly simple. But the weird things they do to deal with it is where they cross the line into illegal territory.

So I propose a Wank Survival Kit.

Airbags and good Anti-lock breaks.

If a simple discussion starts to skid, the ability to stop and the use of some patience can keep the car from wiping out others. sparrohawk once said, "If you just leave it alone, it'll usually go away." Always remember the original argument and who the original argument was with -- it was rather small, n'est pas? Just a matter of opinion?

Emergency food supply and blankets.

When feelings are hurt it is best to tend to the injured right away. The temptation is to start to blame and choose up sides to retaliate. Instead, send private emails to friends, and chat in Y!M, etc. There is no wank a good vat of Haagen Dazs can't solve.

Walk away from the scene of the accident.

While I would never recommend this for a real accident if you have a ten-car pile-up in Wankdom, it's best not to stand around watching. This takes iron control. But a few things can help:

- never read other people's wanks. (Don't get in the habit.)
- never throw your own opinion in the fray of other people's wanks. (It is addictive.)
- don't bookmark wankfest sites. (If you don't know where the action is, so much the better -- you won't know where to look when it's you.)
- don't check the LJs of the "offending parties." (Be generous. Give them their time to vent.)

It might take a time out from fandom or week out of LiveJournal to be able to do this, give yourself some time to cool off. In fact, I have a wonderful idea: write a story!

Consult with your inner attorney.

Once you've finished your third vat of Haagen Dazs, have spoken with some supportive friends who've told you everything you want to hear and are feeling better... try to examine your own part in the matter. Now don't blame yourself. We're all only human. But how could this have been prevented? Examine:

- what was was the original argument again?
- why was I so upset about something so absurd?
- did it tie in to some other deeper issues that I can use this help me?

This is a private process and good mental health. Learn from it. Then take steps to ensure that it doesn't happen to you again.

Dispute resolution.

This takes tact and class - and guts - but if mature parties are involved, a simple private email to the original person can go a long way to resolving a problem. And you might either emerge with a friend or at least develop a new-found respect for the other person. (Icarus nods to spare_change.)

Comments

[fiendling.livejournal.com]

woo, thanks for this :P
i tend to stay out of all wanks, but i always know someone involved, and it always gets out of control. argggh *shakes fist*

[scribbulus-ink.livejournal.com]

In fact, I have a wonderful idea: write a story!

Exactly. I look at it this way: I could read and respond to the wank, or write a rant in my journal about things that piss me off, or spout off my pet peeves like they're going to change the tide of fandom -- all of which will have blown over and been forgotten in a week's time anyway -- or I could write smut. And smut wins every time.

[kijikun.livejournal.com]

We don't do it to be mean spirted really. (okay so do). It's more...of an tran-wreck like amusment of what some people do in fandom. Yea grudge wanks happen but not often.

Plus most of the post get into icon love and werid tangests and Monty Python and such. It's never really intend for the people that are wanked to find the place. There are rules about linking back to the op.

[lyricalnights.livejournal.com]

Exactly. For me, honestly, it's a way to exorcise my vast amounts of pettiness and evil thoughts w/o dragging it into LJ, where it isn't wanted or needed. I point and laugh, but I don't expect it to have any lasting effect, and very few people there do.

Plus, many amusing rambles of icon love and randomness.

However, to each his/her own, and Icarus's rules are a good plan for avoiding wank should that be your choice.

[ellensmithee.livejournal.com]

Amen to that!

I'm going to hide out in PotC fandom for a few days until it all blows over.

[gmth.livejournal.com]

Please don't take this the wrong way. This is the fourth or fifth message on my friends list that has offered similar advice. I just have to say that even those of us who sometimes get mixed up in wank do follow these guidelines 99% of the time. It's the other 1% that kills you, and usually then because you are taken totally by surprise.

Shit happens. And then you have to deal with it.

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

I like that the high road is paved with smut! :)

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Gina, you're an old hand at fandom. I wasn't talking to anyone in particular, but gathering together what I've learned over the last few months. It is a pretty hot topic though, so I expect it'll pop up several more times before it blows itself out. Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't people say these things every time there's a kerfluffle? I think the other tune is "wank is bad, do not wank" and the third is "well my opinion on this and such author is..."

Do-see-do, turn your partner and promenade....

Have you seen the latest Percy ficathon piece? Steamy.

Icarus

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

*wheels squeal, sound of breaking glass.* Yep.

Icarus

[gmth.livejournal.com]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't people say these things every time there's a kerfluffle?

Honestly? Not that I have noticed, no. It's possible I missed something, but I can't remember the last time I saw posts like these popping up all over the place. It's especially odd given we're all adults and already know these things, so it's not like any new information is being imparted. But even adults get into spooge sometimes. It happens. And then we deal with it.

Have you seen the latest Percy ficathon piece?

Nope. May check it out later, though. 18 zillion things are happening at once hereabouts.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Absoutely.

Did JKR invent Quidditch after a fight with her boyfriend? Hmm. Angry Quidditch smut. It's been done before. It's cliche. But oh, still satisfying.

*Icarus waggles eyebrows*

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Let there be smut.

In fact, I issue a challenge to both parties to write Angry!Quidditch Smut! *Throws down the gauntlet.*

Icarus

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well gossip keeps the Soap Opera industry alive and everyone watches Formula One racing for the brutal car crashes. But it makes me wince.

It's never really intend for the people that are wanked to find the place.

So it's intended to be behind people's backs.

There are rules about linking back to the op.

What's an "op"?


Icarus

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Amen to that!

You said it, sista'! Testify! *Strikes up the Gospel chorus.*

Icarus

[kijikun.livejournal.com]

So it's intended to be behind people's backs.
Well no. It's bascial that we understand that alot of people don't find chuckling/debating/iconloveage over some of the kerffelues in fandom as amusing as we do.

BBC as been wanked even. Wank is always 'look at what his idiot did', sometimes its, 'ooo that was amusing'

OP- is original poster.

I've been wanked, Sushi's been wanked. Normal if you roll with it or shurg it off we/they go onto the next shiny. Yes some of the people over at F_W are a-holes, jerks and basical mean spirted.

But to each there own.

[wenelda.livejournal.com]

Difficult, painful lessons to learn. I was such a snarling little bitch in the last wank I was involved in (found out I've been on fandom_wank twice). I've given up. I know I get angry too easily and I don't present my points well, so I'm opting for the "avoid wanks at all costs" option. It's just not worth the trouble.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I'll never like it. I have been petty, I had dispute with a mod on a website once and so I read her fics (which I hated) and I childishly gave her raspberries from my LJ.

But... I never mentioned names. Because I consider that slander. That's where one crosses the line from exorcising ones demons, to defamation and simple cruelty. I can't agree with you on this one. It's just wrong, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, nor would I wish it on the mod I blew Peeves' raspberries at for two weeks. Is it harmless, if the person doesn't know? I'm not sure. Is it ethical? To rip someone behind their back? No.

Icarus

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

On the other hand, I'll never regret finding this icon. :)

Icarus

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I'm blissfully ignorant of whether or not I've ever been wanked. No one, when they're in the middle of a fight, is at their shiney best.

Actually, the person I'm really impressed with is isolde9. She has exceptional "breaking" ability. :)

Icarus

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

OP- is original poster.

Ah. Thank you.

So it's intended to be behind people's backs. -- Well no.

I'm confused by this, Kiji. So if the "OP" or person being criticised don't know about it, and isn't supposed to know about it -- it isn't behind their backs?

BBC's been wanked ... I've been wanked, Sushi's been wanked. Normal if you roll with it or shurg it off we/they go onto the next shiny.

So it's okay because everyone and everything's a target.

Icarus

[ellensmithee.livejournal.com]

LOL! I was wondering if I should write a disclaimer since I am an atheist. ;-) Well, almost a card-carrying sceptic, at least.

[loup_noir]

I so agree with you. I followed a link to the original fandom wank journal and was horrified. When I asked some one about it, I was told that it was "for fun." I never got what was fun about it, especially since the person being skewered wasn't able to defend herself.

I find the whole thing cowardly and cruel.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

I have another question because I'm trying to understand the thinking behind this. This is a regular debate between wildernessguru and I actually.

Do you have rules about the OP, or one of the OPs participating in the Wank should they happen to find out about it? What about regular posters in fandom wank? Do they have an "edge" in the discussion? (I hope that makes sense.)

Icarus

[ellensmithee.livejournal.com]

I don't care if it's been done. Times like these call for clichéed comfort fics, like potions accidents Angry Quidditch smut. *sigh*

[kijikun.livejournal.com]

We have rules along the lines of 'Dont link to minors journals' and please use work safe icons. And there is a no trolling rule. Other memeber of F_W catch you trolling you will get a new a-hole chewed no matter who you are.

No one has a real edge, (the joke is that we eat our own) we'll mock our own for doing wanky things as much as we would a totaly stranger (or more so since well we know them).

General if they the OP finds out about the wank entry its normally commented upon but little else unless they come over to F_W and try to agure with us about why we're like the mean kids from school. Gnerally give it a day (or less) and we've moved on.

There is OT_wank for things that arent fandom. And I_wank for when people want to report they've done something wanky.


Hope that makes sense.