icarus | (no subject)

icarus

I'm achingly missing

redgoldpride now. I've taken the better part of two days off from school.

Sigh.

interimminister is getting in over his head.

Sigh.

My fics aren't moving.

Sigh. *wah* I miss Ron.

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Showtime at the Apollo, & Wilderness Guru asleep on my lap.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

cursive.livejournal.com

I so hate poorly conceived S/M, let alone D/s (and particularly that). Let me add an enthusiastic yes to your points, well with one hesitation.

Relatively few tops, definitely, and particularly of the dedicated kind rather than just able-to-switch. And, frankly, it's hard, and even though you need a ton of confidence to even attempt it there are still plenty that suck (I probably needed a different word for that dimissal).

The spiked collar also gets in the way, in my opinion. Both physically and symbolically.

I'm going to cavill on the "interest" point - come on... there's a mode of interest. Can we call it recognition? No, more than that. There is a form of interest, that they work for, you know what I mean, right?

There's quite a bit of penetrative sex in lesbian S/M and D/s, that is in comparison to gay and het, for reasons that probably don't need elaboration.

The orgasm thing - yeah, I was talking about that this morning. Control of orgasm, demanding control of orgasm, manipulating pleasure both in coming and, paradoxically, in not being allowed to come or... yeah it goes on and on, the variations on control of pleasure and the pleasure of control and there isn't a flat out right or wrong because it's a relationship, but the representations of D/s as about reciprocal orgasms... so missing the point.

From:

icarusancalion.livejournal.com

My response was way too long, so I've sent it via email.

I'm going to cavill on the "interest" point - come on... there's a mode of interest. Can we call it recognition? No, more than that. There is a form of interest, that they work for, you know what I mean, right?

Interest is not really the right word.

What I mean is it is a different mindset than what was presented. The attitude is more like hunting for prey. You zero in, discard the smaller game, and say 'that one's mine' and then start hunting. Most times I'm not interested in anyone, I look around and go - nope. But when I see someone I want, I know it immediately. It's not that they're always available, but I'm all or nothing. Maybe this is just me.

For example, I'm not lesbian or recognisably bi-sexual - I prefer cross-dressers and meek men (Percy types!), but there was this femme blonde in a real corset at the Catwalk one Halloween. Delicate and soft. It wasn't that she was pretty, it was that her gentle glee in being submissive was so apparent.

That was the one that I wanted.

Alas, she wasn't available (neither was I). She was dancing with someone who obviously her girlfriend, who wasn't the dom she deserved. Inexperienced, uncomfortable in the role. Not that I was better, but someone like that, it's like seeing a first water diamond in a cheap setting. You want her to have more, though no doubt the BYOD [Build-Your-Own-Dom] was working for her.

I did want to see her with a pro.

I dunno. The club scene I find unnatural though. There's an intimacy that's important, and when you're on display in a club, for me at least it knocks the dynamic a little off-center.

There's quite a bit of penetrative sex in lesbian S/M and D/s, that is in comparison to gay and het, for reasons that probably don't need elaboration.

I have to clarify that my experience really is as a woman dominating men. There's an obvious reason why penetration is not that common in my world.

I don't tend to use the strap-on much, not in a scene, because I feel ridiculous [Some Doms say 'well, you're putting on symbolic male parts and therefore...' Bullshit! You don't like it? It's because you feel like an idiot!]. But using it is fun, if somewhat unsatisfying. I prefer to use 'hand toys'.

My boyfriend has experience with gay male Doms, and they tend to have something specific they want and they don't veer from it.
'I want to spank you.'
'I want someone to feed and breed.'
'I want a femme slut to worship my cock.'
It's pretty damned direct and they do exactly that, no bleed over.

Icarus

From:

cursive.livejournal.com

My experience is mainly lesbian but later on some het and I've certainly watched/been around gay and het as well as a lot more lesbian. And various kinds of group arrangements. Not that I'm active because I haven't been for a couple of years and I was never very intensely into any version of that scene. Like everyone else I know personally I started on the sub side - but in my case it didn't really ever click. I was always acting in a really conscious way. I don't think I was ever spectacularly brilliant the other way either - although I do tend to have very high expectations of myself - which is probably why I could happily enough walk away when my next girlfriend disliked that scene.

There's a lot more flexibility in het D/s in my experience - the weight of stereotypes in gay and lesbian public scenes really is very powerful (for all sorts of good reasons I know I know). But I didn't mean to imply all or even most f/f D/s is penetrative, but there is a lot more, it seems to me, than in f/m.

From:

cursive.livejournal.com

And I can't believe I wrote any of that- hah! After having said I never would. Blah blah, calls to experience are dodgy - as I've said elsewhere, beign a great writer is a lot better qualification for writing a great sex scene than being a great fuck. But I can't help being irritated, because the misrepresentations make it so very very corny.

From:

icarusancalion.livejournal.com

Oh, nevermind. I'll just break it into two replies.

As for Doms sucking, everyone sucks. Without exception.

I've had scenes fall so flat, it's absurd. I start hearing the B-movie soundtrack. I can be really, really good. But I can suck so badly, it's just funny. And when I'm off, I'm off. I can't do it.

The trick is the recovery when you've been going fine and just had a shaky moment - or you're just gearing up, and it's not clicking yet.

I've recovered by just snickering and throwing out a B'movie line - "mwah-ha-ha!" Sure, it blows the scene, but you've already blown it so you might as well enjoy that part, too. Then you either get back into it, or spend the rest of the night giggling. Which is fine. Just roll with it.

One of my best scenes came out of a blown one. I was just so phony, doing this policewoman thing - I'm so tiny, it didn't fit. The guy was a foot taller than me and I was hyper-aware of it. So I started joking around, and pulled a deliberately fake German accent to go with the phony role, the police hat, riding crop and the mirrored sunglasses. The energy came back up (we were laughing). So I started berating him in German. I know a little. That solved the problem of my lines being stupid - he couldn't understand me! But he got the point, though I had to physically shove him onto the bed to get it across. Ah! Police brutality.

Most people when they suck have a hard time recovering (and the submissive feels like they have to act in order to rebuild their confidence, which is when it's really bad). They know they suck, then their confidence starts spiraling, like a guy with a limp dick who can't stop thinking about it. Then they slowly suck more and more.

Call it the death spiral.

It's because they're taking themselves too seriously. A dom projects that charisma when they're zeroed in on the rest of the room. Their attention isn't on themselves.

Icarus

From:

cursive.livejournal.com

Oh a sense of humour is crucial I agree. The most impressive Dom I ever saw in action though - the ex of an ex in fact (oh the joys of lesbian scenes) - never faltered once that I ever saw, not for a second.

But I wouldn't have gone with her. It just didn't look any fun. Then again, it was always a game for me, never really serious in the way some people are.