Writing a Good Fuck

[icarus]

Thought I'd be blunt there. Sorry to those of you who are reading this at work. I'm eating over my keyboard right now, so I'm going to make this brief.

#1 - tighten up that POV!
Sex is intimate, therefore, you really need to be clear on your POV, there needs to be immediacy. Don't lapse into sweeping epic narrative voice here! You'd be surprised at how many people get scared of 'not doing this right' and start writing their sex scenes in a very distant voice the moment things get hot and heavy.

As soon as you use the word 'they', take a close look at why. That's not a rule, but it is a red flag.

Oh, and please, to invoke Minotaur, beware depersonalising: not 'the hard cock' but 'his hard cock', not 'a hand' but 'her hand.' They are attached. Think about it. If you're in bed with someone you care about, and they squeeze your arse, to you really think 'a hand' did this? *shudders* Scary thought. No. He did.

#2 - involve all the senses
Other areas of our fic can be caught in mental processing, but sex involves...

touch...
soft skin, callused hands catching on fine fabric...

smell...
he smelled of soap, and the grass clippings that were still caught in his hair...*

close up visuals...
sweat stuck his hair to his forehead...

taste...
he tasted like cinnamon, and the faint buzz of something he'd taken...*

sound...
sheets whispered and rustled... a shoe dropped with a loud clunk and they froze...

*Note: do please have a good explanation for the taste/smell established - (thanks fee_absinthe, and tinderblast) - he tasted like apple... the half-eaten apple dropped to the ground between them, ignored.

#3 - remember your environment!
The experience of the envionment plays a Huge role. Each setting has its own quirks. This enriches the experience your reader has.

Ever had sex in the outdoors?
Then you know the person on top gets cold and you tend to want to be on the bottom. Heh. Where it's warm. And there are hazards, bugs, sticks and leaves. On the plus side is the feeling of open space and wind, and all the sounds and sights around you.

In front of a fireplace?
One side of you gets overly hot, the other side cool, if you're very close to it. And oooo, to touch your lover when they've been baked like that.

In a nice soft bed?
The sheets get tangled, get in the way, and there's often a squeak, or the headboard knocks against the wall in a way that informs your roommate. Ooops.

In the water?
Like hell you have, not anal anyway. All lubricant washes off. Great fantasy though. 'Tis a great place for blowjobs, however.

So that's good for a start.

More sex tonight!

Comments

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

Ever had sex in the outdoors?
Then you know the person on top gets cold and you tend to want to be on the bottom. Heh. Where it's warm.
On the bottom? On the hard, pointy granite, the scritchy sand, the cold wet snow? (All right, the time we did it in the snow, we did it standing up.)

Oh, well, outdoors sex has its own, er, rewards.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

On the bottom? On the hard, pointy granite, the scritchy sand

I didn't cover prickly hay either, or that slick, melty slide along ice, as one of you tries to hang on and get some traction.

Ow. Granite. Yes. Not to mention the sandpaper feel of concrete.

~Icarus

[ptyx.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks! You inspire me...

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

The world needs more porn. Go write!

~Icarus

[chaos-rose.livejournal.com]

"Ever had sex in the outdoors? Then you know the person on top gets cold and you tend to want to be on the bottom. Heh. Where it's warm. And there are hazards, bugs, sticks and leaves. On the plus side is the feeling of open space and wind, and all the sounds and sights around you."

I'm originally from coastal New England and I have just two words for you: Jurassic Moquitoes.

::: shudders at memory of nickle-sized bites :::

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

*eyes widen* I have been literally driven indoors by clouds of gnats. Or on another occasion, the weather had turned, er, crisp, and what seemed to be a very good idea at the outset...

Brrr. Michigan.

~Icarus

[tehlils.livejournal.com]

That's the fun thing about Michigan... you don't like the weather? Wait fve minutes and it will change.

[pimpettej.livejournal.com]

You should write a book about how to write FanFics lol. That would be great.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

*grins* Thanks for the compliment. I'm putting this tidbit in memories at least, along with my 'how to write for the internet' and 'how to be a beta reader.'

~Icarus

[loup_noir]

In the water?
Like hell you have, ...Great fantasy though. 'Tis a great place for blowjobs, however.

Great for lots of things. Friction is rather off, though.... Hot tubs, mmmmm

You gonna tackle the leaky aftereffects, too?

This certainly woke me up this morning!

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

*ding*ding*ding*

Good morning!

Leaky after effects You mean what Dan Savage is currently calling 'Santorum'?

~Icarus

[pushdragon.livejournal.com]

You rock.

You *so* rock.

Do keep writing as more tips occur to you. Though nothing you said surprised me, it's stuff I'm only dimly aware of when writing, and it's so good to have it spelled out. More likely to stay with me I'm writing "One hand on Harry's thigh and one gripping roughly at the back of his neck, Neville reached for the straining arousal and wondered where his third arm had come from ..."

Am intrigued by your comments on sense of smell and taste. Fanfic boys always seem to taste of chocolate or some undefinable sweetness. They smell of spices, occasionally of citrus. I only wish!! All the boys of my experience tasted of wet mouth, soap (in the mornings) and sweat (in the evenings) and smelled of an aftershave which was never my favourite.

*curls up and fantasises about cinnamon-flavoured boys*

[tinderblast.livejournal.com]

*curls up and fantasises about cinnamon-flavoured boys*

To rewrite Neil Young, "I wanna live with a cinnamon boy" .. or at least, smell him?

TBoy and I were talking about smells in fan fiction recently, as she's written a brilliant short piece, 'Eau de Potter' about, well, scents and men.

http://au.geocities.com/tboy_xxx/eau.html

And I echoed your point, fee absinthe, as I'd noticed how characters always smell like vanilla, pine, cinnamon, lemon, MINT, etc., everything nice. Never sweat. And boys have such a distinctive smell, really, that's nothing like any of those odours.

brodie

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Oh, I remember the 'Eau de Potter' fic. That's a (ewww, when he gets to the armpits...) classic *wince*.

And that scent is all very different. Oh... *sighs* I had one boyfriends who smelled of clean sweat, the kind just after a workout (rather than that rancid, under-your-armpit all day sweat). Another smelled sort of like a little boy, hard to describe, it was a sweet unidentifiable scent. A third smelled a little like saffron, spice-and-clean, because he wore all these shirts made in India and burned a lot of Tibetan incense. Then there was the cloying cologne. *cough*cough*choke*

~Icarus

[pushdragon.livejournal.com]

Oh my god!

I would never have believed that could be hot but ... you're right, it is *so* well written. It rings true, to me, as a clever description of fetishist behaviour. I *cannot* believe I was just persuaded that sweat is sexy!!

On cinnamon flavoured boys, I had a thought last night. Perhaps, in the wizarding world, there really is a spell that allows you to determine how you smell and taste. A perfume that works internally, changing the chemicals in your very glands.

*fights off tempting plot bunny in which the boys of Hogwarts experiment with this spell and then walk around licking each other to sample the various flavours*
*fights harder*

[tinderblast.livejournal.com]

*adopts voice of plotbunny doom*

Give in ... resistance is futile ...

(er, please? It sounds like a great story)

brodie

[pushdragon.livejournal.com]

Evil tempting person!!

I was *just* winning the war and making myself focus on the chapter I was *supposed* to be finishing but now strawberry-flavoured-Ron and butterbeer-flavoured-Seamus is just proving too funny to resist.

Sorry, Icarus my sweet. I will take this back to my own LJ now and stop spamming yours. And I do agree with your comments on the flavour of boys. I like the examples you give. The apple is a clever way to make your character taste of something more expressive than wet mouth, but without spreading that gross lie that boys naturally taste like flavours of bubblebath or jelly bean.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Oh, spam away. This was very entertaining. Umph. Strawberry-flavoured Ron.

I know!

In the story, there's no way to tell what flavour the boys will turn out to be, so curiosity...

Bonus points awarded if the flavour reflects the personality. Obviously this is a GredandForge experiment gone wrong.

"Ha! Guess what? Dean isn't chocolate-flavoured. He's vanilla!" Ron laughed.

"Yeah. And Malfoy's the flavour of sour grapes."

"Uh... Harry? How many blokes have you licked?"

~Icarus

[pushdragon.livejournal.com]

Damn you and damn you to hell, you clever wench! Between my last post and now, I went away and started making a vague plot - very vague, rather like the process of three year olds paddling different coloured paints onto paper.

The only elements I'd come up with were:

* It's a GredandForge experiment
* Everyone has a different flavour which reflects their personality
* Multiple tasting of other bodies will be required.

And I come back to find ... well ... snap!! (Great minds, evidently!) But my version differs wildly from yours in that Dean is popcorn flavour and *Harry* is vanilla. There!

Am off to write stupid licky story now. If it takes me more than 24 hours, I will have spent more time than the concept is worth. Any title ideas, snap-girl? I was thinking the simple "Cinnamon flavoured boys" sums up the depth of it, but suggestions are welcome if you're having a slow day!

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

did you ever write that? I'd love to read it...

[pushdragon.livejournal.com]

Alas, no! I wrote a disjointed 600 words or so, but I hadn't even got to the point of licking yet, so I'm afraid I gave up. But the idea's yours if you feel like having a go ....... :-D

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

sadface :(

Sadly, I don't do HP fic myself, and I think this one'd require me to have a handle on the characters before I started. Sigh.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Heh. Usually there's needs to be some explanation for the taste. "He still tasted of apple. The half-eaten apple dropped to the ground at their feet, ignored.."

A great example is Dien's Snape/Dumbledore where Snape's taste had a lot to do with the drugs he'd ingested. I grabbed the quote I used from my Percy/Snape, where the cinnamon was the potion/drink/whoknewwhatwasinit??? they had been sharing. So a page before Percy was taking a sip of this potent drink that tasted of cinnamon, then he was kissing Snape, who, of course, tasted like...

I think I'll add this tid-bit, credited to you. A very good point.

~Icarus

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

*re-reads* Third arm... *cracks up*

~Icarus

[fabularasa.livejournal.com]

In the water?
Like hell you have, not anal anyway. All lubricant washes off. Great fantasy though. 'Tis a great place for blowjobs, however.

Yes, yes, thank you! If I never read another scene of lake-swimming, tub-floating sex it will be too soon. On the other hand, the shower works nicely -- not enough water to wash off the lubricant, and there are all sorts of bottles ready to hand, besides the bar of soap. I think the key is to keep the shower head pointed in the right direction, away from the scene of action. But of course, one wants to be the one directly under the stream of water, not naked and shivering outside it.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

The shower seems like such a good idea, but it seems like you have to get it really steamed up first for it to work. Either that, or the weather has to be hot in general. Otherwise one of you is warm under the showerhead, the other is shivering miserably...

~Icarus

Re:

[fabularasa.livejournal.com]

But in my experience men are less cold-sensitive than women, so I don't feel so guilty about sticking two guys in a shower (or hogging the shower head), though I think I've only done it once. The former, that is, not the latter. On the whole I'm not that fond of confusing personal hygiene with arousing activity.

[xandria.livejournal.com]

May I copy, paste and credit you in my fanfic website? http://www.akasa.bc.ca/fanfic I'm always looking for tidbits to try and encourage better writing from authors and this has some lovely points.

Thank you.

Xandria

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Sure. Now I wish I wasn't sick last night and added to it (as I planned). Ah well. At the office now. It'll have to wait.

~Icarus

[xandria.livejournal.com]

I probably won't get around to it for a bit so if you want to edit it or update it, that'd be fine by me.

I really like it primarily because it's short, concise and filled with great hints.

Thanks.

Xan

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Probably not going to change much, actually. No time for it right now.

~Icarus

[lemone.livejournal.com]

"Sex is intimate, therefore, you really need to be clear on your POV, there needs to be immediacy. Don't lapse into sweeping epic narrative voice here! You'd be surprised at how many people get scared of 'not doing this right' and start writing their sex scenes in a very distant voice the moment things get hot and heavy. "
Yeah hi, I sort of wandered in from a link to this posted in someone else's journal, and I really agreed with this part especially. The sex scene can't be long winded or the reader will be tempted to skim through it, but if it's too short then it'll sound rushed and totally unsexy.

I really enjoyed reading this, you brought up a lot of valid points in a frank and knowlegeable manner. Excellent!

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Actually, I wasn't referring to length. I was referring to how close the 'camera' is to the action. (I've actually written 65 pages of sex. Flat out. Length doesn't matter.)

An example of sweeping narrative voice would be:

"Then they fell into each other's arms, kissing."

Your eye is very far from the action, you see?

"His breath was a soft pant on Harry's shoulder, and somehow Harry's hand was caught in his shirt. Ooops. But before Harry could say anything or apologize, warm lips parted under his and suddenly none of that mattered."

Which is hotter? The close-up of course. The one that's written very much from Harry's point of view and describes his experience intimately, even describing his thoughts and physical sensations as if you are there.

The writers call this level of distance or closeness to the action 'penetration.' (Heh. They didn't mean sex scenes in this context, but it applies.)

I aim to please.

I'm working slowly towards my goal of 14 NC-17 stories on RS.org by the end of the year. Nine so far (once 'Skinny Dipping' goes up).

Hmm. I've written 22 sex scenes in all of my stories (including 2 Frodo/Sam sex scenes), both R and NC-17 rated. Though 'Sex, Drugs and Death Eater Rock' had a disproportionate amount, I think about four sex scenes in that one story?

Thus far I don't think I've repeated anything, it's run the gamut from the rough, passionate Percy/Snape in 'Sweet Hypocrisy' to the gentle and sweet Harry/Ron in 'Hagrid's Hut'.

~Icarus

[lemone.livejournal.com]

Whoops, my bad. S'what I get for posting while in a coma, I guess.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

*rereads*

Damn. I do get on my soapbox and preach, don't I?

LOL

~Icarus

[anuanu.livejournal.com]

I've been wanting to write some tips of my own for the lady writers for a while. I will eventually, but I have to protest one thing that's been nagging me.

Handy lubricants:
Ok. I know your characters need it right now and it's handy, but have you ever *tried* some of it yourself? My main fuss is when authors use soap.

REAL MEN DO NOT USE SOAP.

Why? You try it. It BURNS. You'll be howling and washing your fanny for hours. Same goes for conditioner, hair gel, shampoo. *shudder*

My advice to women authors is: Astroglide or else.

Else, only if you try it on yourself (and not vaginally either, we do it anal, you try it anal). Please ladies, pretty pretty please, NO MORE SOAP!

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

Well... conditioner's not bad (ahem). But soap? yipe,yipe,yipe...

Read the ingredients: striadic acid this, sodium sulfide and laurel sulfate that. Acid and salt. Figure it out.

Worst I've read - someone (a good author) did a Lucius/Harry non-con where they didn't use anything! Like hell!

Okay. Women produce natural fluids that, while painful, make this scenario physically possible. The anal passage has no such fluid. None. This is why your butt does not (generally) go squelch, when you sit down.

~Icarus

Re:

[anuanu.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Dry would hurt, and at least tear a little. I mean, come on! After one or two unwashed fucks, yeah, your butt *could* go squelch, but I wouldn't reccomend it. lol.

[pushdragon.livejournal.com]

You are a godsend!! If you are tempted to write tips for the lady writers, for goodness sake, do it!! It is very much needed!

What can I say to convince you?!?! You *must*!!!

What's stopping you?? There is a whole lot of ignorance out there, and if you could repair just a little of it, the famdom would be all the better for it.

And thanks for the *squelch* moment. ;) Will think of that every time I sit down for a week ...

Re:

[anuanu.livejournal.com]

I will, as soon as I get my site into some semblance of order. And yes, the squish moment shall provoke giggles from me every time I sneak in and sit in my boss's leather office chair, which squelches whether your arse does or not. :)

[aquila1nz.livejournal.com]

There are some good resources like this out there- the one I've come across before is here:

http://www.squidge.org/~minotaur/classic/eroc.html

http://www.squidge.org/~minotaur/mqa/index.html

But don't let me put you off writing more!

Re:

[anuanu.livejournal.com]

There's also another one out there, but I can't remember the URL, just that it had porn ads around the side and lots of brightly colored alternating colored text. *shudder*

Minotaur is famous, I think. Everyone likes him. :)

[ashfae.livejournal.com]

In the water?
Like hell you have, not anal anyway. All lubricant washes off. Great fantasy though. 'Tis a great place for blowjobs, however.

How so? How do you breathe? Fingerwork I can see, but not oral...if you speak from experience, please enlighten me. ;)

Excellent advice! Must remember all of it.

[icarusancalion.livejournal.com]

In the water, not underwater! *snickers* I was thinking of a bathtub or shower, not - oh - a lake.

In my experience the shower works all right if you don't aim the water straight at you, but somehow that steam and spray tends to washing everything off. ;)

[caretta.livejournal.com]

You do realize that I hate you write now, right? I have too many things to do and you just made me want to write an outdoor fic with Draco/Harry! ~whines~ Evil, pure evil.

No, I don't really hate you. In fact, I love you for all of your lovely advice.

[ashmin89.livejournal.com]

The advice is truly lovely. After minotaur,i think itz the best advice on the net for writing porn.Sadly,i cannot express my opinion abt sex on the floor-virgin here!But thanks for the cinnamon flavoured part.

P.S.Does anyone ever taste of cinnamon?Just wondering.